To be clear, none of these dudes are my exes; nor do I personally know any of them. They are merely alone in the photograph, so I used these stock pics here. I also think they are all quite handsome.
“Just because I’m single, It doesn’t mean I’m alone. I have food and internet.”
I would add books and a pet.
I’m not intentionally trying to seem smug and superior about my single status. There is a stigma attached to being single and I’m merely attempting to show it can be a desirable choice.
Why This Topic
There is a lot to be said for being in a loving relationship. For the purpose of this blog, I will not be stating the many known positives. Instead, I will focus on the positives of the single life. Why go there you ask? The answer is simple: I need for all of my partnered friends and family members to know why I have chosen to be single and further, why I want them to leave me be — I’m being nice.
Always the question, “Why aren’t you with anyone?”
A Bit of History
I was born single. I stayed that way for years. I was introduced to a beautiful woman who was pure and good and I loved her. We married and divorced. Divorced because I finally admitted to myself and others that I was gay. I was gay and broken and my relationships with men went sideways at every turn.
After years of trying to make it work with men, it dawned on me that I had to fix what was broken. That is where I am today. I am working on loving the one person who will be with me until I die; me myself and I. It’s not a sad story. In fact, it is a happy story, because some never figure out that there is a path to figuring it out. Some suffer in silence until they suffer no more . . . until they cease to exist.
“I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.” – Delta Burke
I travel alone, eat alone, go to the movies and theater alone, walk alone, play games alone, but I am never lonely. In order to be lonely, you’d have to either dislike yourself or not have enough interests — neither applies to me.
I can amuse myself with so many different things, if anything, I wish I had more alone time.
The Best Part of Single Life
I finally get to do a list — lists make me happy.
- My own big bed (I can sleep in the middle)
- No arguments with angry partners
- No second guessing whether there is love, or if the love is real, or if the love will last
- I can have a second piece of cake without being chided for it
- Lots of quiet time
- An introvert (me) gets to be an introvert
- You get to be selfish without the guilt
- Spontaneous decisions
- More time for me, me, me
- I never have to sit in the middle seat on an airplane to please my partner
- People invite you for dinner at their home more often, because feeding one is easier than feeding two. Mere speculation.
- More closet space
- I always get to pick where I travel and when I travel
If you have a life partner, disregard the aforementioned.
The Art of Living Life Without Expectations
The absence of expectations would be a false narrative; there will always be expectations. In this case the expectations are of me and from me, not from another. Yes, others have expectations of me, but in this case I am referring to expectations related to the making or spending of money, achievements, how I spend time, when I wake up in the morning and when I go to bed.
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” – Robin Williams
A Quick Story
My mother could not stand to be alone. She ended one relationship and started another on the very same day. Seeing herself objectively was not possible and highly improbable. She met a man (not my father), who, like her, could not be alone. They lived in misery tethered to one another for over forty years. The two died only months apart. They might well have loved one another, but it was not a healthy, happy love, theirs was a desperate, codependent love. I learned a great deal bearing witness to their lives; I learned that being alone could be joyous and joyful and that I never wanted to be tethered to anyone. This doesn’t mean I’m ruling out a life partnership.
Next week, a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium a few weeks later; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.
Being single allows me to plan and execute without having to check with anyone save my dog sitter.
Sometimes I purposefully choose to revisit a topic without looking at what I’ve written in the past. Circumstances change, I change, the world changes.
Check this out:
If you live in or plan to visit the Algarve:
Flying Solo Meet Up (Click for link)
Please excuse any and all spelling and grammatical errors.
4 thoughts on “The Upside of Being Single”
Chris, you have articulated – wonderfully! – why I have fully embraced being single since my divorce a quarter-century ago, with one exception: I blissfully sleep diagonally in the bed. Thanks so much for this. I very much like the Robin Williams quote, too. Cheers from Brussels! Ellen
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I too sleep diagonally when it’s a full size bed. I love it so much that you read my blog and share your thoughts. Thank you Ellen!
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“I was born single”, funny! My father was a person who could not be alone and had some poor choices after divorcing my mom. My mother was the opposite, never remarried, and had a wonderful time being independent. You have a wonderful life being you!
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I love that you used my line! Thank you for the validation Annette, it means a lot.