Tell Me When I’m Wrong

I’m using a photo of a child with angel wings because I cannot think of another example of complete innocence save for a child who has yet to master the art of cognitive reasoning. Anything this child does or might do in the immediate future is okay; he, she, they, cannot be blamed for anything based on the knowledge between right and wrong.

I, on the other hand, am not innocent. I clearly know the difference between right and wrong; however, being human means making mistakes — sometimes after well thought out decisions and sometimes just silly mistakes based on no premise whatsoever.

My point is this, if I cannot objectively know or recognize that I made a mistake, I want YOU to point it out to me. Ah, but here’s the rub: I want you to do it with kindness and thoughtfulness . . . when possible.

An Example For Those Who Do Not Get My Meaning

I’m sitting at a table having a delightful lunch with eight people and the dreaded Trump criminal charges come up. Without thinking, I assume everyone at the table shares my views and I am boldly vocal. It doesn’t take long to offend a forever Trumper at the table. Instead of having a private word with me the Trumper blocks me on all social media and snubs me at future social gatherings. Without letting me know that I offended said Trumper, how am I to apologize and alter my behavior?

Unfortunate Reactions (I’ll make this more general. My personal reactions are all over the place).

You should know that depending on the circumstances, the acceptance of your feedback may not be as smooth and easy as you might like. Having someone point something out you may not have been aware of, is not as palpable as one might like. So much of it depends on variables that might not have anything to do with the message. For example, four very difficult things happened that day and the weather sucks and you feel sick and your rent’s overdue . . . you get the drift. Someone you love and admire walks up to you and says, “There is something I need to share with you.” At that moment, when you are most vulnerable, you’re not thinking about how you might react to what is being shared, you’re thinking, “Oh shit, here it comes, this is all I need today.” That doesn’t make you a bad person, we’re only human. Remember that when you approach someone for a “conversation.”

This is where the kindness and thoughtfulness request comes to play. Consider the state of mind of the receiver. Is now the best time? When is the best time?

The other reaction might be complete denial: “I said that?, I did that?, I didn’t say that,” or all of the above. If you as the deliverer of the message, if you are certain of what occurred and you care about the receiver, don’t back down, remain resolute. Often, it’s just a matter of time and consideration before most sane individuals realize how wrong they were.

Upcoming Travel

Currently, a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium after a week at home; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.

Candor: I have recently had some difficult conversations with good friends I care a great deal about. There were moments and things said I wish I could retract. There were occurrences I wish I could erase, but the reality is that I cannot change what has been said or done. What I can do is prove that I am worthy of trust and that takes time and effort. Growth and contrition are never bad things.

Writing on a tablet is difficult. Please forgive all errors.

11 thoughts on “Call Me on My Shit

  1. Tough stuff here. I’ve stopped most activity on all social media channels the past 6-7 years to avoid conflict over my disdain for certain political and social positions held by friends and family. I don’t miss it really. In person conversations where I can engage thoughtfully, if the time and place are appropriate, still gets my ire up though. I think most of us retreat to commiserate with those that are like minded, which is not great or helpful to move issues forward. The real problem is the lack of debate and compromise between the two entrenched sides and the void of any middle ground. Sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As you are aware I’ve had my fair share of this experience unfortunately it usually doesn’t get resolved, I become the enemy for daring to mention it and don’t get me started on some people’s inability to say sorry!! As usual you hit the nail on the head. I look forward to your blogs every time. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you Denise. I truly struggle with this one as well. I’ve had a lifetime of avoidance in order to avoid confrontation. All we can do is march onward and hope for 1) we have the strength and courage to be authentic and 2) that others will return the good will. See you soon comrade.

    Like

  4. A good blog You know how hard it is for me to call people on their stuff, but I know I can be frighteningly good at it when needed. I hope you are having a lovely trip and eating great food.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. i can tell you one thing i make my mistakes like five times atleast just to be sure ……do you know there are people in these world who cant fathom why you are willing and able to know and accept when you make a mistake?ill call you on your shit,please call me on mine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, it’s a two prong issue. First, people have to acknowledge that they may have made a mistake and second, we have have to learn to be better about how we tell people they were wrong or messed up. Neither is easy or part of today’s culture.

      Liked by 1 person

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