Posted on by CP · 4 Comments

The Upside of Being Single

To be clear, none of these dudes are my exes; nor do I personally know any of them. They are merely alone in the photograph, so I used these stock pics here. I also think they are all quite handsome.

“Just because I’m single, It doesn’t mean I’m alone. I have food and internet.”

— anonymous

I would add books and a pet.

I’m not intentionally trying to seem smug and superior about my single status. There is a stigma attached to being single and I’m merely attempting to show it can be a desirable choice.

Why This Topic

There is a lot to be said for being in a loving relationship. For the purpose of this blog, I will not be stating the many known positives. Instead, I will focus on the positives of the single life. Why go there you ask? The answer is simple: I need for all of my partnered friends and family members to know why I have chosen to be single and further, why I want them to leave me be — I’m being nice.

Always the question, “Why aren’t you with anyone?”

A Bit of History

I was born single. I stayed that way for years. I was introduced to a beautiful woman who was pure and good and I loved her. We married and divorced. Divorced because I finally admitted to myself and others that I was gay. I was gay and broken and my relationships with men went sideways at every turn.

After years of trying to make it work with men, it dawned on me that I had to fix what was broken. That is where I am today. I am working on loving the one person who will be with me until I die; me myself and I. It’s not a sad story. In fact, it is a happy story, because some never figure out that there is a path to figuring it out. Some suffer in silence until they suffer no more . . . until they cease to exist.

“I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.” – Delta Burke

Never Lonely

I travel alone, eat alone, go to the movies and theater alone, walk alone, play games alone, but I am never lonely. In order to be lonely, you’d have to either dislike yourself or not have enough interests — neither applies to me.

I can amuse myself with so many different things, if anything, I wish I had more alone time.

The Best Part of Single Life

I finally get to do a list — lists make me happy.

  • Freedom
  • My own big bed (I can sleep in the middle)
  • No arguments with angry partners
  • No second guessing whether there is love, or if the love is real, or if the love will last
  • I can have a second piece of cake without being chided for it
  • Lots of quiet time
  • An introvert (me) gets to be an introvert
  • You get to be selfish without the guilt
  • Spontaneous decisions
  • More time for me, me, me
  • I never have to sit in the middle seat on an airplane to please my partner
  • People invite you for dinner at their home more often, because feeding one is easier than feeding two. Mere speculation.
  • More closet space
  • I always get to pick where I travel and when I travel

If you have a life partner, disregard the aforementioned.

The Art of Living Life Without Expectations

The absence of expectations would be a false narrative; there will always be expectations. In this case the expectations are of me and from me, not from another. Yes, others have expectations of me, but in this case I am referring to expectations related to the making or spending of money, achievements, how I spend time, when I wake up in the morning and when I go to bed.

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” – Robin Williams

A Quick Story

My mother could not stand to be alone. She ended one relationship and started another on the very same day. Seeing herself objectively was not possible and highly improbable. She met a man (not my father), who, like her, could not be alone. They lived in misery tethered to one another for over forty years. The two died only months apart. They might well have loved one another, but it was not a healthy, happy love, theirs was a desperate, codependent love. I learned a great deal bearing witness to their lives; I learned that being alone could be joyous and joyful and that I never wanted to be tethered to anyone. This doesn’t mean I’m ruling out a life partnership.

Upcoming Travel

Next week, a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium a few weeks later; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.

Being single allows me to plan and execute without having to check with anyone save my dog sitter.

Disclaimer

Sometimes I purposefully choose to revisit a topic without looking at what I’ve written in the past. Circumstances change, I change, the world changes.

Check this out:

If you live in or plan to visit the Algarve:

Flying Solo Meet Up (Click for link)

Please excuse any and all spelling and grammatical errors.

Posted on by CP · 5 Comments

Isolation

“Isolation is a way to know ourselves.”

— Franz Kafka

I am certain I could not write about anything else this week. There is the kind of isolation I have experienced since moving overseas and then there is this. As I have said in the past, I am a introvert, therefore, I enjoy my alone time; the difference is choosing to be alone versus having the choice made for you.

 

My Concern

There are many people in the world who need social interaction in order to survive. I had a very intense conversation with a U.S. based recovering addict yesterday. I learned about a support system for addicts I was not aware of. Apparently there are group meetings by phone, sponsors, and other ways of reaching out. That made me feel a little bit better for Americans in quarantine. I’m not sure the same support system exists in Portugal or other parts of the world, although family ties in Portugal are very strong; I have observed a great deal of support for family members in need since I arrived. You also see a lot more elderly people living with their children. Somewhat of a thing of the past in the U.S.

I’m also concerned for individuals, non-addicts, not connected to any social network. These individuals would normally be able to go the mall, a bar, or to their local coffee shops; in some places this is not possible at the moment. I went out today and I was happy to see some of our coffee shops are open. People were sitting far, however, still interacting. [They have  been ordered closed by the government.]

I realize that we need to focus on the deadly virus; however, there are those in the fallout who are not sick with the virus and should not be forgotten.

Personally, I’m fine. I’ve lived alone for quite some time. I love the quiet of the early morning when I wake and the stillness of the night when I drift off to sleep. I’m strong enough to endure isolation for a very long time. A cell or windowless room would do me in, but fortunately I have a view of water, trees, and Paco sleeping in his comfy bed. As long as my internet doesn’t go down; I have many on-line interests. Fortunately, Portuguese television is more American than Portuguese. The weather is springlike and my terrace flowers are blooming. I have no right to piss and moan.

 

An Observation

Compassion and rage . . . I’m seeing a great deal of both right now on social media. I guess it is to be expected considering the times. This is the first time in my lifetime that I have ever experienced a global crisis. This crisis leaves no one behind.

I’m very concerned about the number of unstable people in the U.S. with access to dangerous weapons. If the economy continues to go south and people do not have money to eat, no telling what some will resort to. I’m hoping the 1% who have 90% of the wealth will see fit to share a portion of it with those who truly need it; I believe some are already stepping up. Perhaps the threat of death will help some individuals see that they do not need billions to live a good life. Maybe Trump should be an example to others and make a massive donation? I know.
AND ALSO…THIS
What’s seen a rise…
Hate groups. Earlier this week, the Southern Poverty Law Center reported that the number of hate groups in the US grew 55% since 2017. The SPLC attributed the increase in hate groups – and associated attacks – to President Trump’s rhetoric, using terms like “invasion of illegals” and saying there were “very fine people” at the 2017 deadly rally in Charlottesville. But it also mentioned that in the last year, the FBI has made racially motivated violent extremism a “national threat priority” and placed it on the same level as combating ISIS. (source:  the Skimm, 3/20/2020).

 

I witnessed masses of people come together for 911, maybe something similar can happen now. And do we ever need it.

Some of the late night hosts are filming from their homes. It’s actually much more intimate and natural — I’m enjoying it, but I would prefer things the way they were.

 

What We Can Do or What I’m Doing

These are some of the steps I am taking in order to make this easier:

  • I am contacting all of my friends that may be home alone
  • I am contacting any of my friends who have an illness
  • I am changing my reservations (two out of three of my trips for the next two months have been cancelled)
  • I am cleaning some areas that I usually don’t think about (closets, ceiling fan, the bottom of my pots)
  • Journaling more often
  • Baking and freezing
  • Reading more
  • Catching up on Netflix shows
  • Long walks with Paco
  • Meditation
  • Spending more time on preparing dinner
  • Discovering BroadwayHD — oh my, if you can’t be there

 

Where I Am

I’m getting lots of telephone calls from friends and family. Fortunately with Whatsapp, Facetime, Facebook, Skype, you can be made to feel as if you’re right there in the same room. And people seem more comfortable remaining on the phone a bit longer; not rushing off to work or some social gathering.

It’s only been a few days, but I can see that this will get old. I’m just grateful that I have Paco; walking him and seeing neighbors do the same with their dogs, is very comforting. And I am ever grateful that you can still buy food.