What Matters Most

Images taken on recent cruise from London to Iceland. Stopping in Scotland and Norway along the way.

What Once Mattered

We can all relate to warped or misplaced priorities. When you’re 20 years old you care more about your outfit or where you’re going on Saturday night, than your bank account. When you are thirty, it’s your fading good looks that keep you up at night (and perhaps cocaine if that was your drug of choice — no judgment), in your forties it might be a mortgage payment that is larger than you can manage, aches and pains in your fifties and so on and so forth.

I look back at the things that concerned me in the past and I wonder why nobody told me that it wouldn’t make an iota of a difference when I reached a certain age. Some of these things include, but are not limited to: brands & labels, Michelin star ratings, my attendance at parties, the cost of a gift I received, and how late I stay up Saturday night.

Why it Shouldn’t Matter

Perhaps it shouldn’t matter, but for reasons I cannot control or change, it does. For example, caring about what other people think. This has been on my goal list for years. In fact, I continue to care. How many likes I get when I post something on Facebook shouldn’t matter; in fact, it doesn’t. But who does or doesn’t like a post, does matter. When I exit a plane matters, I want to be up front so that I transfer quickly or get to passport control earlier than later.

I find myself struggling with how I process conversations: what I say, how I say it, what I don’t say. There is a righteous aspect of my personality that can make life difficult, but can I stop it? Probably not, however, I can modify my reaction; I can tone it down. I can almost see the relief on the faces of those who love me most. In truth, I sleep better after keeping my big mouth shut.

What Does Matter

Here’s where I get to make a list. A list that is actually longer than it should be. Hmmm, should be, there I go shoulding on myself again. What matters:

• What you think about my sexuality matters. If you’re disgusted by who I am and what I am, that matters. It took me way too long to be comfortable in my own skin.
• The people who have shown me that they care about me and want me in their life.
• The things I choose to spend money on and what things cost.
• Good people who deserve to be seen.
• Paco, my dog.
• What I eat, where I eat, and who I eat with.
• Where I travel and with whom I travel.
• My health and happiness.
• Being awake, alive, and present.
• What charities I choose and whether or not I choose to make my giving known.
• How I spend my time.
• Where I choose to live and how I choose to live.
• How and when I choose to die with dignity, if and when that choice needs to be made.
• My bed and the quality of my sleep.
• Lifelong learning and the desire to know more.
• My family.

I can proudly state that I am overall pleased with my list. The process of being discerning and thoughtful, has taken decades. That’s okay by me; I know some who never give it a first or second thought.

“The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask yourself.“

Ursula K. Le Guin

Insert your email address and hit subscribe to receive my blogs when published.

Future Travel

Oslo, Norway with Paco for all of July (with visits from friends throughout the month), Krakow, Poland in October, Bristol, UK in December and a much anticipated trip to the Puglia region of Italy in April 2025. Booked a Greece/Turkey/Egypt cruise for fall 2025. The United States in the late fall/early winter of 2025 or 2026: Brooklyn, Florida, Portland, Maine, Baltimore, Maryland, and Charlotte, North Carolina.

State-of-Mind

I lost a close friend this week; a second friend over too short a period of time. Angelina was nearly 100 years old and Angela only in her 70s. Losing a close friend changes you in ways that play out in choices not words. What matters now are love and an appreciation for the many gifts I have been given. That pathetic bible thumper, that jealous cousin, that watch you lost in Budapest, that extra twenty pounds: no matter at all.

“Death is inevitable for all of us. The only thing that really matters in the end is how we choose to live.”

— Aimee Carter