Or Deal With Me

Being born in Brooklyn has its advantages; one of them is bravado. Back in the 60s and 70s, we were taught to fend for ourselves. I’m sure it had a great deal to do with the mafia presence in Brooklyn, street gangs, and the nearly 3.5 million people who resided in a relatively small space.

Growing up closeted may also have a lot to do with my tough exterior. I was only moderately bullied because I put on a good front, but still, my guard was up 24/7. My brothers and sisters were onto me; they let me know that even though they loved me, the sexuality issue could not and would not be overlooked; as if I had a choice. The harder I was beaten down, the more resilient I became.

I don’t care who you are or who you know, come for me or anyone I love and I will make you wish you hadn’t. It’s not a threat, it’s a fact. Some call it aggressive behavior and others call it self-preservation; I call it peace of mind and I make no apologies for it.

What happened to me is not unique, take a look around and you’ll notice similar personality types for those who have been marginalized or ignored. Yet another reason to lift people up, as opposed to putting them down.

A Suit of Armor

The down side of putting up a massive shield is that it sometimes prevents the good stuff from penetrating. I state this as if I have personal experience; I might. I’m told by others who can be far more objective, that my guard is up and my openness to the possibility of a lifelong partner is non-existent. I don’t argue anymore for two reasons: first, I am happy just as I am and second, they could be right and I’d have to admit that might be the case.

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.” – Bob Marley

Vulnerability

If you want to see my softer side, be genuine and sincere. The divisive behavior I am seeing lately has me very concerned. Pick a side or you’re out seems to be the dominant mentality. If something is needling me; rather than pop-off, I am testing my self-control and staying quiet. Knowing that this is not my usual MO, it’s a good exercise for me. It’s a double edge sword; I may feel better mentally, but I am hurting emotionally.

The Wisdom That Comes With Age

One of the things that I have learned is that certain people love to stir the pot. If things are calm and quiet, they want to get folks riled-up. We all know who these people are; why do we give them air time?

What I have learned and what I am still learning:

• When someone around you feels compelled to gossip about someone you know, shut them down. “I am not interested in hearing this, thank you.” Or you can walk or move away. This does not include sharing concern for another . . . for example if a person in your group is engaging in self-destructive behavior and you may collectively be able to help them — this is concern and compassion, not gossip. Note the word “help.”
• People seem to thrive on a tribal mentality: “my tribe is superior and if you’re not on my side, you’re on the wrong side.” Respect for others goes a long way. It doesn’t mean you have to take a cruise with this person, but we can hear each other out and agree to disagree.
• If people in your social circle are talking about others who are also a part of your circle, those same individuals are probably chatting about you when you’re not around. And I don’t mean innocent small talk (e.g., “where is Chris these days? He’s always traveling.”).
• Your mental and emotional well-being is directly tied to the well-being of your peers. In other words, stay away from crazy. Some individuals are just not worth it.
• All individuals have prejudices and stereotypes they hold onto. When as a child, it’s drummed into you at home, in the playground, and in the classroom, how can you not hold onto it as truth. We can all either embrace the truth as fact and try to be better or we can further perpetuate falsehoods (e.g., immigrants are ruining our country).
• Good people who try to educate others are often beaten down in today’s divided world. No matter how strong you are and no matter how resolute in your quest for truth, after a while it starts to get to you and you can become numb or exhausted and give up the fight. We cannot allow this to happen.
• I do not appreciate pot-stirrers. There are other ways for one to become stimulated. For example, one could dig a hole in their backyard and bury themselves in it.
• If you can rest your head on your pillow easily at bedtime, you’re probably doing the right thing. In this case I am referring to good people as opposed to the other kind.
• If you’re an aging man, urinating may become difficult. Note: I’m not sure this belongs on this particular list, but it needs to go somewhere.
• Lighten up, chill, let it go, it’s not personal — you’ll live a longer, happier life if you take it all less seriously.
• The bravado part is all wrapped-up in my desire to be perceived as masculine. Sometimes the psychobabble makes sense.

Fill-in your email address and hit subscribe to receive my most recent blog.

Future Travel

A couple of short local trips to Spain and parts of the Algarve coming up soon; an Iceland cruise by way of Northern Europe in May; Oslo, Norway with Paco for all of July (with visits from friends throughout the month); a much anticipated trip to the Puglia region of Italy in the spring of 2025. The United States sometime in 2025 is likely: Brooklyn, Florida, Portland, Maine, Maryland, and North Carolina. I can now fly direct from Faro to Newark, thanks to a new United route. I booked a Mediterranean cruise for October 2025 — it sails from Tel Aviv, so it’s a bit uncertain. It includes parts of Turkey and Egypt I have not yet explored.

State-of-Mind

Spring has come early — it tends to do that in the Algarve. Since spring is my favorite season, I am taking advantage of the warm weather and I’m tending to my terrace garden and spending time at outdoor cafés and restaurants with Paco. Rain is glorious and I’m thrilled that we’ve had quite a bit this week. The primaries in the States are pissing me off, but people who care about me are teaching me to let it go. What troubles me the most is the knowledge that many of these radical right individuals have an agenda they dare not reveal. The repression of marginalized groups and the fear of losing power/control has been a reality since the day mankind started fighting for ownership of (fill in the blank). I’m not sure we will ever collectively agree to share resources and be honest with one another. It makes me very sad.

Before I sign-off I’d like to thank many of you for your delicious feedback about my blogging . . . I am inspired to keep it up.

Please forgive typos and grammatical errors; proofreading is the part I detest.