“Feelings that come back, are feelings that never left.”

— anonymous

I got feelings, you got feelings, we all got feelings . . . truth right; poetic even? Lately I feel like I’m feeling too much; too much is wrong with the world and I have the feeling that it isn’t going to get any better anytime soon. I’m wondering how to remain positive when everything around me is falling apart.

Is it okay to laugh when there is so much to cry about? Is failure to turn on the news or “like” your friends’ posts on Facebook, the same as living with your head in the sand? I’m not sure out of sight, out of mind is such a bad thing these days. It seems like self-preservation is the only tool that has any usefulness and my toolbox is half-empty, said the optimist.

Everybody wants to give you advice on how to make the best of it; why you should be grateful; remind you of all of the abundance in your life, but what if you’re just not feeling it? Are you the problem or the solution? For me, the answer is neither. I am neither complicit or the cure; what I am is human. Human beings feel and sometimes deeply.

My capacity to temper, hide, and/or come to terms with my feelings, has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. Empathy is good; however, when feeling the pain of others weighs you down to the point of stagnation, it’s time to reassess. Time to find a way to shut it down, switch it off, cover it up, and walk away. Don’t ask if it’s right or just, remind yourself that there are limits and that you are no good to yourself or anyone else when you have gone beyond those limits and you can no longer yank yourself out of bed.

Me First and the Face of Deception

We all know people who appear perfect. How does she do it? Why does he have all the luck? Who does she think she is and why can’t I be more like her?

You don’t have to go deeper than just below the surface to see that trouble and pain are being hidden, with the hope of never being discovered. That knowledge alone should help us to be more forgiving, but we’re not. We beat each other up and judge as if we ourselves have cornered the market on perfection. The moment we accept that we are all broken, is when we can accept our own flaws.

Why is it So Hard?

Beating yourself up is so much worse than you might realize. It has lasting effects on the psyche and makes you appear weak in the eyes of others. Dark, dark blog this week.

Two Steps Forward and One Step Back

As I become more aware of my feelings and the reason I experience negative feelings, I have to learn to accept that there are setbacks — times when I do not handle my feelings as well as I would have hoped. It is at these times when I realize patience, forgiveness, and learning from your mistakes are essential for future success.

My Next Move

I have no next move. I will continue to monitor my feelings, knowing that I will never stop feeling and I can do little to control these feelings.

Feeling by Bnxn & Ladipoe (partial lyrics)

Ain’t nobody Realer
Touch down got a couple gees for the dealer
Gang signs out the window my killer
Life getting sweeter no use water dilute my Ribena

So we toast to the good life
Every minute to the full cos I could die
Pull up open doors then it’s suicide yeah
16 bad woop and they all by the poolside

I like the way I’m feeling now
No come use your Reggae spoil my blues and rhythm now
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I like the way I’m feeling now
Omo e get small thing weh dey stress me but right now I’m chilling now
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I like the way I’m feeling now
No come use your Reggae spoil my blues and rhythm now
No no oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
I like the way I’m feeling now
Omo e get small thing weh dey stress me but right now I’m chilling now
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Travel Plans

I travel to discover new places, revisit places that make me feel good, and to recharge the worn out batteries. And of course, to be with friends and family.

Alvor, Portugal, end of July, Nantes and Pornic in mid-August, São Brás de Alportel, Portugal end of August,Toronto, Denver, and Detroit in mid-September, Northern Europe NCL cruise in early October, with some time in London for West End Theatre, Lyon in late November and I’ve decided to stay put in Portugal for Christmas ’22. Florida to be with friends March ’23. Asian cruise on Celebrity November ’23. This cruise has been postponed three times.

“Travel far enough to find yourself.”

— Unknown

Here’s Paco teaching me how to relax: