It’s not about you (repost with updates and new commentary)

Pink Flamingos in Namibia last week

If my internal voices had it their way, I’d be reduced to solitary confinement without supper. I keep telling myself it’s not about you because that’s what all of the wise asses tell me. “It’s not you, it’s them.” But is it them? Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t.

We get to inhabit this amazing planet ever so briefly. Yet still, we spend way too much time ganging up on ourselves. A part of you knows this. You know time is precious and that you are enough. Still, self-doubt and blame seem to be an easy go-to. I’m fucking tired of it. Two steps forward, three steps back . . . it’s exhausting. The good news is that it’s getting better every day.

“Fear and self-doubt are the greatest killers of personal genius.”

— Ziad K. Abdelnou

How many times have you been with a small little person (not a child, a creep) and walked away thinking something was wrong with you? There is only one explanation for this kind of self-flagellation: a very damaged sense-of-self. I’ve learned through talking with friends and strangers, that many of us suffer from this serious affliction. Professionals believe that it is prudent to explore the origin of self-doubt. For me it goes back to a mother who did not believe one should congratulate oneself. If I even came close to anything that resembled self-praise, I was shut down, scolded, and put in my place. Scarred for life.

A few weeks ago I was sitting with acquaintances; I shared that I had a Ph.D. and that my dissertation was about homophobia. I don’t remember why I mentioned it except that we were talking about being gay. I beat myself up for two days after mentioning my degree. Sounds ridiculous? Yes it was. I think I might be over this now.

I often wonder if knowing how my wounds were created helps in the healing process. The answer for me is that I’m certain it does help; however, clearly it’s not a cure. There is a great deal of work that has to be done beyond discovery. Confronting demons is one of the more difficult things we have to do in order to move on. Why did you do this to me? Do you have regrets? Would you do it differently if you could do it all over again? What does a do over look like? Tell me what I mean to you and how far you’re willing to go to protect what we have?

How Your Friends Can Help

I have a couple of friends that I know can be brutally honest and that’s a good thing. I will occasionally ask this kind of question: That conversation we just had, do you think I was being sincere? Did any of it sound like bullshit? If you’re open to their honest perception of what went down, you can make some serious positive changes in your life.

You have to pick and choose who you do this with and how often you do it; it’s asking a lot. I have one friend who usually nails it — I don’t always like what she has to say, but I know it’s insightful and useful. When you know someone loves you a great deal, you can trust that their words are coming from a good place.

When people only tell you what they think you want to hear, it does you no good. It tends to validate mistakes or bad behavior. I’m refraining from providing examples.

Journaling

I’ve been journaling for over forty years and I find it therapeutic and useful for two reasons: first, it tends to help remove it from your mind. When thoughts swirl around in your head, they tend to need a release valve of some sort. Journaling helps you clarify and purge. Secondly, and not as straightforward, if you’re willing to go back later and read your thoughts, it helps you to see that you may or may not have made progress. It can be a good gauge of success, failure, and change. Just don’t beat yourself up if you didn’t accomplish your goal or meet your own unrealistic expectations (i.e., last year I told myself that enough was enough and that I needed to speak Portuguese. I set a personal goal to speak conversational Portuguese by January 2022 — not realistic at all. I had to revise that goal several times and that’s okay.)

I will usually sit down with my journal sometime in late December to review the year. If I have sketched out some goals in January, it’s always good to see how far I have come. I have also realized that some goals are better not pursued. Travel helps me to see things in new and different ways. It gets me out-of-my-head; new surroundings help with out-of-the-box thinking and creativity. In truth, travel has been exhausting and I am happy to be home for a few months.

Stepping Outside of Your Comfort Zone

There are several ways that I choose to challenge myself. Some are more difficult than others:

• Set a goal and work toward surpassing my marker. For example, organizing my home. I’ll plan to tackle a room at a time and finish in a week. Once I get started, I will challenge myself to get it done in five days with a reward (dinner in a nice restaurant) if I succeed.
• If I find myself with thoughts(s) that I believe are damaging my sense-of-self, I will work toward either walking away from the source of these thoughts, or changing the situation so that the outcome will be positive. I am currently in a situation where a couple of people I spend time with, derive pleasure from belittling others. They’re subtle and subversive in their actions. I’m having to decide whether to stay and ignore their toxicity or walk away from it. Accepting that there are people and things I cannot change, has always been challenging. It is also good to remind yourself of your own flaws and shortcomings.
• Therapy entails a lot of work; however, the payoff can be enormous. I have been in therapy on and off since my early twenties. It’s difficult to quantify the benefits, but my gut tells me that I am a better person for having done the work. It is certainly not a one and done experience. I believe for most, some kind of therapy, is a lifetime commitment. The pursuit of sanity?
• Exercise helps me sort out toxic thoughts and put things in perspective. You’re accomplishing multiple goals when you physically challenge yourself. Let it become a good habit. I miss a workout and I feel it deeply. There are instances when I’m not near a gym or time does not allow a workout; a good long walk can be a positive replacement or substitute. I purchased a stationary bicycle for when I cannot make it to the gym. It’s been good for me to have a plan B.
• Meditation. I will always recommend meditation. Give yourself a few minutes a day to free up your mind and make room for possibilities. There are so many ways to meditate and most of them provide benefits.
• Travel for me is probably my #1 mind opener. It allows you to experience the world in different ways and see things in a different light. It’s a good way to step out of your comfort zone. It’s also a terrific way to meet interesting people and make friends all over the world.

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Future Travel

Iceland/Norwegian fjords, land & sea in May, Oslo in July. Finally, a visit to the Puglia region of Italy in the spring of 2025. The United States in 2025 is likely: Brooklyn, Florida, Portland, Maine, Maryland, and North Carolina. I booked a Mediterranean cruise for October 2025; more about that some other time — it sails from Tel Aviv (we’ll see).

Current State of Mind

We are experiencing spring-like weather in Faro and I am loving it. I am thrilled to be home with Paco.

Please forgive any grammatical or typographical errors. Thank you.

Using Your Own Yardstick

A few profile factors to keep in mind when reading this bloggers point of view: white older male, raised in New York City, working class parents, divorced parents (several times), one of many children (11 in all, two mothers, and two fathers and a step-brother from a step-father not included in the count), and a work in progress until there is no more work to be done; in other words until the end.

Asking the Question: Am I Successful?

As an American, I was raised in a money equals success culture. Living abroad and travel has taught me that money and material things are not necessarily the only way to measure success.

American Variables Pointing to Success:

• Where you live
• Your pedigree
• Whether or not you are well educated. Private versus public, ivy versus non-ivy, prestigious or run of the mill
• What your parents do or did for a living
• Your career(s)
• Size of owned home. Ownership is not always a factor
• Number of homes, second home, location(s)
• Money in the bank, savings, investments
• Where you vacation
• Whom you associate with
• The quality and cost of your “things”
• How you dress
• Which parties and events you are invited to
• Which country clubs you belong to
• The car you drive

I’m sure I’ve something out.

No Judgment

I want to start by making it clear that if any of the aforementioned matters to you, it is unfair to judge you. We cannot be blamed for the culture and/or societal norms we are often pressured into embracing. In addition, one should be free to choose if what one is choosing is legal and not harming another.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit to showing off some measure of success. There was a time when I would drop hints about a country house or where I received my Ph.D. Notice how I found a way to work that in. In retrospect, none of it matters anymore. All I want is to be healthy, feel safe, eat well, spend time with friends and family, enjoy Paco for as long as the universe allows, and see as much of the world as I’m permitted to see. I was born naked and pure and I will die stripped of the material world’s adornments. Whatever anyone else thinks about my success or lack of success is inconsequential. Now all I have to do is believe it.

Upcoming Travel

Marseilles in two weeks to see more of Provence and spend time with friends. These particular friends read where I was traveling, reached out and coincidentally will be in Provence at the same time. I love serendipity. Scotland in July. More future travel in my next blog.

Current State of Mind

I know I’m not alone in saying this; however, it is my story. I’ve come to a place where I feel that in order to keep things interesting, I will soon need to shake things up a bit. I cannot allow life to become mundane. Fortunately, unlike other times when I felt this way, I am not considering a big move. Having just spruced up my home, I’m planning on a hobby which allows me to spend more time enjoying it.

I am fully aware of the advantages of good health and leisure time; neither should be taken for granted or wasted on frivolity.

Writing on a tablet is challenging, therefore, please forgive all errors.

Tell Me When I’m Wrong

I’m using a photo of a child with angel wings because I cannot think of another example of complete innocence save for a child who has yet to master the art of cognitive reasoning. Anything this child does or might do in the immediate future is okay; he, she, they, cannot be blamed for anything based on the knowledge between right and wrong.

I, on the other hand, am not innocent. I clearly know the difference between right and wrong; however, being human means making mistakes — sometimes after well thought out decisions and sometimes just silly mistakes based on no premise whatsoever.

My point is this, if I cannot objectively know or recognize that I made a mistake, I want YOU to point it out to me. Ah, but here’s the rub: I want you to do it with kindness and thoughtfulness . . . when possible.

An Example For Those Who Do Not Get My Meaning

I’m sitting at a table having a delightful lunch with eight people and the dreaded Trump criminal charges come up. Without thinking, I assume everyone at the table shares my views and I am boldly vocal. It doesn’t take long to offend a forever Trumper at the table. Instead of having a private word with me the Trumper blocks me on all social media and snubs me at future social gatherings. Without letting me know that I offended said Trumper, how am I to apologize and alter my behavior?

Unfortunate Reactions (I’ll make this more general. My personal reactions are all over the place).

You should know that depending on the circumstances, the acceptance of your feedback may not be as smooth and easy as you might like. Having someone point something out you may not have been aware of, is not as palpable as one might like. So much of it depends on variables that might not have anything to do with the message. For example, four very difficult things happened that day and the weather sucks and you feel sick and your rent’s overdue . . . you get the drift. Someone you love and admire walks up to you and says, “There is something I need to share with you.” At that moment, when you are most vulnerable, you’re not thinking about how you might react to what is being shared, you’re thinking, “Oh shit, here it comes, this is all I need today.” That doesn’t make you a bad person, we’re only human. Remember that when you approach someone for a “conversation.”

This is where the kindness and thoughtfulness request comes to play. Consider the state of mind of the receiver. Is now the best time? When is the best time?

The other reaction might be complete denial: “I said that?, I did that?, I didn’t say that,” or all of the above. If you as the deliverer of the message, if you are certain of what occurred and you care about the receiver, don’t back down, remain resolute. Often, it’s just a matter of time and consideration before most sane individuals realize how wrong they were.

Upcoming Travel

Currently, a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium after a week at home; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.

Candor: I have recently had some difficult conversations with good friends I care a great deal about. There were moments and things said I wish I could retract. There were occurrences I wish I could erase, but the reality is that I cannot change what has been said or done. What I can do is prove that I am worthy of trust and that takes time and effort. Growth and contrition are never bad things.

Writing on a tablet is difficult. Please forgive all errors.

I usually cut, paste, add, revise, trim, and republish, when I update a previously published blog. I decided that this topic is more than most, a reoccuring theme in my life, it would benefit me more, to start from scratch.

This will not be the last time this topic comes up. I know now that letting go is a lifelong struggle for me. A struggle I am determined to conquer.

What I Have or Will Let Go of Sooner or Later

• People, things, places, notions/ideas, acquaintances, anger, fear, self-imposed expectations, worries and pain.

This list is not an exhaustive one. I think about letting go on a daily basis; new items get added, while others fade away. Where I am emotionally matters a great deal in terms of how well I cope. Also, how well I have slept, how I feel at any given moment, what I have planned that day, the people I am with, and so on, factor in.

People

For me, people have always been my biggest challenge. When you hold yourself up to high standards, you tend to expect the same of others. When you do this, you set yourself up for tremendous disappointment. Human beings make lots of mistakes.

It should be noted that I own my shortcomings and difficulties. I know that I’m stubborn, righteous, too direct, sometimes unforgiving, unrelenting, and occasionally wrong. Still, there are three things that can come up in a relationship that may or not be deal breakers. If a couple of the boxes or one box in particular is checked, it’s game over, done, so long sister. The three are trust (deception), a failure to listen, and taking me for granted. There are more, but these are the big three.

If you don’t like Paco, it can be a problem. I do forgive people with a deep seeded fear of dogs. I’m not sure how anyone can truly fear this guy.

Things

Material things are nothing but a trap. When I moved to Portugal I left behind most of my things. I found it to be easier and more freeing than I expected. I highly recommend practicing detachment from material things. The one exception for me is my home. I am profoundly attached to my home; it is my safe haven, my nest, my sanctuary. I have learned that time at home is healing and restorative — especially when I’m home with Paco.

Ideas

I occasionally come up with a new idea. Let’s call it a new way of being or a change in the way I have lived in the past. For example, there was once a club of sorts. For the sake of this blog I will say that I belonged to a bowling league. I bowled with the same group of twenty or so people for 10 years. During our scheduled season, I bowled every week for 12 weeks. After two or three seasons, I became frustrated because my bowling was not improving. I bowled on days other than league days, I took lessons, I purchased new equipment; nothing worked. After a while I felt like a total failure and it didn’t feel good at all. I’m not sure why it didn’t occur to me to quit. I was complaining to a friend over a beer and he asked me why I bowl. Oddly, no one had ever asked me this question. It took me 10 long minutes to respond and I finally answered that I had no idea. My friend’s advice was try a new activity. I heeded his advice, took up tennis and never looked back. It’s so easy to fall into a rut and allow misery to be the norm. This was one example of way too many.

You can apply this same condition to people in your life. If you cannot answer this simple question about a friend, it may be time to walk away: Does your friend treat you with respect? You can substitute family members or co-workers for friends in this exercise. Although, I acknowledge that walking away from either may be extremely complicated and difficult. Our attachments come with all sorts of societal baggage and expectations. The bottom line is that you need to take care of yourself. This has been one of my toughest life lessons.

What An Absence of Emotional Pain Feels Like

Therapy and aging are two different, yet equally effective ways of dealing with the people and things in life we need to walk away from. I once had a life coach helped me through a difficult break-up (and career crap). What I remember most about our conversations were how she normalized my angst. There are times and experiences in life that will make us feel bad no matter how hard we try to deny or hide it. The greatest lesson I have learned is to feel it and ride it out. When people tell you it gets easier, you never believe them, but the truth is that if you are able to endure the discomfort and hurt, it does get easier. You must also accept that: 1) it may become difficult again, and 2) people will try to accelerate the process — mostly so that they can feel better. Grieve, be angry, suffer, retreat, agonize over the pain; do it all at your own pace.

I titled this section “What An Absence of Emotional Pain Feels Like;” however, I’m not so sure emotional pain ever leaves us completely. Except of course, when we are dead. Emotional pain and discomfort seem to go along with the human condition . . . human beings feel many things, emotional pain is just one of them.

Feeling moments of joy after an emotional upset is entirely possible and probable. When those moments finally come, embrace those feelings as well. We are allowed to feel all of the range of emotions we were meant to feel. Most of us overly concern ourselves with how things might appear to others.

A Peaceful Place

Moments, hours, days, and sometimes weeks, away from people and situations that are causing us anxiety, is usually a good thing. Taking a step back to assess your feelings and state-of-mind, is a healthy part of the wellness plan. Some people know what is bad for them in an instant; others have to be told. I am open to being told, because I know that I don’t always see things that are right in front of me. I am blinded by empathy, obligation, and habit.

Upcoming Travel

I returned from a recent trip completely depleted. Isn’t a vacation supposed to be restorative? These days travel can zap all of your energy. Airports, Ubers, long lines, an hour wait for your table. No doubt you get the picture. I have consciously decided to give myself a break from travel and remain at home for a stretch. Except for the next few days: a short trip to Monte Gordo, Portugal and Seville, Spain. I’ve promised myself that this is it for a while.

My next trip (after Seville) will not be until March 2023. I will be flying to Fort Lauderdale to spend some time with good friends. Beyond Florida, I’ll be in the UK for a bit and France for short time. I’m realizing more and more that just a few days away is all I need for a reboot. My biggest trip in 2023 will be a two week adventure in Asia — land and sea. More about this trip in the coming months.

Thank You

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for reading my blog. I haven’t published for a while, spending most of my free time reading. A few of you reached out to me to see if I was okay. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me. I also want to let you all know that I feel better than I have in a long time. The essence of my life has always been love; I am feeling love deeply and profoundly at this moment in my life.

With much love and gratitude,

Christopher

Acceptance Part II and a Bit of Amsterdam

I’ve been trying to change several things about myself for a long, long time. Age helps you realize that there are things we cannot change. Acceptance is healthier and easier.

I’m in Amsterdam; a very tidy, liberal and picturesque city. It’s easy to walk and reflect, sit by a canal and ponder, or just allow your mind to wonder aimlessly. I write about acceptance a lot, I know. I have come to learn that denial is not sustainable or attractive.

Today is a good day to be grateful. It’s a beautiful spring day and I’m seeing a friend I rarely get to see. Today is not a day for feeling sorry for myself. Someone outside looking in might think I have nothing to sulk about, but in truth our demons can be invisible to others.

Today is more about acceptance. I apologize a lot, too much I think. I shouldn’t have said that, I should be more sensitive to how you’re feeling, I’m an idiot. Yes, I have uttered these words because I want to be liked and make myself smaller; less of a bully perhaps.

I am learning to accept the following:

I have physical limitations.

I beat my body up running marathons when I was young and fit and now I’m paying for it. There are things I can do to minimize the discomfort, but to say it’s frustrating is an understatement. Giving up some of the activities I was loved has been difficult. I’m finding news ways to challenge myself and push through the pain. This is one of those issues I believe you have to experience to truly understand the mental and emotional impact.

I am an older man.

When you have a voice inside your head saying you’re young and vital, it’s natural to believe it’s true. In truth, it’s better for me to accept reality. I am 63. It took some time and life experiences to get here. Embracing the truth and planning for the future will serve me well. Messages from the media and others may lead you to think you are done with the best part of your life; I know in my heart that the best is yet to come.

I am not the sharpest tack in the box.

This is not me being self-deprecating. I having always been aware of my intellectual limitations. I work hard to be informed and I use my average intelligence to gain as much knowledge as is possible. I think it’s unfortunate to believe you are smarter than you actually are. Humility and acceptance are better qualities for getting along with others. Some mistake humilty for conceit, but that’s more their problem than mine.

I may never love again.

It’s not sad or self-defeating or giving-up, it’s truth. I have been very fortunate to have been deeply in love multiple times. I know the space you have to be in to allow yourself to feel deep, unselfish, passionate love. For reasons I’m choosing not to divulge, I am not currently in this space. I hope that I will someday open myself up to these intense feelings, but for now I am happy to continue to fall in love with myself. Some say that this is necessary for the former to happen. I don’t know what is true for others; what I do know for certain, is that I have a lot to learn before I can give and receive a lasting love. The good news is that I embrace this truth and I accept what is or is not to be.

I like my creature comforts.

I have come to learn that there are many things I no longer wish to endure:

• Two foot snow banks that I have dig my way out of.
• People who are not genuine.
• Individuals who lack empathy and understanding.
• Lies
• Drama
• A twin bed
• A man who is not a car mechanic and has dirt under his fingernails.
• An excess amount of cologne or gnarly toenails.
• People who talk and talk and do not listen.
• People who ask you how you are, but couldn’t care less.
• People who cut to the front of the line.
• Haters

Try this exercise; it’s good to read these back to yourself and feel good about your list.

Many of you will read this and think it’s poppycock and ridiculous, others will relate, and still others will wonder why I am sharing such inane thoughts. It’s all good.

Amsterdam

What I can tell you about Amsterdam, is that it’s worth visiting: beauty everywhere, wonderful people who for the most part speak English, culturally rich and diverse, great food, easy to get around, not cheap but not London, and a good place for reflection.

See subscribe buttons on previous posts, not sure why but I couldn’t add it on my phone app. I promise to add it when I get home.

Heading home Wednesday for a long awaited visit from my good friend David. I have a few trips in the next few months… To be continued.

Note:

This was the first time I have gone on holiday and left my laptop at home. Writing on a phone is not easy when your fingers are the size large sausages. Please forgive any typos or grammatical errors.

If you’re thinking about flying into Madeira and you’re one of these people who gets all tense when it’s time to land, DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/video/news/video-1130293/SCARY-plane-landing-caught-camera-Madeira-Airport.html.

I was fortunate to have my entire row on the TAP flight coming into Madeira. I slid over from my aisle seat (I always sit in this seat so I can get up to pee without bothering anyone; I pee a lot), to get a good view of the landing. I had heard about the sometimes high winds and cancelled flights due to the aforementioned, but I stopped myself from watching videos or reading about my impending landing. Once it was happening in real time, I had to see it. We were approaching this magnificent island and the landing strip came into view. I had never seen it before and from a distance, it looked like columns on a huge palace. The whole experience was thrilling.

Just before landing, an announcement was made about a COVID-19 test at the airport. I was unaware that the government, the day before, had instituted a new policy about testing at the airport. I must admit that even though I was fairly certain I’d be negative, there was that .5% chance that I could have had the virus and I was asymptomatic. I was glad I had paid a little extra for additional legroom because I was at the front of the plane and I would be tested quickly. I have to compliment the Portuguese for their organization skills; this process was exceptionally well orchestrated. I had registered on-line, how I was traveling and where I was staying, and that saved me a bit of time. Honestly, it might have been six minutes from start to finish. The test is a bit uncomfortable, but not as bad as I had anticipated — only a few seconds of poking and swabbing. I was told the results would be emailed to me within the next 12 hours. I confess I didn’t check until this morning; I knew that if I’d tested positive I wouldn’t sleep. Fortunately, I had a very pleasant eight hours and woke-up to negative test results. You can talk yourself into almost anything.

One of the reasons I decided to fly to Madeira, aside from the island being on my “must go” list, is that most of Europe is a bargain (if you can go) right now. I get all happy inside when I land on a great deal. My four star hotel is normally double the price this time of year and I flew round trip for less than $200. I am on an island off of the northwest coast of Africa; not sure how much more exotic and perfect you could get?

There is a Aerobus right outside the airport that will get you very close to most hotels in Funchal for 5 Euros (8 roundtrip). The bus driver announced my stop and the Hotel Allegro was right across the street — no dragging of luggage and searching for my hotel with Google Maps.

I spent quite a lot of time booking my hotel. I didn’t even consider Airbnb this time for three reasons:

1. I wanted a room with a seaview
2. I wanted a big breakfast in the morning
3. It had to be an “adults only” hotel (love, love, love the little ones, but not on this trip)

They do breakfast at hotels really well in Portugal. It’s often included in the rate and it is quite a treat with omlets, fresh fruit, homemade jams, yogurt, granola and all sorts of delicious cakes. There is a photo below, but I don’t think you can tell that there is a mimosa in the photo; trust me, they had fresh orange juice and sparkling wine, I had two every morning.

The Hotel Allegro is in an area called Lido (allegro means: at a brisk speed and that sums me up) . The hotel is minutes from the beach, walking distance (or city bus) to Old Town, and surrounded by some very good restaurants. It’s a four star hotel, but I’d put it in the mid-range price group — important to have enough money to eat and drink while traveling. The room was spacious, comfortable, and had a Nespresso coffee maker. I was supplied with pods for the entire week. I bought some whole milk right next store and I had my 5:30 a.m. coffee in my room, every morning. You know by now how much the “little things” mean to me. The hotel also had a very nice gym overlooking the pool (used it four times) and a jacuzzi and sauna that were not in use due to the freakin’ virus. When you use the gym on vacation, you feel as if you can eat more pastry and so I did . . . eat more pastry.

I spent my entire first day sitting by the pool with a Grisham novel. The pool bar served a variety of cocktails and the bar menu was adequate. I had a delicious Caesar salad with huge chunks of chicken and fresh parmesan. Happy thoughts, happy body, happy tummy. By the way, pretty spectacular weather in early September; some clouds, but mostly sunny with temps in the high 70s and low 80s. I was told the weather is always good in Madeira. You’d have to look that up.

The Prince Albert Pub, a British Pub with British eats, for my first dinner. I wasn’t very hungry, I had battered shrimp and a margarita. Lots of people from the UK come here on holiday; their presence can be felt everywhere — not a criticism, more an observation.

A Casa do Vizinho for a scrumptious dinner my second evening. I had settled on a nicely reviewed Italian restaurant, however, it was closed on Monday night. Casa do Vizinho was a lovely alternative. Very pleasant outdoor seating, a view of the Atlantic, and a quiet side street. I had pork, mashed potatoes, all smothered with a rich & creamy mushroom gravy; delicious, but it would not have photographed well.

Mostly just relaxed and figured out where everything was on my second day.

Day Three in the Old Town

I ain’t gonna lie, you’ve seen one Old Town in Portugal, you’ve seen them all. Always a pretty church, always lots of cafés, and most assuredly, old architecture. There was something in Funchal’s Old Town I wanted to see and that was Rua do Santa Maria, a street filled with art covered buildings:

I was not at all disappointed. Many other streets in the Old Town were crowded, however, Rua do Santa Maria was all mine to take-in and enjoy. Sorry, I was not focusing on my photography skills. I did not get to see all the artwork, but I have learned over time, to always leave a bit for another trip.

Next on my day of playing tourist, I took the Teleférico do Funchal (cable car) up to the top of the mountain overlooking the city. I paid 11 Euros for a one-way ticket thinking it would be nice to take a bus down and see Funchal from a different perspective — very bad idea. Sitting on a hot city bus with a mask on, going down some very curvy roads, stopping to pick people up way too often, made me sick to my stomach. One hour of this and I was done.

The last photo is of community garden plots. I kept thinking about my time in Maine and how great it was to have a garden plot to grow vegetables.

At Carreiros do Monte you can have two men run you down the mountain in a wicker basket. It cost 25 Euros for one person (add another 5 or 10 for a tip) and 30 for two. It’s a very unique Madeira experience I just wasn’t in the mood to partake. There was a time in my life I would not have missed this experience, but alas those days are over. My heart goes out to these men whom I’m certain would normally be making a decent living; now they’re mostly standing around waiting for tourists who may not come for quite some time.

After hours of sightseeing and exploring, all I wanted to do was take a dive into my hotel pool, cool off, nap, and enjoy a well deserved ice cold cocktail. There was a German couple staying at Allegro and I could not help noticing them; in their 60s and very much in love. They held each other in the water, looked into one another’s eyes for what seemed like hours, kissed a lot and generally behaved like teenagers. I was jealous and awestruck. I honestly hope to feel this way about someone once again; very sweet and heartwarming indeed.

Dinner my third night at a local Italian restaurant with a view of the sea and a very talented guitar player. I had a half-bottle of some very nice Douro red, melon and Portuguese ham (the melon wasn’t ripe), and some “just okay” seafood tagliatelle. I won’t mention the name because although it was fine for my purposes, I wouldn’t recommend it. There are times when I’m travelling when all I want is a simple hot meal and a short walk back to my hotel. This restaurant was was perfect for what I required that night.

Day 4 — Skywalk, Wine Tasting and the Bumpiest Ride of My Life

You cannot and should not go to Madeira without going to Skywalk. I booked a full day island tour through Airbnb. I usually find their tours to be smaller and friendlier.

Dinner at The Wanderer

I made this reservation about a month ago. The restaurant only opened in October, but the reviews were excellent. Crazy concept: one day a week, one time slot, one table, one price, and whatever the chef is serving. I love that. 125 Euros, however, by most standards, a cocktail, five courses, and wine pairings, all in — that’s pretty darn reasonable. This was my one big splurge in Madeira. Save for the AC being out, this was an experience worth waiting for. Good company at the table and impeccable service. All around a winner.

My review for the Fork:

Christopher P. September 8, 2020 •

We live in a world of uniformity; these days very few experiences stand out as unique and memorable. Chef Selim is engaging, intelligent and masterful. His dishes are difficult to describe because they’re unlike other dishes you have been served and that’s a good thing. He and his staff will make you feel “at home” from the moment you enter this thoughtfully designed, intimate space. Each bite was magic and every pairing, complimentary. I’ve been dining out for 50 years and I have never had an experience that compared to The Wanderer. Perhaps Chef Selim will inspire others to follow suit.

That’s not soil in the center of the second photo (top right); Chef Selim forages mushrooms and prepares them many different ways.

Day Five

Dolphin Watching and a swim in the Atlantic — I normally do not partake in large group activities, however, dolphin watching was included in my day four tour and I was able to push it off to the next day. I was welcomed aboard the Seaborn and I have to admit, it was an extremely pleasant three hours. The catamaran was not at all overcrowded and everyone was well-behaved. It was a gorgeous day and there were dolphins swimming alongside the boat a good part of the trip (there really are dolphins in the last photo below — they were black dolphins). We had a chance to take a dip and the water was delightful. Proving to myself, once again, that I need to keep an open mind; easier said than done when you think you’ve done it all.

Dinner at Asian Flavours (the Brits put a “u” in flavor; not a British island, but as I said, you see their influence everywhere); a nice 15 minute walk from the hotel. My sweet & sour chicken and egg fried rice was delicious and exactly what I wanted in my belly. I had a view of the sea, great service and I was showered and in my pjs by 9:30 p.m.

I must have been exhausted from sailing and walking for the better part of the day. I crawled into my comfy bed and slept 10 hours. I think the last time that happened, I was 15 years old. Honestly, when you’ve had a restful night like that, you wake up feeling like you could accomplish just about anything.

My Last Full Day (day six)

I was excited to get home to Paco in 24 hours. I couldn’t think of a better way to end my trip than a long workout at my hotel’s gym, followed by a return to the pool with Grisham’s novel (yes, same novel), The Rooster Bar. The Madeira Wine Festival was taking place and I admittedly was tempted, but sometimes you just have to be horizontal and relax.

Lunch at a local fresh fish restaurant that has been open for years and had good reviews. I’m not going to write about it. I have been eyeing a bakery near my hotel since my arrival and dessert was imperative and perfection. Lots of offerings and good coffee — Boutique Lido. Definitely worth the calories; pastry eye candy.

Final Words

I got to have a bonus day in Madeira. TAP changed my original flight about a week prior to my trip and pushed it back eight hours, which would have had me returning to Faro at midnight. I called the airline (got them on the phone right away) and told them it was unacceptable to have me sit in the airport in Madeira for eight hours due to a noon hotel checkout. The very agreeable operator said he’d be happy to book me on another flight. I asked if I could return the next day; he quickly booked me on a flight the following morning. Apparently, they have this policy that if the change is 5 hours or more, you can make a flight change without a fee; good policy. I called my hotel and added a day. Whenever I have been able to add a day to a vacation, my “bonus day” has always been special. Making lemonade out of lemons.

There was so much to see and do on the island of Madeira, I believe I must return. When I lived in the States, the Caribbean was a quick and reasonable getaway, now I have Madeira. It is perhaps one of the most beautiful places I have ever been; the people are lovely, the accommodations superb, it’s safe, it’s affordable, and it’s Portuguese. I hit a home run choosing to travel to Madeira during the time of COVID-19 and I look forward to returning sometime soon. Six full days on the island was perfect; good to know for the next time.

Yes, I do spoil myself. Admittedly, taking care of myself and attending to mind, body and spirit, has been the greatest lesson of my life so far. I dare say, it may end up being the greatest lesson of my life period. Well, that and knowing when to say, I have had enough.

Looks like Bristol, England, September 30 is off. The UK is bringing back the quarantine regulation for travellers from Portugal due to increased COVID-19 cases. EasyJet made it easy to change my flights and the hotel had a free cancellation policy — the only way to book these days. I’m learning to live with these daily changes and minore upsets.