Papagni Pages

Author: CP

  • Owning Your (My) Political Truth

    Half In Half Out of the Proverbial Political Closet

    Many of my readers will skip over this blog and with good reason: people are sick and tired of politics. I am! Still, I firmly believe we have an obligation to take part in politics simply because it impacts all of us.

    Nevertheless, so many have buried their heads in the sand or chosen to ignore politics due to its divisive nature today. I mostly blame the media for the strong divide and I don’t see it getting any better, anytime soon. News organizations have figured out that if they get us angry enough, we will engage. In some ways it feels like an addiction — we’ll reel you in by giving you a small taste of uncovered or speculated criminal behavior and then we’ll keep you engaged by sharing snippets of hearsay and innuendo. This is not a conspiracy theory, it is known truth. In a way it keeps us off-balance; always seeking the real truth and a favorable outcome. Please note that none of my observations refer to all individuals.

    Woke, Liberal, Socialism & Taxing the Wealthy

    I recently posted a definition of woke. Above the definition I said that if you are not woke, I do not want you in my life. I was fully aware that some people would read that statement and think that I was addressing them. Don’t get me wrong, I was being serious. But if I were to break it down, what I mean essentially, is that if you do not care for your fellow human being, I’d rather not hang with you. Now how many people would fall into that category? No one I know. But . . . if an individual thought that I was specifically speaking to them, so be it. There will be no begging in my future.

    Politicians and the media have made “woke” a polarizing term because they want us to hate and distrust one another. I can’t help but wonder where this polarization will take us as a society. I’m preparing for the worst.

    I am a proud liberal and I believe there is a place for socialism; words that have been demonized by conservatives. Will the world ever come together on this? Not so long as capitalism is the world economy. Unfortunately, I believe that someday capitalism will implode; mostly due to greed. I hope I’m not around to see it.

    As long as wealthy individuals are contributing to politicians, taxing the rich will be a contentious issue.

    When it comes to being woke, I’m not sure why anyone has a problem with it . . . I’m being honest. I don’t think some people understand the meaning of the word.

    Picking Sides

    I am an independent voter. I want to hear from all of those individuals wanting to represent me and I want to analyze what they have to say. The problem with this scenario is simple: our (the U.S.) political system is not designed to support an independent politician. Other governments in the world are much more inclusive (see Scandinavian governments and some European countries), where representatives of all elected parties are active members of parliament. There are a few independents in the U.S., but the majority of them are democrats who like to portray themselves as free thinking and progressive politicians. It’s difficult to take them seriously knowing that their voices will be drowned out by the majority. Angus King, senator from Maine, is a good example of a bright, moderate leader, who claims to be independent. I’m not sure of his voting record and I don’t want to get mired in detail, but I doubt he ever votes with Republicans on the highly public and media covered issues. I wish I knew more about politics in other countries. I live in Portugal and I understand very little about the politics here.

    Currently, the following major issues are meant to divide us: abortion, immigration, taxation, healthcare, gun control, big versus down-sized government, climate change, and others I honestly do not keep up with.

    What we have are people voting: along party lines, based on the gender of the candidate, the candidate that will vote to keep their money in their pockets, religious affiliations, and sometimes whomever their spouse or best friend is voting for. How can we ever hope to have a fair and unbiased political system? Some of us like to think that best leader will rise to the top or emerge victorious; however, that leaves far too much to chance. Also, these days the separation lines between church and state are blurred in some places. This might be one of the most dangerous outcomes of politics today.

    Who is right and who is wrong? In my mind it’s about what is best for humankind in the long term. I know not everyone agrees. In the end, I pick the side preventing the extinction of human beings and a government that takes care of those in need. If we keep going in our current direction, we will indeed kill one another to the point of extinction. Mother nature can only do so much to protect us. And if you’re of a religious persuasion, history should show you that God does not prevent death, pain or destruction.

    Why State Your Case

    I’m old fashioned in my thinking about politics. I like to hope that people are gathering information; information that will help them decide which leader that like to have representing their particular agenda. If immigration is at the forefront for you, you’re going to want to know which leader will create policies or vote to accomplish what you believe will be an effective and fair immigration agenda. I would then use my voice to offer up my thoughts on the perspective leaders who see immigration as one of their most important initiatives: how have they voted in the past, what do they have to say on the issue, who do they align themselves with, who do they receive donations from, do they listen to their constituents, etc. Unfortunately many following politics today only listen to one side and unfortunately, that media outlet or individual is only presenting facts or information that create a distorted portrait of the truth. If you show a photograph of individuals running across the border at 3:00 a.m. with a caption along side of it: “Thousands cross the border illegally in the wee morning hours.” This clip is manipulating negative thoughts about immigrants. There is no information about why they’re running, what they are running from or toward, what alternatives they did or did not have, whether or not they attempted to migrate legally — all facts I want to know before I determine the best policy for dealing with it. Instead we have anger based on political bias. “These people are murdering our babies and taking away our jobs,” or our current leaders don’t care who they allow in to our country.”

    Where is our compassion? Aren’t the majority of American descendants of immigrants?

    I don’t look for conflict, when people disagree with me or have a different point of view, I’m happy to have a civilized conversation.

    How You Know When People Don’t Want to Hear Your Opinion or Don’t Like What You’re Posting/Blogging

    There are four ways that may inform you when people do not like what you have to say:

    1. People who normally respond to your words (posts) will just ghost or ignore you.
    2. People will straight out tell you they disagree and why (I love this). I enjoy when it initiates a good debate. Listening to all sides, not pointing fingers or placing blame.
    3. People will respond with a generic reaction: eg., you post something about Republicans holding up a vote in the House; someone replies: Republicans and Democrats, they’re all the same.
    4. People will unfriend you on Facebook. This is sort of extreme or passive aggressive, but I have come to realize that most people hate confrontation . . . and with good reason.

    I find it’s best to stand by your convictions and accept whatever comes your way. Integrity wins out over comfort and being well liked. We are all motivated by different things.


    “There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.”
    ― Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

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    Upcoming Travel

    Two months at home and I couldn’t be happier. Basel, Switzerland in September, Asia land & sea end of October/November and South Africa land & sea in February. I’m learning how to be a better traveller.

    Current State-of Mind

    My neighborhood is finally quiet; the area schools are on summer vacation, home renovations are on hold, the work on my building has been completed (for now), and it’s too hot for people to be out on the street. The quiet is sublime. Knowing it’s temporary makes it even more special.

    I don’t want silence 24/7. A little bit of city noise (traffic, sirens, airplanes in the distance) is nice; it’s a reminder that life is going on all around you.

    Please continue to enjoy your summer. I travel to find truth and the best bowl of pasta.

    Please forgive all grammatical and typographical errors. Thank you.

  • A Morning Person

    Revisited with updates. Done on my tablet, so it may be wonky.

    Paco taking in the morning sun on the terrace
    A foggy morning

    Early morning defined:  the hours between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. (lately 4:30 a.m. even early by my standards).

    I have been a morning person my entire life. My mom always reminded me that I would wake the entire household when I got out of bed. I don’t get out of bed at 5:15 a.m. because I have to; I wake-up early because I choose to. I haven’t used an alarm clock for 40 years (unless I have a 6:00 a.m. flight). Here are just ten reasons I love the early morning:

    1. It may just be the quietest time of the day. Night owls have finally gone to bed.
    2. You can watch the sun come up. For me the morning represents hope, change and a boat load of energy.
    3. That first cup of coffee. I drank decaf for years; it’s never been about the caffeine.
    4. It’s when my energy level is at its highest and I’ve tested this.
    5. I feel like I own the world (sort of grandiose I know).
    6. I feel like I can do just about anything.
    7. I’m usually the first to get to wherever I’m going.
    8. By the time I get to the gym — usually empty in the morning, I am fully awake.
    9. No one calls me before Noon because of the time difference between Europe and the U.S.
    10. “The early bird catches the worm!”

    Knowing When You Are Most Productive

    For the most part (there are exceptions), I wake up fully energized in the morning. I have a mental ‘to do’ list and I’m eager to start checking off the boxes. I know that by a certain point during the day, my energy level will begin to wane. I discovered my peak period during my freshman year in college. I was forced to register for a couple of 8:00 a.m. classes because they were the only classes with spots left by the time the juniors and seniors registered. Not sure how it’s done these days; back then Freshman got whatever scraps were left. Did not matter much to me, the courses I liked were not the popular choices (e.g., wellness, sociology, African-American studies).

    I often found myself sitting in a nearly empty classroom. Most of the students who had enrolled, could not get their asses out of bed. I would arrive early, eager to learn — haters, stop hating. My instructors were often impressed with my attentive behavior and I was usually rewarded for it. My Pavlovian inclinations and ‘aim to please’ character traits were a recipe for success. You have to become aware of your assets; mine were always charm and being upbeat. I’m not ashamed to admit any of this. It was never about superior intelligence; lucky for me common sense and ambition were appreciated (and rewarded).

    Throughout my college career, I continued to take morning classes, followed by library time and mental exercise (leisure reading, etc.). Whenever I started to get sluggish, usually after lunch, I would go to the gym to recharge my battery. Fortunately, I had a part-time job that required me to work early evenings. I was reliable and dependable and I sucked up to authority. Say what you will, but my debt was minimal and for the most part, I was allowed to study at work.

    The Advantages of Getting There Before Anyone Else

    Markets:  Food markets usually get started early; often by 8:00 a.m. When you arrive early you get first pick of all the fresh food. Depending on how you get there, the earlier you arrive, the more parking there will be.

    Government Offices:  Being one of the first to arrive at a government office has several advantages. I usually take a good book and try to get there an hour before they open. Government staff are dealing with some crazy stuff and the later you get there, the more agitated they are — not always the case, however, in my experience . . .

    Doctor’s Offices:  Doctors get backed up. Sometimes appointments are scheduled every 15 minutes. If the first person takes 30 minutes, everything gets thrown-off and it only gets worse as the day goes by. I always ask for the first appointment if I can get it. Even if it means I have to delay seeing the doctor for a few days, it’s usually worth it.

    Early Flights and Tourist Destinations:  Earlier flights have a better on-time record. As the day goes on delays can pile up and cause travel nightmares. If you’re going to a tourist destination, people with small children usually arrive a lot later because kids take some time to get ready in the morning. Get there early and you’ll surely have a more peaceful experience. I love kids. Did I tell you that I love kids?

    The Road: Getting on the road early will save you lots of time and aggravation. I think traffic is on my top three list of things I hate most. I have always done everything I could possibly do to avoid it.

    Bakery:  Baked goods right out of the oven are worth getting up early for . . . enough said.

    Early Morning Sex:  You have more energy and you can see your partner in natural light. Don’t laugh; it’s true. A distant memory I’m afraid.

    Write me if you think of others.

    A good piece on early morning productivity (click).

    You May Have to Put Your Phone On ‘Do Not Disturb’

    Most of my friends and family know that I’m in bed by 9:00 p.m. — at times, much to their dismay. But because they’re human, they forget, and I occasionally get a text or telephone call that gets me out of bed. On nights when I need a solid seven hours, I put my phone on ‘do not disturb.’ There is a small part of me that feels guilty about this, however, there isn’t enough guilt to stop me from doing it. I do this every night now.

    Disadvantages

    When there is an upside, you can be certain that there will be a downside. The following are several issues related to being an early riser:

    1. Most of the people in my life (nearly all in fact) are not morning people. You know who you are. You like to stay up late watching television/Netflix or reading or being out on the town or passing the hours waiting to be sleepy enough to hit the sack. There was a time in my life when saying goodnight to these folks was embarrassing for me. I would sheepishly walk toward the bedroom and feel guilty for calling it a night. That’s a thing of the past; however, I do sometimes go to bed and miss a really good conversation and/or a bit of juicy gossip. The wine flows and the guard comes down and I’m already two hours into la la land.
    2. There are genuinely times when I would like to go out dancing. Most dance clubs don’t get going until way past midnight. Staying up that late is very difficult for me. I force myself to do it occasionally because I believe being a social animal is important for my relationships and potential dating life. It’s way too easy to crawl under a comfy blanket. Especially after discovering Portuguese cotton; life changing, trust me. A disco nap (you may not know the term if you’re less than 40). The night out dancing is also a distant memory.
    3. People do get annoyed with you when you say you’d like to have dinner by 7:00 p.m. The problem with retiring early, is that if you eat too late, the food just sits in your stomach and can be disruptive to sleep. Again, most of my friends put up with me. I like giving dinner parties; this way I get to decide when dinner is served.
    4. Speaking of dinner parties . . . I am so glad that I do not live in Japan. In Japan, if you host dinner guests, you cannot call it a night while said guests are enjoying your hospitality. When your guests decide to go home, then and only then, can you say goodnight. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked my guests to leave my apartment. In fact, when I host guests overnight, I almost always go to bed long before they do.
    5. When I am an overnight guest in someone’s home, I do not hesitate to ask them to grind their coffee beans and set up their coffee maker before they go to bed. Conversely, when I have guests, I grind my beans the night before so that I do not wake them at 5:00 a.m. — it’s the little things that differentiate one from other hosts; good hospitality means letting your guests sleep-in.
    6. No matter what time I go to bed, I usually wake up at the same time every morning. It’s not a good thing, but I’ve learned that there isn’t much I can do about it.
    7. It’s not good for dating.
    8. If you like award shows, you’re screwed.

    You’re not a morning person, but you’d like to be? I know people who have successfully made the change. For the rest of you, stay who are and keep the morning quiet for me.

    Future Travel

    It’s a ways off, Basel, Switzerland in September. Big Asia trip September/October — five countries in three weeks; land and sea. South Africa February 2024 and back to Oslo next July. Travel light diet these days; not baggage, time away.

    Current State of Mind

    I am currently in Oban, Scotland. It’s been a truly wonderful trip (home tomorrow). Spent time with friends, enjoyed nature, saw lots of castles, ate well (when do I not eat well). It’s been a time of reflection and peace of mind. I’ve realized who my true friends are and what is important now. The essence of life is gratitude and enjoying the moment, for all that I have, I am grateful.

    A friend sent me this photo recently. I don’t recall which friend or where he, she or they took it. I tried to add a photo of my current view, but alas, it won’t work, so you’ll have to settle for this. The sender will come to me at 2:00 a.m. (for sure).

  • Saying Goodbye to Mom (repost)

    I held my mother’s icy cold hand and I whispered, “You can go now mom.”

    Mom and me. I know, I’m working that stache
    I apologize for the blurry photo. My non-digital photos are all in storage. I’m reposting this blog because it’s therapeutic for me to revisit the end of my mother’s life. It was extremely difficult and I’m only now beginning to forgive myself.

    “Why don’t you feel good about this? Wasn’t it the kindest thing to do?” If my intention was to have my mother pass in order to end her suffering, that would have been kind; however, that was not my intention. In truth, I thought it was wrong to keep her hooked up to a respirator and I knew she’d try to hang on for as long as she could; mom was fiercely stubborn. We had a complicated relationship and I was tired of the drama; I was done. Before you start hating me, I’d like you to consider a few facts. For one, my mother had been in and out of hospital for several years and near death numerous times. She was resuscitated and even though she told my stepfather that she did not want to be, he went ahead and ordered it anyway. She had not completed the paperwork in hospital, no surprise to me or my siblings. When I say that my relationship with my mother was complicated, I believe an explanation is warranted. In many ways, throughout my youth and twenties, I was the parent. My mother was a heavy smoker (even during her pregnancies), a gambler, cheated on my father, a thief (insurance fraud and groceries to name two), and she did psychological damage to all four of her daughters. Three out of four of my sisters had eating disorders due to my mother’s unhealthy weight obsession. I was constantly reminding her about the hazards of smoking, begging her to cut back; also to slow down the gambling, and to see a therapist in order to deal with her self-inflicted pain. So when I said, You can go now mom, it was after many years of shame and disappointment, as well as a strong belief that modern medicine was prolonging the inevitable. Some people will say that I judged her harshly; others will say that it does not matter how awful she was, I should not speak ill of her. You can be certain that my living siblings would attest to my account of our upbringing and the chaos she rained upon us as adults.

    How I handle my grief and remorse is my choice.

    When she was alive she would actually say, “I know you’re going to write a book about me when I die.” That was her way of telling me to wait. The irony is that I loved her. When family members would scorn her, I would jump to her defense. But deep down I believed that she was selfish, disingenuous, and should probably not have given birth to children. True, she had an abusive father and she got pregnant when she was 16 years old, but that does not excuse the poor mothering; she knew better. I’m certain she knew better.

    Future Travel

    Scotland very soon — Glasgow, Oban and several islands off the coast; a brief September trip to Basel Switzerland, followed by Dubai, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, and Hong Kong in late September and October; South Africa in early 2024.

    Current State of Mind

    Mellow, very mellow. It was sweltering hot and then we had the most glorious, cool, breezy day on Friday. It felt good to be alive.

    Mom always made Christmas special

  • The Evolution of My Political Ideology

    Not about Party Affiliation

    The Evolution of My Political Mind

    It would be way too easy to rant and rave about the “other” party, but that’s not what this blog is about. It’s about politics in general and why I believe we’re all so divided. Taking sides is nothing new, we all know it’s been the case since the beginning of time. It almost seems as if we were born to be fractious — as if it’s in our DNA. I know I can’t fix the world; however, it’s been part of my own journey to make peace within my heart and mind. I constantly have to remind myself that I am only responsible for myself.

    We need to reflect and recall that every hate campaign in history ended badly for the haters.

    Naive Childhood

    I was raised by a bigoted father and an over-the-top liberal mother. Fortunately, my public school education in New York City exposed me to diversity, tolerance, an accurate retelling of history, and critical thinking. There were mistakes made in teaching; however, I was provided with the tools to think for myself.

    Angry Youth

    I was young, righteous, and full of balled-up energy. It was the unjust establishment I hated and fought. I went to every march and protest. I wrote poetry to express my thoughts and feelings. It was the time HIV and AIDS, Women’s Rights, Gay Rights, Human Rights, Trickle Down Economics, etc.; there was a lot to be angry about. I was naive, but it did seem as if resistance and conviction brought about change. I witnessed the end of the Vietnam War and the resignation of Richard Nixon. I felt empowered and hopeful.

    Complacent Middle Age

    My career was everything at a certain point in my life; at the expense of relationships, a social life and everything else that should have mattered. Politics was the last thing on my mind and so I tuned it out. I’m not even sure I voted; I hope I voted. I am ashamed of how pitifully self-absorbed and apathetic I was at the time. Coming from two southern universities during my 20s didn’t help; the south was resistant to change and I was complacent.

    Raging Angry Older

    Me now. I’m always angry. The left, the right, the lies. I’m so tired of learning things the U.S. government (and other governments) does, like the raises Congress gives themselves, their healthcare for life, their generous time off, and their justification of all of the above. I’m angry about lawlessness and corruption and tax laws that favor the rich and the loss of personal freedoms and children starving while billions of dollars is stored in tax sheltered churches and non-profit institutions and big pharma and big agriculture and shady deals that favor monopolies and the regression of laws that protect minorities and sending immigrants back to war and poverty and uncharitable foundations and agism, sexism, anti-gay, anti-women, anti-transgender and dozens of children dying every day because of antiquated gun laws or pro-gun second amendment idealists, and on and on.

    I’m old enough to know that there have always been causes and corruption, but I’m idealistic. I want to believe that there is hope, that we change for the better, but I’m not sure that’s true. Perhaps this is how humankind was meant to function — perpetual dysfunction.

    Balance and Peace of Mind

    When the world around you is in a state of chaos, and when is it not, what do you do? It seems to me that those who say that if something is out of your control, you have to let it go, are giving the best advice. You do what works best for you and let others judge themselves.

    If you have the courage and strength to fight, fight the good fight. I am encouraged and hopeful that today’s youth will change the horrible world they’ve inherited. I’d like to think that I’ll be around to see it.

    What I Can Do

    • Vote
    • Speak up when I hear a non-truth
    • Educate people I care about
    • Meditate
    • Walk away
    • Breathe
    • Nothing (sometimes it’s the best response)

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”

    — Groucho Marx

    What troubles me more than anything, is the failure of our educational institutions and media outlets to educate in earnest. Our citizenry also has to take responsibility for resisting the truth and disregarding facts. We can do better.

    Future Travel

    Scotland is coming up in a few weeks; a brief September trip to Basel Switzerland, followed by Dubai, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, and Hong Kong in late September and October; South Africa in early 2024.

    Current State of Mind

    I had some visitors from the States who were gracious and non-demanding. Having guests is a lot of work, but some make it easy. It truly made me feel grateful for all that I have. They reminded me that it has all to do with the choices I have made. You know what, they’re right. Embrace the good and let go of what you cannot control.

  • Accepting Who You See in the Mirror

    Revised and Updated

    “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.”― Eleanor Roosevelt

    Eleanor Roosevelt

    Eleanor seemed to have it together. My goal is to think the way Eleanor thought. Well, we know that’s not happening. I took these selfies recently and let me tell you, I’m not a selfie taker (I read that all selfie takers say that). I’m not sure why I took them or where I took them, but they do pretty much sum up how I feel about getting older.

    Getting older is not for the faint of heart (a friend shared that it was Mae West who gets credit for this quote). Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think:  it’s not fair that my father was handsome his entire life or see that wattle under your chin? — you deserve it for teasing mom about her’s. I want to love every line on my face and embrace my sagging eyelids and I want to believe that there is a reason there is more hair in my ears than on the top of my head; although I might have to let that one go.

    I was coerced and cajoled into going to a Carnival party last night. You know the feeling:  I’m too old, I’ll be invisible. I don’t want to dance, the food will suck, and so on. I pushed myself so that I could prove to myself and my new Portuguese friends, that I could party with the best of them. I decided to wear whiteout make-up in hopes that it would cover my lines, I sported a new t-shirt, newly refurbished black boots and some borrowed red lipstick. I made an effort and it worked. I had a great time and although I wished the party had started a bit earlier, I stuck it out for a few hours and I went to sleep smiling; facial lines intact.

    I know all of this is normal growing older stuff and I know that at some point I will probably embrace it, but that doesn’t mean I should stop trying to be better at it now. In the meantime, I need to continue to push myself outside of my comfort zone.

    Some Things One Can Do to Embrace the Aging Process:

    1. Take care of your skin — Twenty years ago, I paid quite a lot of money for a facial in New York City just to learn how to take better care of my skin. The biggest lesson I learned was about toner. It’s really important to close your pores after you’ve washed your face or shaved. If you do not close your pores or use toner to close your pores, anything you put on your skin will go right into your pores and clog them up. That’s when you end up with blackheads and pimples; yes I still get pimples — moisturizer is also important for preventing wrinkles; dry skin is more likely to wrinkle. Some men are way too macho to care about this stuff, but for those who do, it is possible to have good skin your entire life.
    2. Take care of your body — We all know that unless you eat right and exercise, your body will give you all sorts of problems. Thirty minutes of exercise a few days a week will go a long way for good health. Eating fresh food and taking vitamin supplements are also essential. I do it all in moderation (or I won’t do it). Genetics plays into aging; however, how well you take care of your body, is a huge factor in how well you age.
    3. Stay sharp — Mind, body and spirit are usually the three aspects of your life that experts point to when discussing good health. Keeping your mind sharp means that you have to exercise your brain. Sitting in front of your television can be relaxing and benefit your mental wellbeing, but doing things that stimulate your mind are key to staying mentally sharp. Reading, puzzles, attending lectures, and participating in stimulating conversation, are examples of things you can do to stay sharp. Don’t let your brain atrophy.
    4. Dress Up — This is a difficult one for me. Give me a nice cotton t-shirt and some soft cotton sweatpants and I’m good to go. That’s okay for grocery shopping or taking a brisk walk, but when you’re going out for dinner or to a concert, make the extra effort and dress up a bit. People around you will show you how much they appreciate the effort. When we get lazy and let ourselves go, it affects the way we feel about ourselves and has a negative impact on the way we interact with others. It can be so subtle we don’t see it, but trust me, it’s there. Experiment with this and wear a sports jacket and tie to dinner; you’ll see a big difference in the way people treat you — you too ladies (without the tie though).
    5. Pamper yourself — vacation, massage, long walk on the beach and so many other things you can do to say “I love you” to yourself.
    6. Be graceful and gracious — Always put your best self forward. Good manners and a positive attitude go a long way in navigating the world around you. We all need one another at one point or another. Show the people around you that you appreciate them; when you need something, people will remember how you treated them or whether or not you thanked them. We all need to be appreciated. I have had to remind several people in my life that I should not and will not be taken for granted. It’s all part of being a good friend or family member — we can all learn from one another. People always say that the world was once a kinder, gentler place. It’s difficult to know how true that statement is; however, it doesn’t hurt to strive to improve; we all benefit from a kinder world.
    7. Volunteer — An opportunity to give back, do something fulfilling and meet new people.
    8. Remember the alternative is not-so-good

    There was a time I would look at someone with obvious plastic surgery and get all judgy about it. I’ve evolved and no longer care. Do whatever you want to do to yourself if it will help you feel better.

    What to Say to People When They Ask You How Old You Are

    • I used to add ten years onto my age to see what kind of reaction I’d get. One time I did that and the person said, “That’s what I would have guessed.”  Needless to say, I stopped doing that.
    • You can stand tall and proudly declare your exact age.
    • You can lie if it makes you feel better.
    • You can say, “I’m in my 50s but I feel like I’m 30. Don’t I look 30 (update)?” And then laugh at yourself; always laugh at yourself.
    • You can tell people what was happening in the world when you were born. There was a major solar eclipse on the day I was born. I like sharing that for some reason. I believe the strength of the sun on the day I was born had a lot to do with my birth. You don’t have to agree with me, that’s okay.
    • I wouldn’t say, “How old do you think I am?” unless you are prepared for their answer.
    • You can say, “Old enough.”
    • You can say, “I have a few years on you or I think you may be older than me (be prepared to die (update).
    • Fill in the blank __________________________.

    How Others Age

    Try not to compare yourself to others. Like I said earlier, genetics plays a major role in aging. Some people seem to have better skin. Some people have arthritis and some don’t. Some people can build muscle more easily. You get my point; be easier on yourself.

    One of the things I love about growing older is that you seem to care less about what others think — it’s freeing, to say the least. I’m looking forward to caring even a little less. I’m talking about the divisive stuff, not the loving and caring stuff.

    A couple of good articles:

    Aging in Beauty

    Learning to Love Growing Old

    Coping with Aging

    Future Travel

    I am happy to say that I am home in Portugal until July 4 when I will leave for Scotland. We have beautiful weather here in June and the tourists will not arrive in huge numbers for a few weeks (at least not in Faro). So coming up I have Scotland, Asia for three weeks and then South Africa in 2024. That is pretty much it; I hope to keep it this way for awhile. Traveling by air has become exhausting and anxiety producing. I can handle only so much of that insanity.

    My Current State of Mind

    I am happy to be home with Paco and sleeping in my own bed. I have no regrets about getting caught-up in the French air traffic control strike or my 24 hour flight delay, and I missed Portugal. The ol’ allergies are not as bad either.

    Please do me a great favor: if I ever offend you, hurt you, annoy you, etc. find a kind way to tell me. I honestly want to be a better human and you can help.

  • Pain Management of the Arthritis Variety

    You too? I’m finding arthritis to be very common among my peers.

    Where I’m headed

    My father was middle aged when I was born and old when I was in my 20s and 30s. He suffered from very painful arthritis in several parts of his body. I remember thinking, I’m going to take care of myself and that won’t be me. Wrong. . . that is me.

    I started running when I was 17 years old, having been told it was a great way to lose baby fat; I had a lot of baby fat. One of my two female roommates struggled with her weight as well and so, we ran together. A combination of running and eating better helped me become a trimmer, happier young man. Running became an addiction. In truth, I ran to survive. Running was one of the only activities that would calm my brain. It provided results and allowed me to eat pretty much anything I loved. I ran almost everyday for thirty years. I ran marathons. I ran when I traveled. A few years ago I had so much pain from inflammation, I had to stop running.

    Being a large man, 6 ft., 200 lbs., didn’t pair well with running. That’s a whole lot of weight hitting that hard New York City pavement. Running eventually led to inflammation of my joints, which eventually led to chronic arthritis.

    I recall doing laps in my Brooklyn pool (my building had an indoor pool) and feeling cramping in feet, thinking what the heck is this? It was the early stages of arthritis; more than likely from running. That cramping and discomfort has never gone away and now, I live with it in my feet, knees, lower back, shoulders, and just recently my hands. It’s chronic and annoying as hell. I am a fairly physical person; always on the move, always challenging my physical limitations. It’s getting harder and harder to keep that up.

    Five Remedies

    A few of these remedies are healthier than others. I will list them in order of what I believe to be the healthiest to the potentially dangerous:

    1. Stretching — I’m not sure if stretching actually helps arthritis, but I do know it feels good. Inflammation can make you stiff and stiffness is uncomfortable and painful. Loosening up your joints can give you sweet relief. I stretch at the gym for about 10 minutes before I workout in the morning. I know that I should probably spend more time on my back and legs, but I’m always anxious to start my workout and get it over with.
    2. Devil’s Claw — Native to southern Africa, devil’s claw (Harpagophytum procumbens) gets its name from the tiny hooks that cover its fruit. Historically, devil’s claw has been used to treat pain, liver and kidney problems, fever, and malaria. It has also been used in ointments to heal sores, boils, and other skin problems (Mt. Sinai). I’ve been taking Devil’s Claw in pill form for three months. It took four-to-six weeks to feel the effects. I’m not 100% sold on Devil’s Claw; however, I did notice that when I went from 500 to 1500 mg. three times a day, it did make a difference. You never really know if it’s the placebo effect or it’s truly working. I’m going to keep taking it; it’s inexpensive, has no side effects, and it is recommended by medical doctors throughout Europe.
    3. Cayenne — Inflammation is the body’s natural response to injury or infection, and it often causes redness, swelling, pain, or heat. Cayenne pepper and other hot spices are widely considered powerful anti-inflammatory spices that can help reduce chronic inflammation and pain (HealthifyMe). I take a 1/4 teaspoon in warm water every morning. It’s not easy to swallow, but it’s another thing I believe can only help. And . . . it’s really cheap.
    4. CBD — Research suggests that CBD can ease inflammation, among other potential benefits. Research suggests that CBD’s anti-inflammatory properties may be beneficial for rheumatoid arthritis, as it affects certain cell viability. It may also have a synergetic effect on rheumatoid arthritis medication (Google). I don’t know enough about CBD to tout its benefits. I use it as a topical remedy in cream form. I purchased CBD oil (without THC) and put a few drops in body cream. I rub it into my shoulders and back and hope for the best. I wish I could tell you it works; I’m not sure.
    5. Ibuprofen — a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) used to treat mild to moderate pain, and helps to relieve symptoms of arthritis (osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, or juvenile arthritis), such as inflammation, swelling, stiffness, and joint pain (Mayo Clinic). The current recommendations for ibuprofen are to limit daily use to no more than 30 days. Dosing can range from 400 mg to 800 mg up to 4 times a day, with a daily maximum of 3200 mg per day. Above this limit, the negative effects of COX inhibition begin to outweigh the desired benefits of decreased discomfort and pain (Mdmercy.com). This last bit is what concerns me. I dated a medical doctor for several years. He repeatedly warned me about the long term side-effects of ibuprofen. I only take ibuprofen if my pain or discomfort is intolerable; not very often.

    I’m not going to lie, I fear that the inflammation in my joints willworsen over time. The only hope is there has been tremendous relief in my right knee pain. I suffered with intense discomfort for several years and when I moved to Portugal this pain went away. I’m not sure if less humidity contributed to its disappearance or if no longer running helped it go away; perhaps it’s a combination of the two. Whatever it is, I am grateful. It gives me hope that I might find relief in other parts of my body.

    Arthritis in my hands is a big concern. It seems to be isolated to the joints between my thumb and the pointing finger. Stretching and rubbing the area does help.

    I hope my own experience and research has been helpful for some of you who suffer as I do. Helping ourselves through life’s challenges, empowers us to work through any obstacle to our happiness and well-being. I’m challenging myself to stay positive.

    “It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.”

    — Anonymous

    Upcoming Travel

    Provence (south of France) today. I’ll be visiting several wineries and returning to points-of-interest; it’s been awhile since I visited Provence. I will be seeing friends and eating well. My Airbnb has an amazing view of Marseille; a city I’ve never visited. I think this trip will do me a world of good.

    Current State-of-Mind

    I had a day this week that blew me away and I hope it happens again soon. I woke up on Monday morning feeling like Superman. I knew that I could and would accomplish anything and I did. I ran through my To Do list in record time and I did a lot that wasn’t on my list. My energy level was at an all-time high; I took full advantage of it and reaped the rewards.

    I’ve done some redecorating in my apartment and I’m very pleased with the results. My nest has always been important to me, as I get older even more so. Minimal, colorful, and comfortable — that’s what I like. More and more, I trust my instincts and embrace the results.

    “Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” —John C. Maxwell

    As always please forgive grammatical and/or typographical errors. Especially this time as I am writing on my tablet.

  • Maximizing Quality Sleep

    Being Realistic At the Same Time

    Caution: Do not read this blog if TMI is a problem for you. I apologize that the subject matter is sort of bland this week. This is what happens when things are moving along swimmingly well.

    This is based on a lifetime of experience and many sleepless nights.

    The Perfect Night’s Sleep

    I am going to begin by describing what I believe to be the perfect night’s sleep. Later I will go into individual needs, what works versus what doesn’t, why sleep matters, and what to do if you did/do not achieve your sleep goals.

    When I wake-up naturally after 7 1/2 to 8 Hours sleep feeling rested, fresh, and with clarity (fond memories of my last dream), I can accomplish just about anything. The difference is a good day versus a challenging day. I have not used an alarm clock since I was a university student. No matter what time I go to bed, my body wakes up at about 4:30 a.m. It used to be just after 5:00 a.m., however, lately I have been dozing off by 8:30 p.m. I know that may seem early for some, but this is the time my body shuts down. If and when I listen to my body, I get a good night’s sleep. I have a few friends who think I’m missing out on fun nighttime activities, to them I say, you’re missing out on the splendor of the early morning.

    My Needs In Order to Achieve a Good Night’s Sleep

    It is important for me to be thoughtful about my sleep patterns. I have a very common problem for older men where an enlarged prostate wakes you up in the middle of the night so that you can urinate prior to returning to sleep (hopefully). Without medication, I was waking up three or more times each night and experiencing difficulty urinating. With medication I can sleep longer and urinate more easily and less frequently. This means I have to remember to take the medication when it is meant to be taken. I’ve been on Redict for about a year; thankfully, it is the only medication I take. My urologist would like to avoid surgery and I am 100% on board with that.

    What Works Versus What Does Not Work (be prepared for more information than you need)

    • A dark room is essential
    • Minimal outside noise (my bedroom is at the back of my apartment mainly because the city picks up the trash anytime between 2:00 and 5:00 a.m. in my section of Faro — it’s crazy loud. I used to hear dogs barking in the middle of the night, but fortunately that has either stopped or I no longer hear it.
    • My sheets must be a soft cotton and washed once-a-week; if I’m even a day late I can tell the difference.
    • I have purchased over fifty pillows over the last forty years, attempting to find the right one. I still do not feel as if I have it right. I currently sleep on one medium density goose down pillow. I have had neck surgery due to multiple issues; therefore, without proper neck support, I wake up with a stiff neck.
    • My bedroom needs to be free of odors. I recently tried a new fabric softener and I had to wash my sheets the next day.
    • The temperature of my bedroom needs to be somewhere between 60 and 65 F.
    • My blanket must be light year round. Down is ideal in winter and cotton in summer. The in-between months are challenging, but at this point I know to keep a variety of covers nearby in case I need to make a change.
    • I cannot drink more than one cocktail or two glasses of wine within two hours of going to bed. If I exceed this amount, I wake in a pool of sweat.
    • Wherever I am sleeping, a toilet has to be close by. I recently stayed in an Airbnb where the listing stated there was a bathroom in the sleeping loft; indeed there was a bathroom, except that it didn’t have a toilet. I had to go up and down a narrow flight of stairs — needless to say, little to no sleep.
    • My space has to be super clean.

    Perhaps now you will better understand why I live alone. The Princess and the Pea children’s book is relatable.

    Why It Matters

    There are two reasons it matters a great deal: first, without the proper amount of sleep I do not function well. I do not think straight, I make mistakes, I can be short with people, I don’t enjoy food as much — you get the picture. Second, I know that I am much healthier when I sleep well.

    Dreaming is an important part of my sleeping pattern. When I have a deeper sleep, I dream all night and wake-up feeling so much better.

    An afternoon nap usually helps when I’m sluggish. Even if I do get a full eight hours, an afternoon nap can be quite delicious.

    “The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.”

    — E. Joseph Cossman

    Random Ideas for A Good Night's Sleep
    • Manifest your goal by imagining it
    • Treat yourself to a fabulous hotel room
    • Keep lavender near your bed
    • Do not eat right before you go to bed
    • Keep your television out of the bedroom
    • Instead of drinking water in the middle of the night, I gargle with it and spit it out — for obvious reasons.
    • Do not paint your bedroom with loud colors; neutral, soothing colors work better
    • Think pleasant thoughts. If you journal, put it down on paper and get it out of your head.
    • Attempt to resolve conflicts before you go to bed.
    • Don’t watch the news before bed
    • Reading a good novel is the best sleep aid
    • Do not spend time on electronic devices right before turning out the light
    • If you can, have a pleasant conversation with someone you care about before you go to sleep
    • The better your day, the better your night
    • If thoughts are looping through your brain, get out of bed and walk around a bit to break the pattern or read for a bit.

    Write me if there is something that you do that really works.

    When I was living in New York City, there was a period of time when many people were getting bed bugs. It was a nightmare which was expensive and caused a great deal of anxiety. Throughout this period, I imagined that I had bed bugs too many times. I’d wake up in the middle of the night scratching and using a flashlight to check for bugs. Thankfully, I never had them, but the fear was almost as awful as an actual occurrence.

    ___________________________________________________

    Future Travel

    Provence next week and then I’m going to enjoy the Algarve until early July, when I will be in Scotland for a couple of weeks of cooler northern Europe weather. Fall: Asia, land & sea, and then South Africa in winter. This is all of have planned and I’m going to keep it this way for awhile.

    Current State-of-Mind

    I’ve added this permanent section to my blog to demonstrate one important fact of life:

    Your state-of-mind may not be linked to anything in particular. It took me a very long time to learn that no matter what I do to feel good, there are days or times in my life when I am either uneasy, unhappy, or unhinged. Managing these emotions is a lifelong task. I’m doing this one day at a time with gratitude and good intentions.

    ____________________________________________________________

    Writing this blog has been helpful on many levels. Any feedback on topics or content is appreciated.

    “Life is like the ocean. It dips and dives. You can have a general course of navigation but you can't stop the tide from where it takes you.”
― Isabella Poretsis

As always please forgive any grammatical or typing errors. Oh yes, also forgive my crass and awkward sense-of-humor. And remember, we are all just a little crazy; some are batshit crazy.

  • Measuring Success

    Using Your Own Yardstick

    A few profile factors to keep in mind when reading this bloggers point of view: white older male, raised in New York City, working class parents, divorced parents (several times), one of many children (11 in all, two mothers, and two fathers and a step-brother from a step-father not included in the count), and a work in progress until there is no more work to be done; in other words until the end.

    Asking the Question: Am I Successful?

    As an American, I was raised in a money equals success culture. Living abroad and travel has taught me that money and material things are not necessarily the only way to measure success.

    American Variables Pointing to Success:

    • Where you live
    • Your pedigree
    • Whether or not you are well educated. Private versus public, ivy versus non-ivy, prestigious or run of the mill
    • What your parents do or did for a living
    • Your career(s)
    • Size of owned home. Ownership is not always a factor
    • Number of homes, second home, location(s)
    • Money in the bank, savings, investments
    • Where you vacation
    • Whom you associate with
    • The quality and cost of your “things”
    • How you dress
    • Which parties and events you are invited to
    • Which country clubs you belong to
    • The car you drive

    I’m sure I’ve something out.

    No Judgment

    I want to start by making it clear that if any of the aforementioned matters to you, it is unfair to judge you. We cannot be blamed for the culture and/or societal norms we are often pressured into embracing. In addition, one should be free to choose if what one is choosing is legal and not harming another.

    I would be lying if I didn’t admit to showing off some measure of success. There was a time when I would drop hints about a country house or where I received my Ph.D. Notice how I found a way to work that in. In retrospect, none of it matters anymore. All I want is to be healthy, feel safe, eat well, spend time with friends and family, enjoy Paco for as long as the universe allows, and see as much of the world as I’m permitted to see. I was born naked and pure and I will die stripped of the material world’s adornments. Whatever anyone else thinks about my success or lack of success is inconsequential. Now all I have to do is believe it.

    Upcoming Travel

    Marseilles in two weeks to see more of Provence and spend time with friends. These particular friends read where I was traveling, reached out and coincidentally will be in Provence at the same time. I love serendipity. Scotland in July. More future travel in my next blog.

    Current State of Mind

    I know I’m not alone in saying this; however, it is my story. I’ve come to a place where I feel that in order to keep things interesting, I will soon need to shake things up a bit. I cannot allow life to become mundane. Fortunately, unlike other times when I felt this way, I am not considering a big move. Having just spruced up my home, I’m planning on a hobby which allows me to spend more time enjoying it.

    I am fully aware of the advantages of good health and leisure time; neither should be taken for granted or wasted on frivolity.

    Writing on a tablet is challenging, therefore, please forgive all errors.

  • Talking to Myself

    Do I Hear My Own Words?

    What Talking to Myself Looks Like

    Before I go into the theme of my blog, I wanted to report that I was part way through this draft when I looked back to see if I had written about this topic in the past. What I discovered was interesting. In the past I have written about voices in my head I had referred to as “my demons,” this blog about the positive side of voices in your head or what talking to yourself (out loud) might resemble. What this tells me, is that I have moved past viewing these voices negatively and instead, see them as a positive influence.

    I’ll be packing for a trip and I might say, don’t forget your bathing suit. I’m not sure why, but it works. I seem to remember better when I put the thought out there in the ether.

    I also talk to myself (sometimes out loud) when I feel as if I need affirmation. For example, I might say, you were right to upgrade your cabin for the cruise. I don’t necessarily require an answer; one of the many benefits of talking to yourself.

    I haven’t seen a therapist for a number of years, instead I am using other ways to cope; this is one of the ways. I’ll admit that there have been times when I’d catch myself saying something out loud and then responding, that’s ridiculous! At least it’s me saying it and not someone else.

    Some of the Things I’ve been Known to Say Out Loud When Talking to Myself

    • Good morning America — when I see someone who takes my breath away
    • You don’t know shit — when I’m pretty sure I’m clueless
    • Take it easy
    • Keep your mouth shut Chris — hardly ever works
    • Fear will kill you
    • He or she is not worth your time or energy
    • If you walk away from this purchase, will you regret it later
    • Don’t eat it if you’re not hungry
    • Just worry about yourself
    • You must have done something good
    • Don’t mistake opinion for intelligence
    • Do what you want to do without announcing it to everyone around you
    • Stop gawking
    • You’re the luckiest man in the world
    • Leave it alone, it has nothing to do with you
    • Why in the hell did you just do that?
    • My back really hurts, but I’m alive
    • I wonder what would happen if I spoke to him right now . . . well that wasn’t so bad.
    • Stop caring about what he or she thinks, it doesn’t matter

    Come to think of it, I say things to myself out loud more often than I thought. Seems to be a good deal of monitoring and keeping myself in check — whatever works.

    What People Might Think

    Sometimes when we think we are doing something privately, we discover that we in fact are being seen (or heard) by others. The positive thing about earbuds and other devices is that people all around us these days appear to be having conversations with themselves; therefore, you’ll fit right in. The bottom line is, who cares what people think.

    Upcoming Travel

    Belgium (mostly Brussels) on Wednesday; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.

    I checked the weather for Brussels and the prediction is rain for a couple of the four days I will be there. Funny, but I get so much sunshine here in the Algarve, I welcome rain when I travel, the opposite of the way things were when I lived in New York and Maine. It’s interesting to note these changes in one’s life.

    I’m torn about a day trip to Luxembourg because it’s three hours in a bus each way. If you’ve been and you have an opinion, please share it. The photos of Luxembourg on line are amazing.

    Looking Back

    I rarely do this, but I booked a moderately expensive upscale hotel in Pornic (my last trip). I originally had a beautiful Airbnb on a canal, however, the owner cancelled six weeks prior — one of the risks of booking an Airbnb. I booked this particular hotel because I had a drink at the bar last year and I liked what saw. It had a hammam, a really nice gym, and rooms with balconies looking out over the canal and Pornic. I’m going to say it was about $75 per night than I usually spend. I slept really well between the quiet, the excellent pillows, the luxury cotton sheets and the knowledge that I had blown my budget on a fancy hotel — I just had to get my monies worth. Just gotta say, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

    As always, please forgive grammatical and typing errors, proofreading is tedious.

  • Call Me on My Shit

    Tell Me When I’m Wrong

    I’m using a photo of a child with angel wings because I cannot think of another example of complete innocence save for a child who has yet to master the art of cognitive reasoning. Anything this child does or might do in the immediate future is okay; he, she, they, cannot be blamed for anything based on the knowledge between right and wrong.

    I, on the other hand, am not innocent. I clearly know the difference between right and wrong; however, being human means making mistakes — sometimes after well thought out decisions and sometimes just silly mistakes based on no premise whatsoever.

    My point is this, if I cannot objectively know or recognize that I made a mistake, I want YOU to point it out to me. Ah, but here’s the rub: I want you to do it with kindness and thoughtfulness . . . when possible.

    An Example For Those Who Do Not Get My Meaning

    I’m sitting at a table having a delightful lunch with eight people and the dreaded Trump criminal charges come up. Without thinking, I assume everyone at the table shares my views and I am boldly vocal. It doesn’t take long to offend a forever Trumper at the table. Instead of having a private word with me the Trumper blocks me on all social media and snubs me at future social gatherings. Without letting me know that I offended said Trumper, how am I to apologize and alter my behavior?

    Unfortunate Reactions (I’ll make this more general. My personal reactions are all over the place).

    You should know that depending on the circumstances, the acceptance of your feedback may not be as smooth and easy as you might like. Having someone point something out you may not have been aware of, is not as palpable as one might like. So much of it depends on variables that might not have anything to do with the message. For example, four very difficult things happened that day and the weather sucks and you feel sick and your rent’s overdue . . . you get the drift. Someone you love and admire walks up to you and says, “There is something I need to share with you.” At that moment, when you are most vulnerable, you’re not thinking about how you might react to what is being shared, you’re thinking, “Oh shit, here it comes, this is all I need today.” That doesn’t make you a bad person, we’re only human. Remember that when you approach someone for a “conversation.”

    This is where the kindness and thoughtfulness request comes to play. Consider the state of mind of the receiver. Is now the best time? When is the best time?

    The other reaction might be complete denial: “I said that?, I did that?, I didn’t say that,” or all of the above. If you as the deliverer of the message, if you are certain of what occurred and you care about the receiver, don’t back down, remain resolute. Often, it’s just a matter of time and consideration before most sane individuals realize how wrong they were.

    Upcoming Travel

    Currently, a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium after a week at home; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.

    Candor: I have recently had some difficult conversations with good friends I care a great deal about. There were moments and things said I wish I could retract. There were occurrences I wish I could erase, but the reality is that I cannot change what has been said or done. What I can do is prove that I am worthy of trust and that takes time and effort. Growth and contrition are never bad things.

    Writing on a tablet is difficult. Please forgive all errors.