I love change and it feels like it’s time.

Hobbies & Such

Retirement is a mixed bag of same, same, same, and trying out new things. There is comfort in knowing what will come next: dining in or out with friends, Friday afternoon Mah Jongg, learning a second language, cooking and baking, a good book, and mornings at the gym. Then, there is the excitement of the unknown: travel, extreme weather, new hobbies, and who you might meet at a dinner party. The “finding a new hobby” goal has been elusive. I don’t consider my writing a hobby, it’s more of a passion and although I do write almost daily, it doesn’t take up enough time to fill-up the day.

Paco delightfully and easily filled my entire day; long walks, reading with him in my lap, and playtime all the time. However, with Paco gone, there are large chunks of time I haven’t been able to fill. I tried travelling more, but it hasn’t really worked; I’ve done it so much I find myself longing for my own bed and the simpler things. I’m not crafty at all. I can’t paint, I can’t draw, I can’t play an instrument, I can’t hike anymore (back, feet, knee, etc.), I’m no good at acting, dancing, golf, spelling and inventing things. Lord knows I’ve attempted all of these pastimes and more. Am I looking in the wrong places or have I hit on something worth my time and I didn’t see it. Part of the problem is that if I don’t do it really well by my own standards, I walk away.

If I consider my Portuguese language studies for example, I started hitting the books over nine years ago. It’s probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever tried to do. I’m nowhere near proficient, but unlike so many other things in my life, I stick with it. There are two major reasons for this: first, I think it’s the right thing to do. I live in Portugal full-time and I should know how to communicate in the native language. Second, I do see incremental improvement that has motivated me to continue. My tutor is incredibly supportive and encouraging. Gabi sees improvement where I don’t. I have this crazy idea (pipe dream) that I will one day wake and start speaking understandable Portuguese. Like something in my head will suddenly click and it will all come together: tenses, verbs, syntax, sentence structure, vocabulary, accents, capitalization, slang, and phrases. And just like that, the change I have been hoping for will occur. It’s not likely to happen this way. It will more than likely be very gradual. I will attempt longer sentences and casual conversation. I can already listen and catch the drift of what is being said. What I am sharing is simply that in this instance, probably because I want it badly, I am not giving up. Perhaps I have uncovered the problem. In other instances I walk away too quickly.

I have an intense passion for poker. I prefer to play for money whenever possible. It doesn’t have to be high states, I just like the excitement it adds to the game. I joined a regular cash poker game shortly after I moved to Portugal, but after a couple of years I had to pull out for reasons I prefer not to divulge here. I’ve tried to find another game, but it hasn’t been easy. I suppose it’s probably Portuguese gambling laws that prevent people from participating — although it is permitted in Portuguese casinos, that is not the level of playing I’m interested in. So I continue to search for players. I have some friends who like to play, but they’re not interested in a regular game. My neighbors have taught me how to play Portuguese poker with dice. We play for one euro a game. You can walk away with up to three euros depending on the number of players. Please do not report me to the authorities. There have been attempts at croquette, however . . .

There have been cases when extenuating circumstances thwarted my intentions. I played croquette for several years here in the Algarve and I truly enjoyed it. I was getting better and at times, I even scored higher than the best players, but the owner of the club left the club and it dissolved. I searched for another group that I would enjoy and it just hasn’t happened. I lost so much hope of a future game, I sold my beautiful Egyptian mallet — probably not the best move.

Why We Fear Change

My understanding is that people fear change because they fear the unknown. Humans seem to be much more comfortable with what they know. I guess this is why incumbent candidates usually have an edge (except this go round). I have always welcomed change. That is why I have moved so often, changed jobs and positions a lot when I was on my career path, relocated to a foreign country, changed partners when I was dating, changed my favorite cocktail; you get the picture. I get very excited about possibilities. I often think about my personality traits and wish I’d had different inclinations, but not when it comes to change. I have always been grateful for my attitude toward change.

Other Kinds of Change

My brother-in-law in North Carolina called yesterday and asked if I’d been hearing about the preparation for a major power outage in the U.S. It apparently has something to do with the power grid being either attacked or shut down for up to 90 days. People are being told to secure provisions in case of such an attack. I try not to get caught up in conspiracy theories or cyber rumors that have gone viral. However, it does feel as if something is about to happen that will shake things up for a while. The world seems stuck in some sort of impending catastrophe. Many are wondering where it’s headed. Election upsets, wild climate occurrences, economic meltdowns, shootings, large scale accidents killing hundreds and thousands, mass shootings, war, disease, and suicides. We know that all of these tragedies day after day are not sustainable. At some point we’re headed for a mass implosion. Humanity has not been doing a great job these days. Sure there are outliers, but on the whole, we’re fucked. I wrote this before the U.S. election results. I’m pleased with my fellow voters, but I don’t think this is a sure fire fix; we have a long, long way to go.

State-of-Mind

Pulling out my down comforter, shaking it out, and stuffing it into my duvet cover, is heaven for me. It means better cooler nights and better sleep. And when I sleep better, I morph into a more reasonable, less irritable person. I think we can all agree that that’s a better place to be.

I have a meditation retreat coming up next week. It will be a beautiful, quiet place, right here in the Algarve. With the U.S. election results in, I can go to the retreat with more positive thoughts. I’ve had to do some cleansing over the last two weeks to prepare for the retreat; it has not been easy (especially caffeine and alcohol).

Any and all hobby ideas are welcome. Please consider the person you are making the suggestions to.

“Today is life—the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto.” — Dale Carnegie