Being a lover of lists has its highs and lows. Write it down, get it done, check it off, and onto the next item. I’ve decided it’s great for my blog and helpful when grocery shopping, but for the big things in life, not-so-much. What tends to happen with me is the following: there is a big build up, I get super excited, I prepare down to the smallest detail, and then, unfortunately, I am underwhelmed. The anticipation was more satisfying than the actual event.
People are overusing the word “organic” these days, however, I’m going to use it because it best describes my latest thoughts on new experiences. Rather than keep a list of things I’d like to do before I die, I’m going to organically go with whatever moves me at the moment — I tend to be fairly boxed in, making this somewhat challenging. When I recently booked Egypt, Greece, Turkey and Tel Aviv for 2025 (one trip, land & sea), I wasn’t thinking about those destinations for travel at all; quite out of the blue, it occurred to me that I’d like to visit these places and I booked the trip. I think the absence of expectations will make travel more enjoyable. I’ve decided to hold off on the research until only weeks prior to the trip. This will help avoid disappointment in case it’s canceled and/or prevent too much pre-trip excitement. I’m thinking it could be canceled due to fighting and unrest in several of these places. If you think me mad, refrain from commenting.
This Too May Change
The freedom to allow myself to change my mind at any time is an important part of quieting my brain. No reason at all to get all caught up in sticking to a plan. To be certain, I’ve had a plan since I was five years old. I’m retired and single for crying out loud. As long as I can get a sitter for Paco, I am untethered and free to explore.
A First World Problem
If you’re thinking, “Poor Chris and his bucket list dilemma,” you are justified in your sarcasm. I am fully aware that there are others far worse off than I. In reality, this is the hand I was dealt and the life I have prepared myself to live. Many years of working hard and denying myself what others have indulged in. I can’t do much to change anyone else’s circumstances; therefore, I spend time contemplating my own life — there it is.
Do you have a bucket list? Do you refer to it? Do you think it’s ridiculous? What’s on your list? Do you share it with others?
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Future Travel
A couple of short local trips to Spain and parts of the Algarve coming up soon; an Iceland cruise by way of Northern Europe in May; Oslo, Norway with Paco for all of July (with visits from friends throughout the month); a much anticipated trip to the Puglia region of Italy in the spring of 2025. The United States sometime in 2025 is likely: Brooklyn, Florida, Portland, Maine, Maryland, and North Carolina. I can now fly direct from Faro to Newark, thanks to a new United route. I booked a Mediterranean cruise for October 2025 — it sails from Tel Aviv, so it’s a bit uncertain. It includes parts of Turkey and Egypt I have not yet explored.
State-of-Mind
Faro has new electric buses. These buses for some reason or another sound off whenever they are approaching or leaving a bus stop; an obnoxious beeping noise. There is a bus stop about 50 feet from my building. Sound carries up to the fifth floor; therefore, when my terrace doors are open, I can hear the electric buses coming and going. I am furious about this annoyance, because I see no reason for it. I cannot imagine it’s for the blind because there are eight to ten lines that operate at the same bus stop. More unnecessary noise pollution as far as I’m concerned. Ambulance . . . I get it, police cars . . . warranted, warning sirens . . . necessary; motorcycles, buses, souped-up cars, and loud teenagers . . . NO! I feel very old and grouchy sharing this — I like quiet.
Friends visiting from the States for Easter, happy days!
“Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that at this moment, all you have is all you need.”
I took this photo atop a volcanic island in Ha Long Bay, Vietnam. My thoughts while Jane and I enjoyed this magnificent view: this is why I travel . . . I can’t wait to go home . . . when do we eat?
This was going to be a blog outlining my impressions of Asia, but I’ve changed my mind. Not because I didn’t enjoy my trip or that Asia didn’t leave an impression, it most certainly did. However, aside from travel to Cuba a couple of years ago that nearly did me in, my travels to Dubai and four Asian countries took more out of me physically than I care to admit. This blog is about the benefits of staying home.
Before you castrate me for whining about travel to exotic places, allow me to acknowledge that what I have is a first world problem. I am fully aware that many people cannot afford to travel anywhere, let alone across the world. This moral dilemma is an internal personal struggle that I grapple with on a regular basis. Trust me, no amount of charitable donations rectifies the problem.
Why I Have Always Felt the Need to Travel
When I was a little boy, my father took a trip back to his birthplace in Puglia, Italy. I remember begging him to take me with him. Dad was a blue collar working man with eight other children; I wasn’t going anywhere. When he returned from Italy, he painted a picture I thought about for years and years. It was decades before I was able to visit Italy to see it for myself. That travel bug has been alive and well inside of me; forever causing conflict in my heart and mind. Yes, I want to travel and yes, I want to be home.
Why I Want to Be Home
I have become a spoiled brat in my old age. I like what I like; removing myself from my comfort zone is anxiety producing. Cramming this 6 ft., 200 lb. body into an economy seat is no picnic. Two hours is uncomfortable, however, tolerable. Four to twelve hours is nearly impossible. By the time I reach my destination, I am achy, irritable, and suffering from permanent physical damage. I cannot help but ask myself why I do it.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the body has a short memory. That feeling of being lost on the outskirts of Istanbul with no Wifi, the exhaustion of 24 hours without sleep and multiple delays, paying $18 for a bad sandwich at the airport, having one of the wheels of your new suitcase break-off on the first day of a three week trip, starting a cruise with no luggage, waiting on a 90 minute passport control line when your flight leaves in 45 minutes. I’m not jaded, these are all facts.
Weighing the Pros and Cons
Random thoughts: these days, many of the people I love and enjoy spending time with, live elsewhere. I love food from places other than where I live. I have a very difficult time being away from Paco for so long. I need change constantly. I may be addicted to Hotels.com.
“Returning to my dreams was like returning to home after a long time of being away – everything was exactly the same as you left it, except infinitely better.” ― Aishabella Sheikh, Entwined
Returning Home from Hong Kong a Few Days Ago
The reason for my collapse when I walked through my apartment door in Faro:
A twenty minute walk through massively crowded streets to the train that links Hong Kong Central to the airport. Soaked in sweat, searching for a ticket machine that did not take debit or credit cards. Six hours at the airport waiting for the first leg of a three legged flight. Waiting for zone F to board the plane. Sitting on an empty plane for two hours in Bangkok while staff disinfected the area around me. Muscles cramping in the air for another eight hours. Wait hours to make a connection in Dubai. Make your way to the gate in an airport shopping mall the size of Wisconsin. Throw down a $23 cocktail. Wait until they announce zone F. Board an eight hour flight to LIsbon. Wait for what seems like forever to leave the plane. Pray for a short line at passport control. Wait in line for the 14th time. Take a train to the bus station. Search your bag for the phone you are certain you left at the airport in Dubai. Find your phone and nearly shit your pants. A jet lagged search for your Flix bus in Lisbon. Be told you’re not on the bus driver’s list even though you have a digital ticket. Wait off to the side until he sorts it out. Sit on a packed bus next to sixteen people all on speaker phone simultaneously. Too much cologne on scruffy men, horrible music piped into static filled speakers, vile food odors everywhere, three babies crying in unison, pull over a bus filled with 43 people so one guy can pee, finally reach Faro 32 hours later. Having Paco greet me at my door and thinking, I am never leaving home again . . . until the next time.
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Future Travel
Lyon, France for Christmas, South Africa land & sea in February, and Oslo, Norway, July 2024. Finally, a visit to the Puglia region of Italy in the spring of 2025. The United States in 2025 is likely: Brooklyn, Portland, Maine, Maryland, North Carolina and perhaps the west coast. I’ve done the east coast by train and bus in the past; this may be the best way to travel more comfortably.
My Current State of Mind
The best thing about being away from home for a long period of time, is coming home. Seeing Paco, sleeping in my own bed, returning to a reasonable amount of eating and drinking; all equate to bliss. Too much of a good thing is just that. I want the comforts of my little nest, in my little city, and on my own terms.
“I regarded home as a place I left behind in order to come back to it afterward.” ― Ernest Hemingway
Blogging
I blog for two reasons: first, and most importantly, to share aspects of my life that help reveal who I am, where I think I may be going, and where I want to be (psychologically and emotionally). Secondly, I enjoy writing more than just about anything. It is an opportunity to express myself and purge the clatter in my head.
Complaining is one of my favorite pastimes, but you should know, I am happier than I have ever been. Thank you for joining me on this magnificent journey.
Revisited with updates. Done on my tablet, so it may be wonky.
Paco taking in the morning sun on the terraceA foggy morning
Early morning defined: the hours between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. (lately 4:30 a.m. even early by my standards).
I have been a morning person my entire life. My mom always reminded me that I would wake the entire household when I got out of bed. I don’t get out of bed at 5:15 a.m. because I have to; I wake-up early because I choose to. I haven’t used an alarm clock for 40 years (unless I have a 6:00 a.m. flight). Here are just ten reasons I love the early morning:
It may just be the quietest time of the day. Night owls have finally gone to bed.
You can watch the sun come up. For me the morning represents hope, change and a boat load of energy.
That first cup of coffee. I drank decaf for years; it’s never been about the caffeine.
It’s when my energy level is at its highest and I’ve tested this.
I feel like I own the world (sort of grandiose I know).
I feel like I can do just about anything.
I’m usually the first to get to wherever I’m going.
By the time I get to the gym — usually empty in the morning, I am fully awake.
No one calls me before Noon because of the time difference between Europe and the U.S.
“The early bird catches the worm!”
Knowing When You Are Most Productive
For the most part (there are exceptions), I wake up fully energized in the morning. I have a mental ‘to do’ list and I’m eager to start checking off the boxes. I know that by a certain point during the day, my energy level will begin to wane. I discovered my peak period during my freshman year in college. I was forced to register for a couple of 8:00 a.m. classes because they were the only classes with spots left by the time the juniors and seniors registered. Not sure how it’s done these days; back then Freshman got whatever scraps were left. Did not matter much to me, the courses I liked were not the popular choices (e.g., wellness, sociology, African-American studies).
I often found myself sitting in a nearly empty classroom. Most of the students who had enrolled, could not get their asses out of bed. I would arrive early, eager to learn — haters, stop hating. My instructors were often impressed with my attentive behavior and I was usually rewarded for it. My Pavlovian inclinations and ‘aim to please’ character traits were a recipe for success. You have to become aware of your assets; mine were always charm and being upbeat. I’m not ashamed to admit any of this. It was never about superior intelligence; lucky for me common sense and ambition were appreciated (and rewarded).
Throughout my college career, I continued to take morning classes, followed by library time and mental exercise (leisure reading, etc.). Whenever I started to get sluggish, usually after lunch, I would go to the gym to recharge my battery. Fortunately, I had a part-time job that required me to work early evenings. I was reliable and dependable and I sucked up to authority. Say what you will, but my debt was minimal and for the most part, I was allowed to study at work.
The Advantages of Getting There Before Anyone Else
Markets: Food markets usually get started early; often by 8:00 a.m. When you arrive early you get first pick of all the fresh food. Depending on how you get there, the earlier you arrive, the more parking there will be.
Government Offices: Being one of the first to arrive at a government office has several advantages. I usually take a good book and try to get there an hour before they open. Government staff are dealing with some crazy stuff and the later you get there, the more agitated they are — not always the case, however, in my experience . . .
Doctor’s Offices: Doctors get backed up. Sometimes appointments are scheduled every 15 minutes. If the first person takes 30 minutes, everything gets thrown-off and it only gets worse as the day goes by. I always ask for the first appointment if I can get it. Even if it means I have to delay seeing the doctor for a few days, it’s usually worth it.
Early Flights and Tourist Destinations: Earlier flights have a better on-time record. As the day goes on delays can pile up and cause travel nightmares. If you’re going to a tourist destination, people with small children usually arrive a lot later because kids take some time to get ready in the morning. Get there early and you’ll surely have a more peaceful experience. I love kids. Did I tell you that I love kids?
The Road: Getting on the road early will save you lots of time and aggravation. I think traffic is on my top three list of things I hate most. I have always done everything I could possibly do to avoid it.
Bakery: Baked goods right out of the oven are worth getting up early for . . . enough said.
Early Morning Sex: You have more energy and you can see your partner in natural light. Don’t laugh; it’s true. A distant memory I’m afraid.
You May Have to Put Your Phone On ‘Do Not Disturb’
Most of my friends and family know that I’m in bed by 9:00 p.m. — at times, much to their dismay. But because they’re human, they forget, and I occasionally get a text or telephone call that gets me out of bed. On nights when I need a solid seven hours, I put my phone on ‘do not disturb.’ There is a small part of me that feels guilty about this, however, there isn’t enough guilt to stop me from doing it. I do this every night now.
Disadvantages
When there is an upside, you can be certain that there will be a downside. The following are several issues related to being an early riser:
Most of the people in my life (nearly all in fact) are not morning people. You know who you are. You like to stay up late watching television/Netflix or reading or being out on the town or passing the hours waiting to be sleepy enough to hit the sack. There was a time in my life when saying goodnight to these folks was embarrassing for me. I would sheepishly walk toward the bedroom and feel guilty for calling it a night. That’s a thing of the past; however, I do sometimes go to bed and miss a really good conversation and/or a bit of juicy gossip. The wine flows and the guard comes down and I’m already two hours into la la land.
There are genuinely times when I would like to go out dancing. Most dance clubs don’t get going until way past midnight. Staying up that late is very difficult for me. I force myself to do it occasionally because I believe being a social animal is important for my relationships and potential dating life. It’s way too easy to crawl under a comfy blanket. Especially after discovering Portuguese cotton; life changing, trust me. A disco nap (you may not know the term if you’re less than 40). The night out dancing is also a distant memory.
People do get annoyed with you when you say you’d like to have dinner by 7:00 p.m. The problem with retiring early, is that if you eat too late, the food just sits in your stomach and can be disruptive to sleep. Again, most of my friends put up with me. I like giving dinner parties; this way I get to decide when dinner is served.
Speaking of dinner parties . . . I am so glad that I do not live in Japan. In Japan, if you host dinner guests, you cannot call it a night while said guests are enjoying your hospitality. When your guests decide to go home, then and only then, can you say goodnight. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked my guests to leave my apartment. In fact, when I host guests overnight, I almost always go to bed long before they do.
When I am an overnight guest in someone’s home, I do not hesitate to ask them to grind their coffee beans and set up their coffee maker before they go to bed. Conversely, when I have guests, I grind my beans the night before so that I do not wake them at 5:00 a.m. — it’s the little things that differentiate one from other hosts; good hospitality means letting your guests sleep-in.
No matter what time I go to bed, I usually wake up at the same time every morning. It’s not a good thing, but I’ve learned that there isn’t much I can do about it.
It’s not good for dating.
If you like award shows, you’re screwed.
You’re not a morning person, but you’d like to be? I know people who have successfully made the change. For the rest of you, stay who are and keep the morning quiet for me.
FutureTravel
It’s a ways off, Basel, Switzerland in September. Big Asia trip September/October — five countries in three weeks; land and sea. South Africa February 2024 and back to Oslo next July. Travel light diet these days; not baggage, time away.
Current State of Mind
I am currently in Oban, Scotland. It’s been a truly wonderful trip (home tomorrow). Spent time with friends, enjoyed nature, saw lots of castles, ate well (when do I not eat well). It’s been a time of reflection and peace of mind. I’ve realized who my true friends are and what is important now. The essence of life is gratitude and enjoying the moment, for all that I have, I am grateful.
A friend sent me this photo recently. I don’t recall which friend or where he, she or they took it. I tried to add a photo of my current view, but alas, it won’t work, so you’ll have to settle for this. The sender will come to me at 2:00 a.m. (for sure).
To be clear, none of these dudes are my exes; nor do I personally know any of them. They are merely alone in the photograph, so I used these stock pics here. I also think they are all quite handsome.
“Just because I’m single, It doesn’t mean I’m alone. I have food and internet.”
— anonymous
I would add books and a pet.
I’m not intentionally trying to seem smug and superior about my single status. There is a stigma attached to being single and I’m merely attempting to show it can be a desirable choice.
Why This Topic
There is a lot to be said for being in a loving relationship. For the purpose of this blog, I will not be stating the many known positives. Instead, I will focus on the positives of the single life. Why go there you ask? The answer is simple: I need for all of my partnered friends and family members to know why I have chosen to be single and further, why I want them to leave me be — I’m being nice.
Always the question, “Why aren’t you with anyone?”
A Bit of History
I was born single. I stayed that way for years. I was introduced to a beautiful woman who was pure and good and I loved her. We married and divorced. Divorced because I finally admitted to myself and others that I was gay. I was gay and broken and my relationships with men went sideways at every turn.
After years of trying to make it work with men, it dawned on me that I had to fix what was broken. That is where I am today. I am working on loving the one person who will be with me until I die; me myself and I. It’s not a sad story. In fact, it is a happy story, because some never figure out that there is a path to figuring it out. Some suffer in silence until they suffer no more . . . until they cease to exist.
“I don’t like to be labeled as lonely just because I am alone.” – Delta Burke
Never Lonely
I travel alone, eat alone, go to the movies and theater alone, walk alone, play games alone, but I am never lonely. In order to be lonely, you’d have to either dislike yourself or not have enough interests — neither applies to me.
I can amuse myself with so many different things, if anything, I wish I had more alone time.
The Best Part of Single Life
I finally get to do a list — lists make me happy.
Freedom
My own big bed (I can sleep in the middle)
No arguments with angry partners
No second guessing whether there is love, or if the love is real, or if the love will last
I can have a second piece of cake without being chided for it
Lots of quiet time
An introvert (me) gets to be an introvert
You get to be selfish without the guilt
Spontaneous decisions
More time for me, me, me
I never have to sit in the middle seat on an airplane to please my partner
People invite you for dinner at their home more often, because feeding one is easier than feeding two. Mere speculation.
More closet space
I always get to pick where I travel and when I travel
If you have a life partner, disregard the aforementioned.
The Art of Living Life Without Expectations
The absence of expectations would be a false narrative; there will always be expectations. In this case the expectations are of me and from me, not from another. Yes, others have expectations of me, but in this case I am referring to expectations related to the making or spending of money, achievements, how I spend time, when I wake up in the morning and when I go to bed.
“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone.” – Robin Williams
A Quick Story
My mother could not stand to be alone. She ended one relationship and started another on the very same day. Seeing herself objectively was not possible and highly improbable. She met a man (not my father), who, like her, could not be alone. They lived in misery tethered to one another for over forty years. The two died only months apart. They might well have loved one another, but it was not a healthy, happy love, theirs was a desperate, codependent love. I learned a great deal bearing witness to their lives; I learned that being alone could be joyous and joyful and that I never wanted to be tethered to anyone. This doesn’t mean I’m ruling out a life partnership.
Upcoming Travel
Next week, a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium a few weeks later; on to Marseilles in June, then Oban, Scotland in July, and finally starting in October, a long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia. South Africa for the first time in late January 2024.
Being single allows me to plan and execute without having to check with anyone save my dog sitter.
Disclaimer
Sometimes I purposefully choose to revisit a topic without looking at what I’ve written in the past. Circumstances change, I change, the world changes.
I have no doubt some of the other immigrants in my circle of friends and acquaintances, will read this blog and disagree with some of my thoughts and observations. Please keep in mind that this is my experience, not yours.
The Best of Relocation
The weather — I could not have asked for better weather than what I have experienced in the Algarve. We have four seasons, but they are mild compared to what I experienced in the States. Fall is cool, with some (not a lot) of rain and a bit of humidity; winter is a bit colder, however, never below 45◦ (F) after sunset and often above 60 degrees during the day — some rain, but never enough for me; spring is glorious, with an abundance of sunshine, a cool breeze and great sleeping weather; and lastly, summer is dry and hot, with temperatures often above 90◦. I don’t like July and early August; extreme temperatures make me uncomfortable. I also miss thunderstorms, we have very few of those here.
The Southern Portugal way of life — there are certain things that Europeans do that make a lot of sense. The pace of living is slower and less motivated by packing as much into a 24 hour period as possible. Life is more leisurely and less stressful. Lunch is the biggest meal of the day and more time is spent eating it. The abundance of sunshine sends people outdoors. The Portuguese are pleasant, but private. Children are free to play in yards and parks; their laughter fills the air (I live a block away from a large nursery school).
Food — the freshness of most foods is one of the first things about Portugal I noticed and embraced. Portuguese people practiced the “buy local” concept long before it became trendy in the States. The seafood is amazing, and although there is some farm raised fish, most of it is done in natural waters and well regulated for sustainability.
Healthcare — Aging is not pretty, therefore, I’ve needed several specialists over the last five years. I have not been disappointed. My visa comes with a private healthcare mandate and I happily comply. I’m paying 1400 euros a year — a co-pay of 35 euros for a visit to a specialist, whom I can usually see anywhere from the same day to two weeks. I’m impressed that surgery has not been the go-to answer to any issue. If I did end up needing surgery, the out-of-pocket expense would be reasonable. Actually, I did need some skin cancer surgery which cost me 80 euros. Medicines are inexpensive and most are over-the-counter. The only pill I currently have to take is a prostate pill and it’s over-the-counter for 4 euros and change a month.
Dental care is also excellent. I needed an implant a couple of years ago; all-in 1100 euros. I had an implant done in the U.S. for $4,000.
OpenSpace — Simply put, most of southern Portugal is spread out and well planned. There is a bit of traffic during the summer months, but it is light in comparison with most of the U.S.
English Speakers — Although I am struggling to learn Portuguese (it gets better everyday), I am grateful that so many people here speak English. I was at an auto body shop on Thursday and I typed my question into Google translator, showed it to the receptionist who then replied, “Would you like to speak in English?” We both laughed.
I love my gym and for 250 euros a year I can visit the gym up to six days a week from 6:30 a.m. to whenever they close — I have no idea when they close because I always go early.
The Challenges
Smoking and Men’s Cologne — These two things make me crazy. There are way too many smokers here, often making outdoor dining unpleasant. Young men bathed in cheap cologne is a sad realty I will never understand. I want to yell and scream, but I learned that my opinion is not the popular opinion and so I suffer in silence. My friends who spoke would never light-up during a meal.
The Roundabouts — I have two minds about roundabouts. I know that they make driving easier; however, many people have no idea how to drive in them, making them dangerous and scary. I have some thoughts on who the worst drivers are in Portugal, but I’m going to keep this bit to myself.
Taxes — I received a take break for my first ten years in Portugal; an incentive by the Portuguese government for relocation. This being a social democracy with a very different tax structure, I do not know what my tax liability will be after 10 years. I know that I will not be taxed on the taxes I have already paid; however, some taxes are higher and I will be taxed on income the U.S. will not tax me on. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. To be honest, I’m happy to contribute to a system that takes care of its own citizens. I do not see people living on the streets in Faro and there are very few beggars.
Little Humidity Most of the Year — I’ve been forcing myself to drink water my entire life. Summers here are hot and dry and unfortunately, I have allowed myself to become dehydrated several times. This will become more dangerous as I get older. I’m going to have to start setting a calendar reminder in order to hydrate. I’d rather be where humidity is low.
What I Might Have Done Differently
Rent first — I love my apartment, but only after a bit of anxiety and trial by fire. It would have been smarter for me to rent for a year and view many different properties. I recommend that you review your buildings financials prior to purchasing.
Language — I started a Portuguese language course as soon as I knew that I was moving overseas, but I knew very little Portuguese when I moved here. Take a language course just as soon as you know you are moving to a non-English speaking country. Memrise is inexpensive and easy to follow.
Transportation — I went without a car for five years in order to do my part in saving the planet. After experiencing numerous train strikes and unreliable bus schedules, I purchased a car. Life is easier with a car, even when you live in the center of a city. Travel outside of your city requires you to have a vehicle.
Dollars to euros — if you don’t mind checking the value of the dollar frequently, there are times you can get a decent exchange rate. I haven’t been very good at making transfers when the dollar was stronger than it is right now (it’s still better than when I purchased my condo six years ago). Last year there were a couple of days when the dollar was actually stronger than the euro.
What’s Next
I will continue to travel for as long as I can. Travel has been one of the best things about retirement. I am much closer to many of my favorite places and there are several competing budget airlines that help make it affordable.
I am struggling not to overplan and to allow life to be more organic. An almost impossible goal for me.
Trying not to pay too much attention to U.S. news. I’m finding the media’s portrayal of life in the States to be difficult to take in at times. I think I might have a healthier state of mind if I detach a bit more.
I am developing a “go with how you feel, when you feel it” attitude. If I’m itching for some travel, I book a trip. I believe that if I’m suddenly motivated to move to another country, I will just do it. Once you’ve done it successfully, you know in your heart that you can do it again.
Spending more time at home with Paco has been my best plan of action over the past few years. There is a 10 acre park across the street from my apartment that was just recently beautifully renovated. I’m enjoying spending time there with Paco and I know he’s enjoying it as well.
The friends I have made here make living in Portugal one of the greatest experiences of my life.
This overview is not all inclusive. There are the feelings of others to be saved, challenges I have not met, and issues that are more my problem than anyone else’s.
Future Travel
I’m spending a few days in Ayamonte, Spain this week. It’s only an hour from Faro by car and has a lot to offer. After that a return Nantes and Pornic, France, then Belgium; on to Marseilles, then Oban, Scotland, and finally a 2023 long awaited trip to Dubai and Asia.
Will I stay put in Faro or will I relocate once again?
I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE . . . for now.
Here I am celebrating my birthday in Liverpool last week. This is a Swedish drag queen who was on season one of RuPaul’s Swedish Drag Race. I’d share her name if I knew it. I could go to a drag show in Liverpool at 2:00 p.m.; if I wanted to go to a drag show in Faro, I’d have to be awake at 1:00 a.m. and that’s not happening.
Once again, please forgive spelling and grammatical errors.
I have a confession to make. I’m not proud of it. I wish I hadn’t done it, but it was over 50 years ago and it’s time to let it go. There were eleven children from two different wombs in my family; that’s a story for another day. I was born to please. I learned early on that if I did the “right” thing, I would get the food that I wanted and liked. If I played my cards right, I could count on privileges my siblings were unaware of, and further, it was not my place to tell them. At the ripe old age of 12, I volunteered to do the weekly grocery shopping. With a family as large as mine, door-to-door delivery was necessary and fortunately for us, free. My neighborhood grocery store knew my family; I’m certain they were grateful we were catholic (usually an absence of birth control) and big eaters. You may be thinking that I was a good kid to relieve my mother of this cumbersome chore, but alas, I had an ulterior motive. Each week I would purchase cake and sweets which I did not send home with the delivery boy (always boys — I later became one myself). I coveted these ill-gotten goods and devoured them on the way home. This would explain my pudgy teenage physique. What I couldn’t eat I hid for later consumption. I committed this heinous crime for quite some time; my parish priest was never told at confessional (also for a later blog). Finally, a combination of guilt and excess pounds forced me to give up my criminal behavior. Lighten up, I’m no George Santos.
I’m afraid this was not my only crime. As the eldest son of divorced parents, I was charged with the task of taking the Brooklyn N train to Coney Island. I would meet my father at Carolina Restaurant for family meal (when restaurant staff sit down to eat before service); we spent ten quick minutes eating peasant Italian food and sharing not-so-pleasant stories about my mother and stepfather. Toward the end of our weekly ritual, I’d stick out my hand for the cash I made the trip to secure. Collecting and doling out our weekly allowance was solely my responsibility. I did not take this task lightly, in fact, I saw this as a huge burden. A burden deserving of compensation. Confession #2, I paid myself a salary for my hard work getting each of them their cash on time each every Tuesday, and me, worse for the wear. My earned bonus went toward the purchase of Coney Island confections at the sweets counter under The El: taffy, chocolate covered peanuts, huge colorful jawbreakers, and jellies. I had 20 minutes on the train home to hide the evidence in my belly.
I’m ashamed of these deceptions; however, they mark the beginning of my fascination with all things culinary. My desire to have all kinds of foods led me to a lifelong struggle with guilt, weight loss, and the avoidance of food related lies. It feels good to report that most of these issues are under control. Although this is my first time publicly admitting my egregious wrongdoings, I have come to terms with my past and I forgiven myself. After all, we were dirt poor and my entrepreneurial spirit just needed channeling in a more positive direction. It it my hope that my siblings do not read this blog (I’m certain they won’t actually). I’m positive several of them would hold me accountable and might even go so far as to seek retribution — I imagine years of skimming off the top of their allowance, added up. My parents are long gone; they probably would have laughed about it and patted me on the back–afterall, it was their DNA that got me into that mess in the first place.
“I know once people get connected to real food, they never change back.”
– Alice Waters
Fast forward to college and beyond. As a college student, my school loans went toward buying food and eating out. I borrowed books and used the reference section of the library in order to spend less money on books for school and more money on good food. My father cooking was sublime; his knowledge of food extensive, and so, he consequently, spoiled me for life. I can’t be happy with MacDonald’s or canned beans. Like most incurable illnesses, I cannot be blamed for this affliction. Food has taken me to places I never imagined I would go. Dinners with Julia Child, business trips with Jacques Pépin, curriculum meetings with José Andrés, a lifelong friendship with the former editor of Bon Appetit, Barbara Fairchild, who is one special human. I realize it all started from a series of lies, but they were miniscule lies in the scheme of things. I have fond memories of discussions with Anthony Bourdain, although I never ate his food. My friendship with André Soltner will always be cherished (owner of Lutece in NYC). And 16 years at The French Culinary Institute was the single greatest gift of my life; the marriage of education and incredible foods doesn’t get any better. And as an added bonus, I met a few people there who have become lifelong friends. Not just foodie friends, they’d take a bullet for me friends.
“My weaknesses have always been food and men – in that order.”
– Dolly Parton
The FCI, eating at the #1 restaurant Francescana, cooking without recipes
Why I love Food
My father gets 100% credit for my love of good food. In addition to being a fabulous cook, he also loved food from all around the world. On his day off from work, he often took us to restaurants in our very diverse neighborhood. But I do have a story to share:
I was visiting him in Florida after he retired there. I told him I was taking him out for Chinese food; however under one condition: I would be ordering the food for us (I was a precocious twenty year old). He insisted on knowing why. I was quite frustrated with his resistance; he always ordered the same three dishes and I wanted him to try some Chinese food he’s never eaten. After a couple of hours of telling me I was ridiculous and stubborn, he gave up the fight. I ordered five or six exotic Chinese dishes: shark fin soup, abalone in garlic sauce, fried mashi; to name a few; I ordered a lot.
My dad was open minded, but he liked what he liked and he did not like dinner that night. He didn’t complain during the meal; however, after I paid the check he said, “From now on I’ll pay for my own meal and order whatever the hell I want.” He was right of course; I was an SOB.
It’s a Blessing and a Curse Have you ever gone into a restaurant and found a dish so sublime you couldn’t get it out of your head? Two weeks later you return to said restaurant only to find out the chef left or he’s away for a few weeks or they’ve taken the dish off the menu and they’re not sure if it will ever return or the purveyor no longer carries that cut of beef or it just doesn’t taste the same and you don’t know why? This is the story of my life. Whenever any of the aforementioned happens, I am devastated and ruined for the day.
On the flip side, there are foods and dishes that I love that will never go away for the following reasons:
I cook them.
Many food brands have been around for 100 years.
Brooklyn and all of it’s wonderful ethnic restaurants is here to stay.
It comes from the ocean.
People would revolt if pizza and/or hamburgers went away.
They’ve been around for many centuries (e.g., nuts, rice, vegetables, bread, pasta).
Salt & pepper will be here long after we’re gone.
Fine dining is nice on occasion. I ate at high end, expensive, popular, talented chef restaurants, for so long it became tedious; if I’m going to be honest, I prefer either my own cooking or a neighborhood restaurant with good food. I can’t do super rich anymore; my digestive system just can’t handle it. I’d rather have a nice meal at a good price and take home the leftovers. When I really want to eat well: fresh, simple, and delicious . . . I cook. Cooking is my Zen place.
Then there is the wine — I’ll leave it at that.
Future Travel
Fort Lauderdale (Deerfield Beach) in two weeks, then Nantes and Pornic, France, Liverpool, England, and Marseilles, France — Nantes and Pornic are happening on the same trip, over a four day period. Other holidays planned later in the year. Biggest trip of 2023 will be Dubai, Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, and Hong Kong — end of October to mid-November. This will be an adventure of a lifetime that has been postponed three times due to COVID.
Co-coaching
I am over two months into a co-coaching experiment I will write about soon. There are two things I want to tease you with:
We sometimes limit ourselves in what is possible due to financial situations. This is unfortunate; I’ve learned there are many constructive things you can do with your life that cost nothing or next to nothing.
Doing a deep dive into what emotionally and psychologically ails you is not easy, but it can be the most rewarding thing you will ever do.
I commissioned Lori Owens Kostiuk, a very talented artist friend, to do a watercolor portrait of Paco. She truly captured the essence of Paco in his Sweet Pea harness. Thank you Lori. If you’re interested in a portrait of your pet, private message me for her details or find her on FB, LOK Studio 6.
“I cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.”
– W.C. Fields
This was a fun blog to write. Thank you for reading.
If you love cruising, some of what I have to say may disturb you.
How it All Started
I booked this Norwegian Cruise Line (NCL) cruise about a year prior to the pandemic and it finally left port on October 5. I have heard great things about NCL and I was excited about seeing parts of northern Europe I had never explored (Belfast, Cork, Invergordon, and Kirkwall). Knowing how travel is these days, I decided to arrive in Amsterdam (our starting point) a day early in order to ensure being at the port for the start of the cruise; I also have a good friend in Amsterdam that I was hoping to visit. I had a voucher for British Airways due to a canceled flight during the pandemic and I thought I’d make good use of it. I had a 90 minute connection at London’s Gatwick, but I thought there would be no reason to rush to Amsterdam.
Taking your luggage on board with you is always the way to go, however, this was a two week trip and I wasn’t up for cleaning my underwear daily; besides I needed some nicer cruisewear. I used a larger suitcase making carryon impossible (although I have to say I did spy some pretty large bags carried on board). I’m not exactly sure why, but I had 100% confidence that my luggage would arrive with me in Amsterdam. Ha.
I’m on antibiotics because of a prostate infection and the meds were in my suitcase (dumb, dumb, dumb – never again). I will spare you the details of my lost luggage, but I will share this: unless you advocate for yourself and be firm with the third party lost luggage company, you will never see your luggage in time for your adventure. I am certain that if I had not asked for details about when and where my bag would arrive at the airport, I would have waited days longer to receive it. As it was, the day after my Amsterdam arrival I went to the airport to wait for my bag to come out of the luggage carousel. The flight my bag was on was early and my bag was the first one on the belt, with a large “rush” tag on it. I screamed so loudly airport security gave me a cautious glance. I kept my happy dance for the rest room. British Airways will be receiving a not-so-pleasant letter from me.
I made my way to the cruise embarkment building anticipating an easy check in (I was three hours late due to my necessary airport run). By the way, I didn’t mention my hotel situation on purpose. Whether I had stayed at the Ritz Carlton for a Hostel, I would not have slept five minutes. I was so anxious about my lost luggage that I had decided if it didn’t arrive on cruise day, I would head back to Faro and just accept the loss. Sleep deprivation takes your mind to awful places; I was worried about Paco, the world economy, and my prostate. Nothing good comes from a sleepless night. But as reported, I had my luggage and I was ready to check-in.
I walked into the port hall and there were no less than 1000 passengers on several lines waiting to check in. I walked up to a staff member and asked where to go for priority check-in. I had paid (or thought I’d paid) an additional $250 in order to be at the front of the line for the beginning and end of the cruise. It once took three hours to disembark a ship and I vowed never to put myself through that again. This very pleasant staff member told me that there was no priority check in and I’d have to wait with the rest of the passengers. I smiled and walked away. The next staff member I approached apologized and walked me over to a priority line. Again, persistence paid off. I had my cabin key in 20 minutes. No doubt some of the people in that hall waited several hours. I was thinking that the $250 I paid for priority check in was the best money I’d ever spent.
I settled into my oceanview cabin. I didn’t pay the hundreds extra for a balcony knowing northern Europe would be chilly in October and I wouldn’t be lounging on my balcony. I want to see the ocean; having a glass barrier is fine by me. I was very pleased with my cabin location – it is essential that when you book you find out where the bars, party rooms, and casino are located, you do not want your cabin to be above or below any of these places. My room was nicely situated close to a couple of nice restaurants and guest services. I decided to tour the ship and get my bearings and basically wear myself out before a much needed nap.
On my tour of the ship I stopped by guest services to ask a few questions regarding the details of the cruise. It was there that I learned that when I pre-registered I had not completed the priority check in payment and therefore, I was never signed up for it or charged. So just minutes before, I dodged a multi-hour process just by saying that I had priority check in. I felt bad, but a nap and some time would take care of my guilty conscience.
Gratitude
I’m not terribly fond of luxury travel. Perhaps it was having been raised in Coney Island, a poor section of Brooklyn or maybe it’s having empathy for those will never enjoy it. When I have staff servicing my basic needs several times a day, I find it uncomfortable. I prefer doing most things myself. The way I deal with the discomfort is to spend some time meditating; considering my good fortune and ways of giving back. It helps me to be more in the moment and to just enjoy myself. I must admit, it took a few days to settle into this temporary lifestyle.
The Third Night
It often takes a while, but when I allow it, my body will finally submit to most situations. On the third night of the cruise I was finished with eating, listening to a live band play some very smooth jazz, and sipping martinis. It was about 9:30 p.m. and I thought I’d read in my quiet cabin. I noticed Gerry (my stewart) has provided turn down service; the lights were dim and the curtains were drawn closed. I flossed, brushed, moisturized, and thought about how delightful the day had been on board this conflicted ocean liner – conflicted because of the various juxtapositioned spaces, although close together, clearly designed by different designers. One space modern with bold bright lights, while another wood paneled and soft. Still further aft, a series of too bright shops that could be in any mall is South Dakota. I don’t mind it really; however, the brain does begin to question why. Coming out of a bewildered trance, I turned out my cabin lights and drew open the curtains. The sea was white capped and crashing against the bow of the ship. Outdoor beams highlighted the shores of the English Channel and the rocking of the ship was akin to a mother gently pushing the side of a newborn’s cradle. I propped myself up against my window and took it all in, reminding myself to breathe and smile. This is why I happily grouse and pay the price of admission. This I could get used to.
Piss & Moan
I can’t ever share my experiences with you without complaining about something, so here goes. I’ll try my best to keep the soap box stuff to a minimum.
As you know, the pandemic changed travel forever. I can picture the NCL top management sitting around a big, expensive, boardroom table with good coffee and danish. The big boss starts the meeting by stating how much the company lost over the last two years. No doubt NCL alone had over a billion dollars in losses. The question of the day: How do we recover those losses? It will be all about how they survived on loans and keeping their lenders at bay. How creative they were with luring people to future travel by offering big deals and refundable deposits.
How the minions suffered with small furlough payouts or minimal unemployment, will not be mentioned at this said meeting. The theme is how much better off we will be in spite of a small hiccup. They may even mention how many of the smaller cruised companies were squeezed out of the market, creating even greater future earnings. Nothing new, this is corporate culture.
Not having cruised for sometime, I can easily see where they are recovering big profits:
They keep the actual cruise cost at pre-pandemic prices and make everything an add-on cost (dominal fees).
What is included in your initial cruise price is considered “complimentary;” not sure it’s complimentary if you’ve paid for it. The airlines are notorious for doing the same thing. On a recent flight I asked if lunch would be served. The flight attendant said, “Sir, we will be offering a complimentary snack (a teenie package of pretzels) and water. If you go to our website (you’ll need to sign-up for on-board wifi, extra cost) you will find a bistro menu with pricing. Let me know if you need anything.” “Oh, and we do not accept cash.”
The cruise served something akin to bitter mud and called it coffee or you could visit the Java Café and get an American coffee for $3.00 or a latté for a nominal $3.95. The lines for coffee all day were impressive. Our addiction to caffeine has created massive revenue opportunities. On the fifth day I learned that I could use my $75 on-board credit for coffee; I joined the java line that day and everyday after. I also learned to add hot water to the mud they served to counter the bitterness.
I think specialty dining has been around for quite some time, but now you can be treated to a “special” Italian or Japanese dinner with some additional costs. They will add 20% gratuity to the entire bill. If you already paid a 20% gratuity for the entire staff of the ship (which I did), you now need to add this gratuity to your totals. Since you’re eating a “special” dinner, you won’t want to drink that swill included in your $380 beverage package, you’ll want to order a special bottle of wine – only marked up 600% for your total enjoyment.
We’ll be happy to wash your dirty clothes for a nominal . . . whatever they decide people will pay. Just buy new underwear at every port, it will be cheaper.
Jump in front of the line for a mere $250.
Let us take you on a one-of-a-kind excursion for four hours at a mere $189 (food and beverage not included).
Do you need transportation to and from? We offer that too. A thirty minute ride to the airport for $75 per person – not per vehicle, per person.
We know you’re all addicted to your phones; therefore, allow us to profit from your addiction. You can have wifi for the entirety of your cruise for only $220 or $29 a day; a bargain no. *Please note, wifi will be stronger in large public areas . . . if and when you’re able to connect. My cell worked in all of the EU ports — another Portugal bonus.
Remember when you could swim in an indoor pool and use the jacuzzi without paying extra? Now you can enjoy our indoor thermal spa for only $249 for the entire length of your cruise. Extra benefit: it will never be crowded because working class people will not be using these services. We do have a “complimentary” outdoor jacuzzi if you dare to try and use it. Two hundred and eighty pound Joe got in at 11:00 a.m. and still hasn’t left at 4:00 p.m. Our waitstaff will deliver your beverages at no extra charge.
Do you also remember when the fitness center on board held classes every morning? I recall it was often just me and the yoga instructor or abs trainer. No worries, they still hold classes; however now, there is that annoying nominal fee.
Please don’t worry that your favorite cruise company will go away, they have obviously found many ways to recover their losses and then some. Cynical? No, just sharing facts. The cost of each of the extras may not be completely accurate, as the amounts were from memory. You can be certain that I mostly understated the costs. At the end of the day, I spent over $300 onboard; actually not-so-bad for 10 days.
Reminds me of what the Port Authority of New York said when they built the Verrazano Bridge: “When the cost of building the bridge is recovered, we will remove all tolls from the bridge.” It’s been more than sixty years and the cost of crossing over to Staten Island has increased to a nominal $22 a trip, but hey, you only pay one way and they maintain the bridge so that it will never collapse.
The cruise companies will no doubt recover their losses and profits will continue to soar. Don’t forget billionaires did really well during the pandemic, most increasing their wealth tenfold. How did you fair? Perhaps the billionaires could have paid for the vaccine and contributed to unemployment payouts? Not on your life.
Yes, I have stood on my soap box for far too long; my apologies.
Prologue: After writing this bit I was enjoying a delicious filet mignon dinner with Oren (met him in Dover on my walk to the castle – very impressive castle by the way). I mentioned my blog and that I had just been ranting about all the little extras on board. He replied, ”You know, I added up what a comparable hotel would cost, a nice lunch and dinner out, entertainment and drinks and I realized the cost of this cruise is actually a really good deal.” It made me feel better about all of the nickle and diming happening on the ship; I think Oren is right, it’s a pretty decent deal. Still, I’ll be staying away from the top shelf scotch and the Cuban cigars, thank you very much.
The Best Things about a Cruise
Being surrounded by the open sea. There are few things more humbling than the vastness of the ocean. When you see nothing but water (similar to looking up at thousands of stars), it is a reminder of how tiny you are compared to the size of the earth and the universe. Best not to try to take up more space than the universe provided.
I loved walking back to my cabin after a night out on the ship. I could sit in a lounge with a cognac enjoying live music and decide that it is time for bed and be brushing my teeth five minutes later.
I enjoyed turn down service. If you’ve ever had it, you’ll understand.
I could read in a different quiet spot on the ship every day.
You could look at the menu and decide to try three appetizers and two entrees.
If you are friendly (not always easy), you can meet interesting people from all over the world.
Several different opportunities to submerge yourself in water.
I managed to get lost almost every time I left my room and it didn’t bother me.
There are times when you get to see the best of humankind, usually it’s the staff.
Being an early to bed, early to rise person has its advantages: mornings on the ship were very quiet, including the dining room at breakfast.
A wine and chocolate tasting was very well done. I learned a lot and the five wines they paired were excellent. The nominal fee was actually quite reasonable.
I’m not sure if it was the rocking of the ship, the cozy cabins, being away from day-to-day problems, etc., but I did sleep well on the cruise.
When everyone went on shore and I decided to remain on the ship, it was heaven.
The Ugly Bits
You will witness entitled passengers being rude to the cruise staff.
All of the nominal charges and super inflated prices on board.
Loudspeaker announcements.
Some of the food served was downright bad. I had pancakes that I was certain were pre-cooked and microwaved.
Loud passengers who will do anything to be noticed.
Cueing up sucks.
I couldn’t help but wonder how much longer this type of overindulgence will last in our society.
People talking politics in the hot tub.
Individuals who, for whatever reason, feel the need to share their stories without being asked to do so.
Embarkment terminals are depressing – they can be very large and empty.
Closed spaces (much like airplanes) can mean suffocation by unpleasant human odors – you know what I mean.
I don’t love group tours. Waiting around for things to get started is frustrating for me.
A Wonderful Surprise
Two Scottish ports were canceled due to rough weather. Instead we sailed into Dover, England and I got to see the white cliffs of Dover; truly majestic. I can look forward to Scotland at another time, perhaps at a better time.
Summation
I know I didn’t write very much about the ports of call. I did get off the ship in Dover. I met a new friend outside the ship and we walked a couple of miles to Dover Castle on the hill. I’ve visited quite a few castles; although this was a very well preserved castle, it was a castle. A typical Dover pub for a pint was a nice change. My first visit to Belfast, I decided to see its coastline, which was magnificent. Cork was our next to the last stop; a beautiful city and one of the best fish chowder’s of my life. We docked in Portland, England on our last full cruise day. I wanted to see the Jurassic coast, however, that tour filled up quickly, so I begrudgingly booked Corfe Castle and the English countryside. Long story very short, we couldn’t go to the castle right away due to a parking issue, so our guide decided to detour to the Jurassic coast; it was meant to be. The castle and the coast were spectacular (see photos below).
I cannot imagine more than one cruise every few years. I write this realizing I have an Asian cruise planned for November ‘23. It doesn’t count because I booked it several years ago and it has been canceled and rescheduled numerous times (COVID). It’s a wonderful way to travel, but I find all the food and partying to be a bit decadent.
Near Future Travel
Fortunately, between now and March I have every little planned. My sister and brother-in-law will be visiting from North Carolina in early November and I’m surprising them with an overnight trip to see the incredible Algarve rock formations (my sister has never read and will never read my blog; I love her nonetheless). A food & wine trip to Lyon, France with friends in mid-November and a weekend at the Spanish border in December. That’s it until March when I will be traveling to Florida for a week of curated memories; sharing a house with two of my favorite people in the world. All of the above amply spaced out and well planned.
A little bit of Milan as well (less than 24 hours in this city)
Photo: Milan and Genoa (on this trip)
My Blog My Opinion
I’m stuck in my hotel room in Genoa today (Wednesday) due to severe thunderstorms (I love them, but they never happened). I shouldn’t say “stuck” because I’m in a very pleasant hotel in the oldest part of Genoa and my room is quite comfortable. I love reading; watching films can be relaxing, but writing takes me to my happy place. I have been travelling quite a bit and I thought some travel tips might be useful to some of you.
These days, I mainly travel for two reasons: 1)to try food in different parts of the world, 2)to experience change. I’ve noticed great things happen in my life when I shake things up a bit. In the process of shaking, I like to minimize things that could go wrong.
Deciding on Where to Go
I’ve written this before, but it’s worth repeating: the older I get, the less I want to leave the comforts of home. I love my life in Faro and I miss it when I am away. Then why do I do it? It’s a complicated answer, however, I’ll give it a try: I travel because I think I should. Lame answer isn’t it, but it’s true. I believe that I grow as a person when I travel. I know I grow physically from all of the eating I do (another blog).
When experiencing different cultures, you are able to broaden your thinking about the human condition. Of course you can experience differences in your own backyard, but it’s not the same when you’re surrounded by people who look different, sound different, behave differently, and interact with you differently — and that’s all good.
I’ll use my current situation as an example. I am in the Old Town.
“The historical centre, also known as old town, of Genoa is one of the largest and most-densely populated in Europe. Part of it was also inscribed on the World Heritage List (UNESCO) in 2006 as Genoa: Le Strade Nuove and the system of the Palazzi dei Rolli.” Wikipedia
As I dragged my suitcase through the narrow, hilly, horribly humid streets I noticed two things: First, there are prostitutes everywhere. They don’t seem to be hiding at all. Second, the area is ethnically diverse. I know that neither of these things is atypical to Genoa, but they stand out here. Where do my thoughts go? Well, I’m certainly happy to see so much diversity. To me that always means more food options and a city that is welcoming immigrants. The prostitutes? I’m not so sure how I feel. I guess if it’s legal and I don’t know the answer to whether or not it is, then I would think there would be regulations around health and safety matters — I’m speculating. Prostitution doesn’t directly impact me personally; however, in my mind, where there are prostitutes, there are illegal drugs and other crimes. This way of thinking stems from my early years in certain parts of Manhattan (remember when Times Square was a hell hole?). Right or wrong, these impressions are part of a history I cannot erase. The prejudice around the selling of one’s body is also deeply embedded.
So as I walk around the Old Town and take it all in, I don’t judge the people I see, but I do wonder how and why it is accepted here and not in other places. We humans are complicated; my prejudices and thoughts are not something I am ashamed of, but the more I learn, the more I understand, and therefore, the less prejudiced I become.
Back to deciding where I want to travel. My first priority is to choose a place that I haven’t been to, where I can fly direct. I hate changing planes. Most of my travel woes occured when I missed my connection or had delays on my first flight which caused me a great deal of anxiety — then and now. There are times when a connection cannot be avoided, but I try to minimize the frequency.
On this trip, I flew directly into Milan. I’ve been to Milan many times because of my position at the French Culinary Institute. I had no desire to spend time in MIlan. Genoa is only 90 minutes away by train and I have always wanted to experience Genoa. Seemed like a no brainer and so far, it’s working. I take the train back to Milan tomorrow and I get to visit with a friend. the next time I’ll go north to Lake Como.
I try to choose places where I can experience dining at ethnically diverse eateries. The cuisine is excellent in Faro, however, it is not diverse enough for me. I had Korean food my first night in Milan. This made me very happy.
Update on prostitutes: The Old Town was swarming with police at noonish today (Thursday); I don’t think it’s legal. I didn’t see a single prostitute.
How to GetWhere I’m Going
I love trains and I hate buses. Even though there are usually less delays with buses (in Europe), I hate them so much. Sometimes I have a choice and sometimes I’m forced to take a bus. For example, Sevilla is a couple of hours away, but you cannot get there by train from Faro. Then of course there is flying — terrible for the environment, I know. I prefer to fly out of Faro because I live 10 minutes from the airport and that is a big reason why I chose Faro. Faro has several budget airlines (EasyJet, RyanAir, Jet2, Air Transat, and a couple of others). I can book these airlines inexpensively and fly direct to many cities; then if I need to I can add on a train trip (Genoa where I am now for example). These airlines are all about loading them up and shipping them out, making their on-time-record pretty decent.
There are times when I am forced to take the train to Lisbon because I cannot fly direct to my final destination. I will occasionally add on a Faro to Lisbon leg, but only if the connection is less than three hours. The train is just a little over three hours, therefore, it doesn’t always pay to fly. I normally add an overnight stay in Lisbon; it’s a beautiful city with lots to see and do.
How Long to Stay and Where to Stay (and cruise bookings)
For certain destinations, there are sometimes flights only once a week in and out of Faro. For these trips the decision has been made for me. If there are a couple of flights a week, I will take a three or four night trip, depending on how close or far away the city is. If it is a trip to France and it’s a little over two hours in the air, three nights is sufficient for me. If I’m flying to the States or any place where I’m flying over seven hours, I will go for a week or more. My problem has always been that I miss being home after a few days. This includes times when I am having a great time. I know, I am a complicated fella.
I love using Hotels.com to book. After 10 nights, I get one free night (it depends on the per night costs for the 10 stays — it’s a average cost for the free night. There are times when I have to pay a little bit more for the free night. How is it free then? Who knows.). I have achieved a certain status due to frequency of use, so sometimes I am upgraded to a nicer room or they might leave me a bottle of wine or even include breakfast — as long I don’t end up with twin beds, I’m happy. Happiness being relative. I love when a good breakfast is included. It means I eat more than usual, but I’m learning to be more selective about my choices (i.e., granola rather than three croissants). Booking.com sometimes has more choices, however, I’ve noticed the deals are not as good. It’s good to compare. I think most of these booking platforms are similar. VRBO is good for long stays in homes or apartments. For booking flights, I love Skyscanner.com. I have gotten some great deals on this site and they send alerts.
I use Airbnb a lot when I’m staying more than two or three nights. I like that I can cook my own food and I love the often, not always, homey feel. People can be very generous and creative — I have stayed at amazing Airbnbs at bargain per night rates. Look closely at the cleaning fee, service fees, taxes, and the cancellation policy. When COVID hit us and flights and trips were being cancelled, I did lose some money. Now I mainly book hotels or Airbnbs with generous cancellation policies (some even the day before travel). I only bother with travel insurance if I’m taking a cruise. I think most have restrictions and do not pay out. For cruise bookings I use Ryan Holland at Vacationstogo. He’s a true pro and gets what I like. It’s all about customer service and knowing the customer. I usually book my own excursions, but not always. Sometimes the cruise lines give you credits and then it might be a good deal. Again, do the research and fine the best deal for you.
For me, finding a bargain is a great deal of fun. There is nothing better than planning a trip to a great city for a song. I look at it this way, the less I spend on airfare and hotel, the more money I have for dining out. As you already know, I live to eat. If you are one of these people who eat to live, I am so sorry for you.
How Much Do I want to Spend?
My budget is always different depending on the following: If it’s a quick weekend away, it’s a tight budget. A longer trip requires more comfort and therefore, a bigger budget. I trip I have waited a lifetime to take (Asia 2023) will mean a greater budget. I don’t love spending money on high-end hotels (although the Sofitel in Havana almost changed my mind; it was fabulous). Sometimes I book a really inexpensive vacation and then I upgrade right before I leave. You know, if I find money in my dirty laundry or a great aunt dies (never going to happen). If you’re travelling with a friend or partner, budget must be discussed and agreed upon.
Tipping: know the tipping practices of the country you are in. Whenever staff go above and beyond, I reward them generously. As a person who worked for gratuities for many years, I know how it feels to be snubbed or rewarded.
What to Do Once I Get There
If I’m traveling to a different time zone or after a long journey, I plan a nap. If I know I’m arriving early (most U.S. east coast flights arrive in Europe in the morning), I write to the hotel and let them know my flight time. I usually write something very humble, such as: “I know this may not be possible, but if you have a room available by 10:00 a.m. I would be very grateful. I will be arriving after a very long flight and I will need to rest and freshen-up.” It doesn’t always work, but I sure am happy when it does. I have learned that when travelling, being nice goes a long way. Should be the way we live, but it’s difficult sometimes because people (hospitality people specifically, aren’t always nice. I have noticed that if you are super nice to angry staff, they sometimes chill out. I live in a fantasy world most of the time.
When planning your first day, keep it light; pace yourself. I always say that if I fail to see or do something and I really like a city or place, not seeing or doing everything will give me a good reason to return.
What if Something Goes Wrong? Stop laughing!
What is that saying? “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.” Pessimistic at best. Considering the amount of travelling I do, I’d have to say I have very few problems when I travel. Here are some of the things that I do to avoid problems:
Do your homework and keep your documents in two places: in your phone doc file and print out paper copies. If something happens to your phone, you’ll be glad you had your docs with you.
Always keep your passport and visa in the same place. I pack mine days before a trip and I keep it in a deep pocket of my carry on (and I keep a 20 note folded up in my passport case in case of an emergency). Note the expiration date of your passport and visas on a digital calendar months before the expiration date. Pop-up reminders are very helpful and will prevent you from paying expediting fees. I know too many people who have had to postpone a trip because their passports were either expired or the new one did not arrive on time. Make sure you don’t need a visa to go wherever you’re going. Travel agents are useful for this sort of thing. The travel agent I used for my Cuba trip did everything and it was worth the extra money I paid for the trip.
Order a taxi or transfer the day before an early flight. You cannot count on Uber at 4:00 a.m. (Maybe in big cities, but not in Faro). You’ll pay a bit more, but you’ll make your flight. Today, my taxi driver wanted 30 euros for a six minute ride to the airport. I bargained him down to 25; still too much. The world has become a greedier place.
Arrive earlier than you think you should for your flight. Getting through security and passport control can take longer than you think. Download a movie or bring a good book. Most airports have free wifi. Having time to spare is so much better than begging people to let you in front of them — some people are gracious and kind; others are bitter. Some people will hold you accountable for every bad thing that ever happened to them. That horrible person may be the reason you miss your flight. I can recall a moment in the Miami airport when I came close to crying. A stranger took tapped my shoulder and led me to the front of the line without even asking anyone; he’ll forever be my hero. I wasn’t blessed with balls that big. Strangers can surprise you and restore your faith in humanity.
When you travel to a country with a different currency, either get some at your bank before you leave or keep some from a previous trip. Not all taxis take cards. And what if you haven’t eaten for a few hours? Even in the digital automated world we currently live in, sometimes you have to have cash.
Pack light. I usually try to book an Airbnb with a washer. If that’s not possible, I wash by hand. If you’re going somewhere for more than four nights, you do not need underwear or pants for every day you will be away. Most items of clothing will dry overnight. In an emergency, you can always buy a few things.
Keep a toothbrush, toothpaste, medication, your phone charger, a pair of underwear, and any other essential item, in your carry on bag. If your luggage gets lost, you’ll get by for 24 hours. If the airline does lose your luggage, ask for a clothing allowance. My favorite pair of shorts were purchased in Seattle when my luggage remained at JFK.
If you have an early flight, stay very close to your hotel — it will reduce your stress. As I type this I am in a hotel room 10 minutes from Malpensa Airport in Milan. I have a 6:00 a.m. flight (not by choice) and I’ll need to wake early. Sidenote: I did not sleep well thinking I’d sleep through a call and my phone alarm. It doesn’t matter that this would never happen.
Try not to plan your travel back-to-back. I’m sort of in that situation now and it’s not good. This was all due to COVID disruption, rescheduling of cancelled flights, etc. A day of getting to the airport, security lines, Ubers, trains, and buses, can zap you of all the energy you have. Your body needs time to recover.
Try not to stay with friends and/or family for more than three nights. Having guests isn’t easy; after a while you’ll start to get on each other’s nerves and it can ruin a good vacation. If you can afford it, find your own place to stay. I stayed with a friend for over two weeks once and I still feel bad about it.
Bring a small pillow or one of those neck thingies. My pillow has a 100% soft cotton case and it helps me to sleep better on trains, planes, and buses.
Lastly, don’t let the details bog you down. Remember, being organized is supposed to make life easier and help to avoid headaches and disasters. Keep telling yourself how much fun you’re having.
Eventual Travel
Cop-out I know, but true: as I get older I will be taking shorter, easier, higher end trips. Possibly one long journey a year, to places I have never been . . . I think, perhaps, maybe? I can talk myself into just about anything. Remember not to take your health for granted — there may come a time when travel is not possible. I’m a realist . . . except when it comes to eating great food. I think I’ll eat well until the clock stops ticking.
Upcoming Travel
Toronto, Denver, & Detroit, coming up on the 14th, Northern European cruise in early October, Lyon with friends in November (what was a three night trip has become a seven night trip due to a flight cancellation — more wineries and more French food), Florida with friends in March, back to Liverpool in April so I can spend time with a friend, and a big trip to five Asian countries in November (with same friend — no not that kind of friend). I haven’t planned all of 2023, but I know I will spend more time at home in Faro.
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Restaurant Tips and Pics of Genoa
Alla Lunga Restaurante in the Old Town, Genoa is superb. Local ingredients, excellent service, great atmosphere, and not pricey.
Locanda Spinola, Old Town, homemade pasta and fresh fish. Not a bargain, but excellent traditional Genova cuisine.
Il Mannarino, if you love meat you will love this restaurant. My friend Valentino took me there because my father was born in Bari (outside of the city in Bisceglie) and the owners of this restaurant are from there. I had an outstanding lunch. I did not have steak, but no doubt it would be good here. Beautiful memories.
There is a lot to see and do in Genoa (Genova here). I mostly ate at reasonable restaurants on side streets. After years of travel I can recognize and smell the tourist traps. The food where I dined was good and the service was excellent; however, I only note when they are exceptional. When visiting Italy, I eat pasta daily; it’s my birthright.
“Hush Christopher! You’re not supposed to talk about your money.” It’s funny how in certain cultures, money is not discussed, yet in others, it is flaunted. I was raised in an environment where it was not appropriate to talk about what one paid for things. Mind you, I was raised in poverty. I recall teachers in school telling us that there are certain things one didn’t share. You were never supposed to make your peers uncomfortable — boasting about what you have and reminding others about what they didn’t have. Looking back, I believe this was a good life lesson. Something tells me Brooklyn has changed since the 60s and that they’re no longer teaching these values.
I’m getting to my point . . . I live in a place where lots of expats (immigrants) come to retire, play mah jongg and/or poker. The people I’m surrounded by are not poor, but for the most part, they are also not rich. These are people stretching their hard earned dollars. Travel, good food, concerts, and time with friends, is their currency. I rarely hear much boasting; it seems to be more about sharing experiences. What is nice about this, is that you can get some good ideas and learn from other people. So long as we listen to one another — a lost art indeed.
Every once-in-a-while, someone says something about a house they’re buying or something they ordered online. I hear a hint of bragging and it makes me cringe, but the truth is we all do it. I try to stop myself when my thoughts head in that direction, but sometimes it feels good to hear someone ooh and ah. For example, I was sharing a recent memory of a Michelin star lunch I had in Porto. I was treated, so I’m not sure it counts. I was describing the setting and the dishes and I could tell, a couple at my table was taking mental notes. I know it wasn’t a vacation in the Maldives or the purchase of a beach house; however, I was eating up the envy. Isn’t that a form of bragging?
I recently spent some time with friends from South Wales. They casually asked me how much I paid for my condo. I shared the amount with them, but I was somewhat surprised that they asked the question. I told them that although I told them what I paid, in my world it was not something you usually divulged. They were miffed by my words. First, it was their impression that Americans loved to discuss their wealth and second, they said that people in Wales talk about what they paid for a house without giving it a second thought.
How One Might Respond to Boasting
There is the gentle, innocent bragging and then there is the Donald Trump, over-the-top variety. Which one might you think I despise? There are a number of ways to deal with it when it is directed at you or when you are a part of a larger group listening, as all collectively cringe.
Here are some responses to the obnoxious kind we have all been forced to endure:
“I didn’t realize you could afford something that expensive.”
“Wasn’t that watch popular in the 80s?”
“Can you leave it to me in your will please?”
“Can you save this for the next time, I’m buying a Ferrari today and I’m afraid I have an appointment with the dealer.”
“Show me that diamond again, I didn’t see it the first time.”
Bragging about children, grandchildren, or pets shouldn’t count; except of course, when a person goes on and on until you get to the point where you’d like to knock the phone out of their hands.
Am I being unkind? Sorry, I don’t think so.
What I Have that I Consider Priceless(happy to boast about this):
Family who love me despite my shortcomings
Friends who make me laugh when I’m down and who are there for me when I need them most. In other words, friends who are chosen family.
Paco, my furry friend and companion
A love of art, words, nature and the undiscovered
Good health
The ability to reason and rationalize
A home in a country where social democracy is embraced and practiced
My father’s passion for food and cooking
My mother’s sense of humor (and legs)
Fearlessness
Optimism
Authenticity
A seeker of truth and justice
Not an exhaustive list, but you get the point. How can anything material this world could offer me, trump this list? I implore you to take inventory of what truly matters.
I consider “know it alls” to be right up there with people who boast. Wouldn’t it be great if we could sometimes just say, “Would you please just shut up!”
When You Might Be Misunderstood
I recently posted the purchase of a friends painting on Facebook. Some might see that as boasting. “Look at him bragging about buying art.” In truth, I did it to promote my friend’s work. I wanted others to see her talent and visit her studio; in my mind, that’s not boasting, it’s supporting a friend. I’m not ashamed of my behavior; I’m proud to know talented people.
Travel
I’m currently exploring the Loire Valley. It’s too hot to walk around, but Pornic on the coast starting Saturday will offer milder weather and even a thunderstorm (my favorite). Milan and Genoa in early September; Toronto, Denver, and Detroit coming up mid-September (the best time to travel). Cruising to northern Europe in October, and then a number of shorter trips to the end of the year. This isn’t boasting by the way. If I said I was was staying in a suite on the cruise, that would be boasting. I always travel on the cheap.
I probably won’t dedicate a blog to Nantes and Pornic (where I am now). I’m enjoying being away from home. For me, writing about a place can be distracting. Feel free to ask questions if you have any. France is one of my favorite countries and sometimes being here feels like an extension of home.
“Feelings that come back, are feelings that never left.”
— anonymous
I got feelings, you got feelings, we all got feelings . . . truth right; poetic even? Lately I feel like I’m feeling too much; too much is wrong with the world and I have the feeling that it isn’t going to get any better anytime soon. I’m wondering how to remain positive when everything around me is falling apart.
Is it okay to laugh when there is so much to cry about? Is failure to turn on the news or “like” your friends’ posts on Facebook, the same as living with your head in the sand? I’m not sure out of sight, out of mind is such a bad thing these days. It seems like self-preservation is the only tool that has any usefulness and my toolbox is half-empty, said the optimist.
Everybody wants to give you advice on how to make the best of it; why you should be grateful; remind you of all of the abundance in your life, but what if you’re just not feeling it? Are you the problem or the solution? For me, the answer is neither. I am neither complicit or the cure; what I am is human. Human beings feel and sometimes deeply.
My capacity to temper, hide, and/or come to terms with my feelings, has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. Empathy is good; however, when feeling the pain of others weighs you down to the point of stagnation, it’s time to reassess. Time to find a way to shut it down, switch it off, cover it up, and walk away. Don’t ask if it’s right or just, remind yourself that there are limits and that you are no good to yourself or anyone else when you have gone beyond those limits and you can no longer yank yourself out of bed.
Me First and the Face of Deception
We all know people who appear perfect. How does she do it? Why does he have all the luck? Who does she think she is and why can’t I be more like her?
You don’t have to go deeper than just below the surface to see that trouble and pain are being hidden, with the hope of never being discovered. That knowledge alone should help us to be more forgiving, but we’re not. We beat each other up and judge as if we ourselves have cornered the market on perfection. The moment we accept that we are all broken, is when we can accept our own flaws.
Why is it So Hard?
Beating yourself up is so much worse than you might realize. It has lasting effects on the psyche and makes you appear weak in the eyes of others. Dark, dark blog this week.
Two Steps Forward and One Step Back
As I become more aware of my feelings and the reason I experience negative feelings, I have to learn to accept that there are setbacks — times when I do not handle my feelings as well as I would have hoped. It is at these times when I realize patience, forgiveness, and learning from your mistakes are essential for future success.
My Next Move
I have no next move. I will continue to monitor my feelings, knowing that I will never stop feeling and I can do little to control these feelings.
Feeling by Bnxn & Ladipoe (partial lyrics)
Ain’t nobody Realer Touch down got a couple gees for the dealer Gang signs out the window my killer Life getting sweeter no use water dilute my Ribena
So we toast to the good life Every minute to the full cos I could die Pull up open doors then it’s suicide yeah 16 bad woop and they all by the poolside
I like the way I’m feeling now No come use your Reggae spoil my blues and rhythm now Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I like the way I’m feeling now Omo e get small thing weh dey stress me but right now I’m chilling now Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I like the way I’m feeling now No come use your Reggae spoil my blues and rhythm now No no oh oh oh oh oh oh oh I like the way I’m feeling now Omo e get small thing weh dey stress me but right now I’m chilling now Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Travel Plans
I travel to discover new places, revisit places that make me feel good, and to recharge the worn out batteries. And of course, to be with friends and family.
Alvor, Portugal, end of July, Nantes and Pornic in mid-August, São Brás de Alportel, Portugal end of August,Toronto, Denver, and Detroit in mid-September, Northern Europe NCL cruise in early October, with some time in London for West End Theatre, Lyon in late November and I’ve decided to stay put in Portugal for Christmas ’22. Florida to be with friends March ’23. Asian cruise on Celebrity November ’23. This cruise has been postponed three times.
Papagni Pages 