I recall sitting alone on my Airbnb terrace in Marseille this past June (my view above). I had a coffee in my hand and I was thinking of you. I can love my friends and family and still enjoy being alone.
I have always been concerned that my desire to be by myself would be misinterpreted. I feel less this way these days; however, I still occasionally have to explain myself to others. I hope this helps:
The Signs Are All There
How do I know that I’m introverted? A few tell-tale signs:
- I took the Myers-Briggs test numerous times and I always come up introverted. (see below for explanation).
- I prefer being myself to being with people. NOT ALWAYS.
- When I’m attending a social gathering, I have to go out of my way to be social.
- I have many, many brothers and sisters. Doesn’t that explain why I’m introverted?
- If I’m in a crowded place for any length of time, I become anxious and often feel the need to leave.
- I usually prefer to travel alone.
- Being alone recharges my batteries.
- I can eat alone, shop alone, see a film alone, go to theatre or a concert alone, sleep alone and be alone with my thoughts.
The trait of extraversion–introversion is a central dimension of human personality theories. The terms introversion and extraversion were popularized by Carl Jung,[1] although both the popular understanding and psychological usage differ from his original intent. Extraversion tends to be manifested in outgoing, talkative, energetic behavior, whereas introversion is manifested in more reserved and solitary behavior.
Extraversion and introversion are typically viewed as a single continuum, so to be high in one necessitates being low in the other. Carl Jung and the developers of the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator provide a different perspective and suggest that everyone has both an extraverted side and an introverted side, with one being more dominant than the other. Rather than focusing on interpersonal behavior, however, Jung defined introversion as an “attitude-type characterized by orientation in life through subjective psychic contents” (focus on one’s inner psychic activity) and extraversion as “an attitude type characterized by concentration of interest on the external object” (focus on the outside world).[3
There are times when I tell friends that I am an introvert and they challenge me. I’m often told that I am far too social to possibly be an introvert. Those who know me well, know that there are days when I just need to be by myself. One of the many reasons I moved overseas was to spend more time alone. The older I get the more introverted I become. There is absolutely no danger in becoming a hermit, I love my friends and family too much for that to happen.
I know people who can never be alone. My mother was such a person. She would call anyone or go anywhere so that she could have company. I guess that would be a case of extreme extroversion or perhaps it was fear; fear of having to be with oneself. When I was a kid, my mother would climb the attic stairs; my bedroom was in the attic, just to chide me about being in my room alone. She would practically force me to go outside to play. If you have children that tell you that they’d rather read or write or play games, for goodness sake, let them be.
Sometimes it feels like a stigma or illness. It should feel normal and comfortable and it should be accepted by all. Perhaps someday the extroverts who feel threatened by introverts, will understand.
Accepting that I am an introvert has helped me to come to terms with many aspects of my personality. I do at times force myself to be in social situations; not only because it can be extremely satisfying, but also because I think it’s an important part of being human.
A couple of good resources for understanding: https://maricarmenpizarro.com/introverts-vs-extroverts-can-you-effectively-manage-if-you-are-a-natural-introvert/
https://personalityjunkie.com/introverts-dilemma/
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Future Travel
South Africa land & sea next week, Iceland/Norwegian fjords, land & sea in May, Oslo in July. Finally, a visit to the Puglia region of Italy in the spring of 2025. The United States in 2025 is likely: Brooklyn, Florida, Portland, Maine, Maryland, and North Carolina. I booked a Mediterranean cruise for October 2025; more about that some other time — it sails from Tel Aviv.
Current State of Mind
I had my floors refinished this past week. It meant moving out of my apartment and staying in an Airbnb in the Old Town of Faro. It was interesting to be on the other side of my city. It confirmed two important things for me: first, I am living in the “right” part of town (less noise and fewer tourists) and second, Paco is most happy when he is home.
I have hated my cherry parquet flooring since the day I purchased my condo. I’m sure they were beautiful and current when they were laid 50 years ago, but for me they were outdated and too dark. I waited almost six years to refinish them because it would mean turning my life upside down for a week. The relief I feel today is immense; I will question why I waited so long for longer than I should. And this was a whole lot easier than buying and selling.
Being Alive
Someone to hold you too close
Someone to hurt you too deep
Someone to sit in your chair
To ruin your sleep
That’s true, but there’s more than that
Is that all you think there is to it?
You’ve got so many reasons for not being with someone, but Robert
You haven’t got one good reason for being alone
Come on, you’re on to something, Bobby
You’re on to something
Someone to need you too much
Someone to know you too well
Someone to pull you up short
To put you through hell
You’re not a kid anymore, Robert
I don’t think you’ll ever be a kid again, kiddo
Hey, buddy, don’t be afraid that it won’t be perfect
The only thing to be afraid of really is that it won’t be
Don’t stop now, keep going!
Someone you have to let in
Someone whose feelings you spare
Someone who, like it or not
Will want you to share
A little, a lot
And what does all that mean?
Robert, how do you know so much about it when you’ve never been there?
It’s much better living it than looking at it, Robert
Add ’em up, Bobby, add ’em up
Someone to crowd you with love
Someone to force you to care
Someone to make you come through
Who’ll always be there
As frightened as you of being alive
Being alive
Being alive
Being alive
Blow out the candles, Robert, and make a wish
Want something, want something
Somebody hold me too close
Somebody hurt me too deep
Somebody sit in my chair and ruin my sleep
And make me aware of being alive
Being alive
Somebody need me too much
Somebody know me too well
Somebody pull me up short and put me through hell
And give me support for being alive
Make me alive
Make me alive
Make me confused
Mock me with praise
Let me be used
Vary my days
But alone is alone
Not alive
Somebody crowd me with love
Somebody force me to care
Somebody let come through
I’ll always be there
As frightened as you, to help us survive
Being alive
Being alive
Being alive
Stephen Sondheim (my all time favorite composer and lyricist)
Papagni Pages 