A brief diversion from my short story posts

I’m using the word “immigrant” throughout this piece, versus expat, because many believe that individuals who have relocated to a foreign country use that word as if expats are superior in some way to immigrants. It’s all about perception and marketing.
expat noun

1. a person who lives outside their native country.

immigrant noun

1. a person who comes to live permanently in a foreign country.

I think the angry sentiment has a lot more to do with how immigrants are being perceived and treated throughout the world. Let us not forget that many individuals fleeing their home country have very little choice but to leave. People like me leave the United States for many reasons, however, they are not leaving due to ethnic cleansing, bombs being dropped on their homes, the inability to feed their children or themselves, religious persecution, and other unfortunate possibilities. To be void of compassion for these people is horrific. The absence of empathy in our time is astonishing.

I’m writing this piece for two reasons: first, people often say to me, “You are so fortunate not to be living here right now,” or second, “If things were different, would you come back?” I want to respond to both candidly. At first I thought I’d be setting myself up for ridicule and judgment, but in the end, I don’t really give a shit what people think of my responses/explanation. This is my platform for self-expression and I will continue to share what’s on my mind. That’s not to say I don’t care about what people think; I do. But if I’m being honest about what is in my heart and I am judged for it, that lands in the “that’s your opinion box,” In the end, it’s a whole lot healthier to refrain from listening to people who might be righteous, jealous, or brainwashed. When you lay down your head at night and you think about your actions, there truly is one person you answer to. If you’re religious, you might answer to god. As a non-believer, I answer to myself.

Why Did I Leave?

As with many things in life, it’s a multi-faceted, complicated, explanation.

First and foremost, after years of travel and discovery, it was always my intention to experience a new place that is vastly different: including language, culture, cuisine, art, music, landscape, etc. I never felt tied to one place, ever. Whenever I was living in a place and I began to feel that it might no longer be a good fit, I would move on. Why that feeling might happen is also complicated. I would have to say much of it is on me: restlessness, resentful of the behavior of people around me, financial strain, career choices — all have had an impact on my past decisions and may affect future decisions.

I loved Brooklyn, however, a work situation became untenable, therefore I quit the job. I relocated to Maine knowing that in order to remain in Brooklyn, I would need a high salary position which would only lead to more stress and health issues. I started a consulting business in Maine which took-off after three years. I was enjoying new friendships and the liberal attitudes in Portland, but when Donald Trump was running for president the first time (2016), I vowed to leave the country if he won. I was naive and jaded due to the places I had recently lived and the people I surrounded myself with. When Trump won, I immediately began the process of leaving the U.S. I would have moved to Europe eventually; therefore, in my mind I was just speeding things up a bit.

Why Portugal

At the time of my decision, Portugal was quickly becoming the number one place for individuals seeking a better life in a foreign country. There were tax and other incentives, further, acquiring a visa was not as difficult a process as it has become. Portugal is in a much stronger place economically and its citizens have had enough with the influx of people who buy up properties at a premium and receive tax breaks. I definitely can understand their resentment. On the other hand, immigrants have helped Portugal become more economically independent. In addition, vast infrastructure and aesthetic improvements have been made. Many Portuguese people would argue that these improvements have come at too high a cost; in fact, some believe that the overall quality of life has not improved, but has worsened. That’s a debate for people who know more about these things. I like to think that I add value to the overall quality of life.

I chose Portugal because of its close proximity to the U.S., its beautiful culture (music, cuisine, landscape, history), and its warm and gracious people. I’ve never looked back. In my heart I believe it was the best decision of my life . . . after coming out of the closet.

How I am Treated

The Portuguese people who are curious about my decision, often ask me the same question: Why did Americans put Trump in Office? He’s not very well liked by most citizens of Portugal and they don’t feel that they get honest answers from the media or Portuguese Politicians. Portugal has a long standing friendship with the United States; politically, poking the bear is not an option. When people find out I’m from New York, they are confused about why I would live in a place like Faro. Most are thrilled that I love their small city. For many in Portugal, New York City is a dream (just based on feedback I receive, not verified data).

How I Feel About Being An Immigrant

I know it’s not practical and could never be the case, but still, I believe everyone should be allowed to live anywhere. Criminals, individuals who’d rather live off of others, and people who enjoy making others miserable, should have their privilege revoked. Who decides all that is one of the reasons it probably wouldn’t work.

I moved to Portugal because I have the means to do it. My roots in the United States are not deep. Friends and family can travel; also I do reluctantly go back every now and then. I know that there are people in the U.S. who firmly believe that I have abandoned my country and there are people in Portugal who believe I don’t belong here. As a gay man, I have always felt like an outsider, making dealing with these types of people easier. If you don’t like me or you don’t appreciate what I stand for, kindly go back into your own lane. I have developed some beautiful friendships with people here, but in truth, I will never really know what non-friends think of me.

I enjoy going to the market and attempting to speak Portuguese to the vendors. They correct me and laugh with me and I love that. I get very excited when I’m driving in a roundabout and I realize I’m in the correct lane (it’s an art form). I love discovering new dishes I have not tried before. Believe it or not, sometimes I take an eight minute, nine euro Bolt to Faro airport one hour before an international flight — only if it’s a 6:00 a.m. flight (first flight of the day). I breeze through security and I’m at the gate in 15 minutes. I love when there’s live Portuguese music at the outdoor local market on a blue sky day. Fortunately, the Algarve averages 300 days of sunshine a year. I laugh when Algarvians talk about rush hour traffic. “It took 20 minutes to get home instead of the 10 minutes it takes on a Saturday.” And imagine how awful it is to have to circle your block once or twice to have to find free parking near your apartment. One of my favorite things is paying seven euros to see a film and not having to wait in line at the cinema (and popcorn is five euros, not ten). I know it’s directly correlated to salaries and the Portuguese economy, but I don’t mind the benefits. There are so many upsides to being an immigrant in Portugal, I can’t possibly name them all. I recently learned that Portuguese people hate when anyone says Portugal is cheap and I can’t say I blame them. It’s all relative.

I’m not rubbing your nose in it. I’m sharing these things because people are often curious. It’s human nature to want to know. Except for some individuals who can spend three hours sitting next to you at a dinner party and not ask you a single question about yourself. There are a few people from the States here who are like that. Unfortunately, they are too self-involved to see it. I’m not bitter, no.

Sure there are some negatives: Americans who will only interact and be friends with other Americans, people who relocate to Portugal and never attempt to learn Portuguese. “Why should I learn Portuguese when the Portuguese prefer to speak English?” That one really gets my goat. Or “I don’t understand why they don’t carry Tylenol here.” So many of these kinds of comments. The Portuguese (generalization, my apologies) are very private people. They enjoy their families, they drive fast, they’re often too proud to admit they might be wrong, but they will run to your aid in a quick minute, they will greet you with a smile, and they will not judge you based on your socio-economic status. Healthcare is excellent and reasonable, car insurance is reasonable, and milk and eggs are reasonable. Sorry, I couldn’t help but throw in some more positives and I didn’t say cheap.

You know you’re in the right place when you have no desire to live somewhere else. I came to Faro with the knowledge that I could always go back to the U.S., that I could move to a different European country if I wanted to, or I could move to a different place close to where I live now. For the first time in a very long time, I am content to stay right where I am. I know that if I’m dissatisfied with something I can speak up. But more often I think, I am a guest in a country that has welcomed me in, it is better to behave like a guest and graciously accept some of the very minor inconveniences. I hope that answers your questions. If not, drop me a line.

Current State-of Mind

My sister passed this week. I have now lost five out of 10 siblings: three half and two from the same two parents. I never felt that it made a difference, half or whole. When you share your life and love from the very beginning, it’s the same. I want to honor AnnMarie by acknowledging the sacrifices she made for me, my brother and sisters, her partners and her children. She was strong but insecure, intelligent but unbending, and she was full of joy much of her life; her laugh was contagious and I loved her for it. I hope her four daughters and six grandchildren find peace in her passing.

I would like to have a break from the reminder that life is temporary and that we are not guaranteed another moment, let alone another day.

Paco had surgery to address a serious and sometimes deadly bacteria; he is fighting hard, but I fear he is not improving. I’ll write more when he is out of the woods.

Walking away from toxicity and deliberate hurtfulness, has been a difficult challenge. Until about six months ago, I didn’t feel that I was making very much progress. I’m comfortable reporting that I am taking care of myself these days. And hey, on the flip side, for those not giving up on me, thank you. I’m no piece of cake.

“Loving life is easy when you are abroad. Where no one knows you and you hold life in your hands all alone, you are more master of yourself than at any other time.” – Hannah Arendt