Papagni Pages

Tag: life

  • Blind Not Invisible

    I will always see the world through a child’s eyes. When I was eight years old, I lost my eyesight. I woke up one morning and I couldn’t see past my own hand. I told my mother what was happening, but she shrugged it off. My six brothers and sisters were fighting for her attention while she attempted to get us all ready for school. My father was still in bed; I would never have told him anyway. Clueless when it comes to raising children, I love my father nonetheless.

    My eyesight went from bad to worse within hours, until everything went dark by mid-afternoon. By then I was sitting in the classroom. My teacher noticed that I was starting to panic and called me out into the hallway. I stood up, stumbled and didn’t make it past my desk. I explained my situation as my eyes welled up with fearful tears. My teacher called the school nurse who quickly came to get me.

    My mother left her job to come down to the school. Everyone was extremely concerned; more troubled by how quickly I’d lost my sight, then anything else. I believe by the end of that week I had seen four specialists and not one of them knew what was happening to me.

    Time passed slowly. My siblings helped me get from A to B; my mother did everything else. I pretty much knew my way around the house and I could feel my way to our backyard. Our dog Beau seemed to understand my situation better than anyone else. He stayed by my side as I became more and more familiar with the life of a non-seeing person. Everything I pictured was as I remembered it when I could see. Initially everyone treated me like I was very sick and would never get better. As time went by, our household returned to my pre-blind state. I was not diagnosed until three months after I lost my sight.

    My parents were told I had a very rare virus which had attacked my cornea and caused my blindness. No cure, no hope. I was told that I would have to adapt and so I did. I found that my imagination provided far more color than what I recalled; I was grateful for a fairly decent memory of objects and contrast. I kept my thoughts about my new world to myself, I’m selfish that way.

    What I keenly realized is how it was almost as if I wore a cloak that made me invisible. I was in the room, but people behaved as if I wasn’t there. I wasn’t asked my opinion or made to feel seen; I was treated almost like a family pet.

    As I got older and became more independent, I felt myself developing what I thought were super powers. I heard everything clearly; I could smell sincerity; and I could feel the presence of others before they uttered a sound. I silently wondered if anyone sensed my hyper awareness. Clearly most people around me were self-absorbed and clueless; I was certain I could use that to my advantage.

    I had always been intensely introverted, that didn’t change. What I couldn’t see with my eyes, I could visualize with my mind. I saw the true character of people all around me. One October Sunday, a cousin from Croatia came to visit the family. He had been talking to my parents when I entered the living room. I picked up on a dark aura and many secrets. I heard quiet whispers and sounds people didn’t even realize they were making. When Sal left, my parents expressed their delight; clearly hoping to spend more time with him. The following Saturday we were all out for a day in the country and the house was broken into. I could feel and smell Sal’s aura everywhere, like manure on an open field. I told my parents what I’d experienced and they quickly dismissed any notion that Sal may have broken-in. Months later Sal was arrested for a string of burglaries and our things were discovered in his garage. My parents dismissed my intuition as coincidence.

    Not long after, I was in a restaurant eating at a table not far from what I believe were two gentlemen. One of the two was describing a hit on the restaurant owner. They spoke to one another as if I was not sitting nearby. I got up from the table to call the police. I later learned that the two men were arrested for having murdered several individuals in the Washington area.

    I learned that this sensory awareness could assist investigators in solving crimes. I decided to study Forensic Science at The Seattle Institute for the Blind. It was there that my talents were finally recognized. Upon graduating, I accepted a position with the FBI. I am one of just three individuals in the country assisting in solving forensic crime. Being blind enables me to quietly navigate my environment, rarely being noticed or questioned. Without realizing it, most people think that because I cannot see, I cannot make sense of the world I inhabit. I prove them wrong daily.

    I often use Henry, my seeing eye dog, to confirm my suspicions. Again, Henry is only viewed as my guide dog; very few are aware of his talent for sniffing out the truth. I would never go so far as to say I enjoy being blind; however, the world I see is vibrant; my imagination, a sensory buffet.

    Please provide your email in order to subscribe. Thank you.

    An old shoulder injury had been making it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks, so I finally bit-the-bullet and had replacement surgery. Typing with one hand is difficult, but my limitations won’t last long. Physical therapy begins next week and I’ll be back to my old self before you know it.

    Taking a quick trip to Bristol, England in a few weeks. I’ll be wearing my very uncomfortable sling and carrying a light overnight bag. I’m going stir crazy as I convalesce. I know it will do me good mentally and physically. Watching my upper body quickly atrophy is no fun. Time and patience Christopher.

    Like so many, I’m digesting less news these days. My bandwidth for divisive politics has decreased; feeling defeated and hopeless. I do believe people will eventually come to know the error of their ways, but realistically, we are years away from any real progress. The new U.S. administration and a couple of supreme court appointments, will set us back decades and reinforce hate, bias, and religious extremism.

    My goal is to find a place of acceptance and tolerance. Becoming an angry, hateful, bitter old man is not in the cards. I want to remain hopeful and continue to thrive in this new reality.

  • We Are All Suspect

    Five years ago I met a woman who would cause me to question everything in my life. It was at a time when I wasn’t sure I would ever want a partner. The insanity began after I reluctantly attended a friend’s dinner party. She and I were seated next to each other. She was introduced as Doris, but she insisted I call her Dory. I asked her where Dory came from and she said she’d tell me after we got to know one another. I told her that my name was Tom and that she could call me Tom.

    She said, “Taking life a bit too seriously, are we?”

    I resisted her charms that night, turning to the person on my other side thinking that might be enough of a hint to keep her quiet, but alas, it didn’t work. I recall there were a couple of times when she either turned my head toward her or raised her voice to get my attention. I wasn’t sure if I was being set up. Dory was not exactly my type. First of all, she was aggressive. I like quiet, passive women. Second, she was a vegan; I mean, she couldn’t even look at meat. Lastly, she was way too cheerful. Morose and sullen were the way I preferred the women in my life.

    Dory and I spent a solid two hours getting to know one another. If I’m going to be honest, I learned more than I needed to know. For example, she told me that her husband died on a hike in Colorado. Apparently, he stumbled and went over the edge of a cliff and plunged to his death. I couldn’t help but question her reasoning behind telling me this.

    “Where were you?” I asked.

    “Oh I was there,” she said, ” about six feet away.”

    I was somewhat conflicted that evening; I wanted to know more about what made Dory tick, but I was fearful about what I might learn. I’m still not sure why I was so turned on. I only know that I left the dinner party wanting to see Dory again.

    On our third date, I found out why Doris was called Dory. Apparently many of her friends thought that she behaved like the Dory in the Nemo film and they gave her that nickname. Fortunately or unfortunately for her, it stuck. I think she might have thought I’d consider her a dizzy cartoonish character, if she’d shared this with me the night we met.

    Dory had terrible mood swings. Sometimes she’d cancel a date, claiming that her social media fans needed her. I don’t spend a lot of time on social media and I didn’t want to start then. One time we were out on a date at a very high end restaurant. She kept insisting that because of her TikTok presence, she’d be judged on our choice. She told me that she liked that I wasn’t on social media, because it made her feel that I wanted to be with her for her personality, not for her fame.

    One time when we were in bed she asked me if I minded that many men lusted after her. I asked her why she thought that was the case. She told me that men wrote to her all the time; they asked her to visit them or even marry them. I mostly ignored these comments because the sex was good. If I’m going to be honest, I thought she was a bit off. I had never dated anyone like her; I found it strange that she didn’t seem to have friends or a job. Whenever I asked her about work, she would say things like,

    “My fan page pays well.” Whatever that meant.

    I asked my friend who had introduced me to Dory, what she knew of her. She shared that in fact she didn’t really know Dory. She said that Dory was a neighbor who moved in a few months back and that she thought it would be nice to invite her over in order to get to know her. Jane seemed surprised that Dory and I had been going out; she said she had not seen Dory since the dinner party.

    As time passed, Dory became increasingly more cagey about her life. She claimed that she had to be cautious because a lot of people were jealous of her and that worried her. I started to think that she might be having delusions of grandeur. I quickly dismissed the notion being that I wasn’t a great judge of people’s character.

    Dory and I would mostly go out for dinner, sitting at discreet corner tables at small out-of-the-way places. She said that she didn’t want to be approached while she was with me and that the unwanted attention was starting to wear on her. I had never noticed anyone wanting to come up to her, but what did I know about fame?

    Months went by and nothing changed, we saw one another a few times a week for dinner. Dory kept me away from her apartment, claiming it was still unfurnished. Weirdly, neither of us had met anyone in the other’s life. I was too wrapped up in work to notice the stagnation in our relationship.

    We were a few weeks away from a three day weekend. I thought it might be nice to get out of the city. Knowing Dory’s desire to stay away from others in public places, I suggested a quiet cabin in the mountains. Although I have always enjoyed hiking, I figured her husband’s death might trigger a negative reaction, therefore, I did not suggest it. To my surprise, Dory was excited about the getaway idea; it even seemed to lift her spirits a bit.

    The time had come to make our way to Aspen. Dory suggested I bring hiking boots in case we felt like hiking. I assumed she was humoring me, but I packed them anyway. After a few hours in the car, we stopped for food. The grocery store had all of the foods Dory loved and I hated. My debit card didn’t work when I tried to pay. It surprised me when Dory pulled out cash, as she never offered to pay. We arrived at the cabin in the early evening. We cooked an all vegetable dinner and then relaxed by a fire.

    While Dory was getting ready for bed, I went on-line to look at my bank account. I had well over $70,000 in my savings account, but my balance was down to $150. The same was true for my checking account — wiped out. I was about to call the bank, when a thought popped into my head. The times I had left Dory alone in my apartment, my bank pin number carelessly left out on my desk, Dory’s willingness to pay for the groceries, and her suggestion to go on a hike. When she walked into the living room and asked me if everything was okay, I said that I was just tired.

    We went to bed, but I didn’t sleep at all. The wheels were turning and I was certain she intended to get rid of me. She had somehow figured out a way to acquire all of my assets without leaving her mark. I was sure she’d attempt to make me disappear the next day when we were hiking. I had to stay calm so she wouldn’t suspect that I knew what was happening.

    The next morning I noticed some valium in her makeup bag. I figured she intended to drug me before or during the hike. I made it look like I was drinking coffee and then water, but I was only taking a small sip and then spitting it out. When Dory wasn’t looking I put some strong twine in my pocket.

    It was quiet on the mountain and that concerned me a bit. Fortunately, my cell phone showed that we had service. Dory tried to argue that we didn’t need our phones; that it was better to live in the moment and not worry about calls. I told her that I was expecting an important work call.

    When we reached the peak of the mountain, Dory suggested that we take a selfie. I agreed, but I was careful to stand beside her not behind her. After the selfie she said that she wanted to take a picture of me for her TikTok page.

    “It’s time for my fans to see that I have a boyfriend.”

    I quickly turned her around and tied her hands behind her back. She had no idea what was happening, she thought I was playing some sort of game. I gagged her, called the police and waited. She silently sobbed until the police showed up in a helicopter. They didn’t fool around in Aspen.

    After many hours at the police station, I was told that Dory had not wiped out my bank accounts. I had been hacked by a foreign actor. The prescribed valium in Dory’s bag was indeed for anxiety. The police had the cups in the cabin and my water bottle tested, there were no traces of valium anywhere. Dory’s husband had indeed fallen to his death on a hike and there were multiple witnesses to his fall. The police told me that Dory did not want to see me, further, she was considering pressing charges. I was charged with harassment and released pending a hearing.

    I later learned that Dory had millions of social media followers and that she had indeed been harassed and even stalked. Dory did not press charges; however, I was fined thousands of dollars for fees and damages.

    Please provide your email in order to subscribe. Thank you.

    We are days away from the U.S. elections. I’m not only concerned with the presidential race, all branches of the government are in a precarious state. I, like many, have been feeling that we are at a pivotal moment in time and the possibilities could be dire. It’s not only U.S. politics, instability and unrest appear to be a permanent state of being everywhere. I know that worrying about it will not help the situation, but I’m at a loss about how I can effect change. I can only control my own life and even that seems delicate these days. Unfortunately, my inclination is to retreat, pull back, hide; probably the worst thing I can do. There is a great deal to be said about the cocoon we create around ourselves in order to shield us from pain and/or discomfort.

    Hoping for a favorable outcome.

    Note: All current stories are works of fiction. Trust me, my life is not that interesting.

  • What To Do About Flora

    Maggie watched her daughter play with a stranger, but something seemed off. The other little girl suddenly stopped and looked off into the distance. Her energy was strange and her daughter Lily, seemed to be aware of it. It would have been impossible for anyone else to notice. Maggie considered walking over and taking Lily home. Perhaps she was being a bit rash, after all they were two little girls playing in the park.

    Maggie was a good mother; not aloof like some of the other moms. She was raising Lily on her own and she was determined to get it right. She felt fortunate to have a smart, easygoing daughter, who didn’t cling or whine. On this occasion Lily looked over to her mom as if to say, “Help mommy.”

    Maggie watched closely, knowing she was within arms reach and they were just children. The other little girl’s mother walked up to Maggie and sat beside her. She introduced herself as Kate, her daughter as Flora, and sat beside Maggie. Kate pointed out how nicely the girls were getting along. Maggie thought to herself, I guess she doesn’t see it. Maggie decided to keep her thoughts to herself . . . for a change. Kate spoke to Maggie as if she’d always known her, making Maggie a bit uncomfortable. Minutes into the conversation, Kate suggested a playdate at her house. Maggie reluctantly agreed, she thought it was important not to alienate people. Kate seems nice enough, but still, Maggie’s guard was up.

    Later that evening she was sitting on her sofa with Lilly and Lilly told her that she didn’t want to go to Flora’s house. Lily seemed very uncomfortable and on the verge of tears. Maggie couldn’t just let it go, probing further, Lily finally opened up.

    “Mommy, she told me that I would never be a big girl.”

    “Flora said I was going away soon.”

    I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I thought that Lily might have been imagining things or making it up. Then I recalled witnessing Lily’s discomfort at the playground and further, Lily didn’t make up stories. Maggie knew she’d have to confront Kate; she’d have to deal with this.

    First Maggie assured Lily that she would never have to go to Flora’s house, then she told Lily that she surely would grow up and that she wouldn’t be leaving Hillcrest. The next day Maggie got a friend to watch Lily at home for an hour while she did some chores. Maggie’s first stop was the playground at the park. Fortunately, Kate was there with Flora.

    Maggie walked over to Kate and explained that Lily was with a friend. She asked that Lily and Flora’s playdate be moved to her house instead of Kate’s house because Maggie needed to be home for a delivery. Kate agreed to come over with Flora that Friday. It left Maggie three days.

    Friday morning Kate rapped on the door with Flora by her side. Maggie had already made sure Lily was out of harm’s way, safely with a friend on the other side of town. Maggie’s friend also knew that if she hadn’t heard from Maggie by 11:00 a.m., to call the police.

    Maggie noticed Flora’s eyes were black as coal and she appeared soulless; Kate was harder to read. There was nothing she wouldn’t do to protect her child and she needed to make sure this encounter would soon be a distant memory. Maggie answered the door with a welcoming smile.

    Kate seemed somewhat off-balance; angry and unable to understand Lily’s absence.

    “Lily is where?”

    “Why didn’t you call to let me know Maggie?”

    “Sit down Kate, we need to talk.”

    “I don’t understand, this was supposed to be a playdate for the girls.”

    Kate finally agreed to sit on the sofa and listen to what Maggie had to say. Maggie felt empowered by her motherly instincts.

    “You need to listen closely Kate, because what I have to say is extremely important. I don’t know who you are or where you came from, but I don’t like you or trust you.”

    Kate looked over at her daughter who was about 10 feet away playing with a toy she’d brought along. She was about to say something to Maggie, who quickly let her know that she wasn’t finished.

    “This neighborhood is a safe place for good people with good intentions; clearly you do not belong here. My advice to you, is to pack your bags and go as soon as possible. I’m warning you that in the meantime, if you and Flora go near the park or any of the children in the neighborhood, you will pay a price. I honestly don’t know what you’re up to, but you’ve come to the wrong place. Is there anything unclear about what I’m saying to you.”

    Kate stood up, walked over to Flora and grabbed her hand. She refused to look at Maggie or acknowledge her words. It was at that point Maggie knew she was dealing with pure evil. Kate walked to the front door with Flora and opened it. Kate turned, looked at Maggie and said:

    “You might think you’ve gotten rid of us just because after today you won’t see us in the neighborhood, but trust me, we’re not going away. Flora has her eyes on your Lily. Be careful Maggie, be very careful.”

    They left the door open and walked away from the house, Maggie knew there was only one thing left to do. She was certain that Flora would never go anywhere near her Lily.

    Please provide your email in order to subscribe. Thank you.

    I had some passport issues I had to deal with this week; a trip to the U.S. Embassy in Lisbon, etc. I decided to make the most of it and ended up staying on a houseboat and eating some terrific Mexican food. Despite having an extremely flatulent individual behind me on the bus home, it was a fairly pleasant 24 hours. This was all so I can carry out my much anticipated trip to Poland next week.

    I’m writing this post from Salir, a small town in the Algarvian mountains. Peaceful (no loud motorbikes and/or barking dogs), delicious food, and only 40 minutes from home. I haven’t taken photos because I think I’m overloading my followers with idyllic photos from my travels — probably true for some, not all. Anyway, I’m sensitive to the probability.

    I find U.S. politics extremely unsettling right now. Clearly, other world leaders are exploiting the uncertainty of our elections; killing innocent people in order to expand their own countries and gain more power. I realize voting (yes expats can vote) and waiting for a favorable outcome of our elections, is all I can do.

  • Finding Beauty

    What, Where & How?

    Is there beauty in Everything?

    Beauty, love, meaning, purpose . . . all powerful nouns; all equally deserving of attention and respect. Especially now that I have come to realize the importance of making sense of it all and finding my place in the chaos.

    “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

    Margaret Wolfe Hungerford (née Hamilton) is widely credited with coining the saying in its current form. Feb 1, 2022.

    “The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    Where to Look For Beauty

    It seems to me that searching for beauty in all things needs to become more of a priority for some. That is not to say that one should be looking for beauty in a bowl of cereal or the trash can. I’m referring to the details in nature and the creativity that is produced by people all around us.

    Yesterday I woke up and set a goal for the day. I vowed to be present as much as possible (easier said than done) and look for beauty in at least one person, place, or thing, each hour. I took notes on what I found:

    • As the sun came up and entered my living room, I noticed the silhouettes of the trees dancing on my dining room wall; trees growing on my street.
    • I saw an amazing red bird I have never seen before on the way to the gym (not great with bird names, I should have uploaded a bird app).
    • On my way to the grocery store I noticed a woman sitting with a child on a bench. The child put her head in the woman´s lap and the woman smiled.
    • I noticed the ugly trash cans which hang on posts on our streets have been replaced with cleaner, more attractive receptacles.
    • During the day I looked directly at Paco´s eyes and noticed a green I had not seen before.
    • I noticed a color in my sofa; it’s a sky blue that makes the colors around it bolder.
    • My favorite beautiful thing is the lemon tree below. It’s in a public place, so you can just pick lemons when you need them and I do. They are absolutely perfect.

    Just a few of the beautiful things I noticed in the mundane as my day progressed. It felt as if each time the idea of beauty entered my consciousness, I became a bit happier and more grateful. It seems so hokey when I put it in writing, but it’s the small things that add up to a more enlightened state of mind.

    No chemical substances were involved in the aforementioned discoveries.

    Does it Matter Who Else Sees it?

    When I hang a piece of artwork in my apartment, there are several thoughts running through my mind: First, I need to get this done so I can eat something, second, am I hanging it properly, and lastly will people who come to my apartment like it? My only concern should be whether or not I like it, full stop.

    The question should be: who else needs to see it? I might feel differently if I were selling something I created.

    If I am going to be honest, when I choose finishes for my apartment, I want people to think they are as beautiful as I think they are. I need validation. The same is true if I buy a watch I think is beautiful. Perhaps we all need that validation?

    How Does Beauty Enhance Your Life

    I can only speak for myself when I say that I cannot imagine my life without beauty; beautiful art, beautiful people, beautiful minds, and beautiful things, to name a few. I’m not sure that everyone can see and appreciate beauty; therefore, I don’t take it for granted.

    The photograph above: I looked at this photograph for an entire week; this is the beauty I see: I see a moment of life, life in a different part of the world, people going places, and the beauty of a day as it unfolds.

    Any thoughts on beauty?

    Insert your email address and hit subscribe to receive my blogs when published.

    Future Travel

    An Iceland cruise by way of Northern Europe in May; Oslo, Norway with Paco for all of July (with visits from friends throughout the month), Krakow, Poland in October, and a much anticipated trip to the Puglia region of Italy in April 2025. Booked a Greece/Turkey/Egypt cruise for fall 2025. The United States in the late fall/early winter of 2025: Brooklyn, Florida, Portland, Maine, Maryland, and North Carolina.

    State-of-Mind

    It was great to get away for a local weekend respite. I cut it short by a few hours because I was missing Paco quite a bit. I’m enjoying the food & wine I brought back from Spain. It’s close by in distance, but Spain’s ingredients and food sources can be vastly different. For me, variety is everything.

    “No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.” ~ Oscar Wilde

    Once again please forgive any grammatical and/or typographical errors

  • A Morning Person

    Revisited with updates. Done on my tablet, so it may be wonky.

    Paco taking in the morning sun on the terrace
    A foggy morning

    Early morning defined:  the hours between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. (lately 4:30 a.m. even early by my standards).

    I have been a morning person my entire life. My mom always reminded me that I would wake the entire household when I got out of bed. I don’t get out of bed at 5:15 a.m. because I have to; I wake-up early because I choose to. I haven’t used an alarm clock for 40 years (unless I have a 6:00 a.m. flight). Here are just ten reasons I love the early morning:

    1. It may just be the quietest time of the day. Night owls have finally gone to bed.
    2. You can watch the sun come up. For me the morning represents hope, change and a boat load of energy.
    3. That first cup of coffee. I drank decaf for years; it’s never been about the caffeine.
    4. It’s when my energy level is at its highest and I’ve tested this.
    5. I feel like I own the world (sort of grandiose I know).
    6. I feel like I can do just about anything.
    7. I’m usually the first to get to wherever I’m going.
    8. By the time I get to the gym — usually empty in the morning, I am fully awake.
    9. No one calls me before Noon because of the time difference between Europe and the U.S.
    10. “The early bird catches the worm!”

    Knowing When You Are Most Productive

    For the most part (there are exceptions), I wake up fully energized in the morning. I have a mental ‘to do’ list and I’m eager to start checking off the boxes. I know that by a certain point during the day, my energy level will begin to wane. I discovered my peak period during my freshman year in college. I was forced to register for a couple of 8:00 a.m. classes because they were the only classes with spots left by the time the juniors and seniors registered. Not sure how it’s done these days; back then Freshman got whatever scraps were left. Did not matter much to me, the courses I liked were not the popular choices (e.g., wellness, sociology, African-American studies).

    I often found myself sitting in a nearly empty classroom. Most of the students who had enrolled, could not get their asses out of bed. I would arrive early, eager to learn — haters, stop hating. My instructors were often impressed with my attentive behavior and I was usually rewarded for it. My Pavlovian inclinations and ‘aim to please’ character traits were a recipe for success. You have to become aware of your assets; mine were always charm and being upbeat. I’m not ashamed to admit any of this. It was never about superior intelligence; lucky for me common sense and ambition were appreciated (and rewarded).

    Throughout my college career, I continued to take morning classes, followed by library time and mental exercise (leisure reading, etc.). Whenever I started to get sluggish, usually after lunch, I would go to the gym to recharge my battery. Fortunately, I had a part-time job that required me to work early evenings. I was reliable and dependable and I sucked up to authority. Say what you will, but my debt was minimal and for the most part, I was allowed to study at work.

    The Advantages of Getting There Before Anyone Else

    Markets:  Food markets usually get started early; often by 8:00 a.m. When you arrive early you get first pick of all the fresh food. Depending on how you get there, the earlier you arrive, the more parking there will be.

    Government Offices:  Being one of the first to arrive at a government office has several advantages. I usually take a good book and try to get there an hour before they open. Government staff are dealing with some crazy stuff and the later you get there, the more agitated they are — not always the case, however, in my experience . . .

    Doctor’s Offices:  Doctors get backed up. Sometimes appointments are scheduled every 15 minutes. If the first person takes 30 minutes, everything gets thrown-off and it only gets worse as the day goes by. I always ask for the first appointment if I can get it. Even if it means I have to delay seeing the doctor for a few days, it’s usually worth it.

    Early Flights and Tourist Destinations:  Earlier flights have a better on-time record. As the day goes on delays can pile up and cause travel nightmares. If you’re going to a tourist destination, people with small children usually arrive a lot later because kids take some time to get ready in the morning. Get there early and you’ll surely have a more peaceful experience. I love kids. Did I tell you that I love kids?

    The Road: Getting on the road early will save you lots of time and aggravation. I think traffic is on my top three list of things I hate most. I have always done everything I could possibly do to avoid it.

    Bakery:  Baked goods right out of the oven are worth getting up early for . . . enough said.

    Early Morning Sex:  You have more energy and you can see your partner in natural light. Don’t laugh; it’s true. A distant memory I’m afraid.

    Write me if you think of others.

    A good piece on early morning productivity (click).

    You May Have to Put Your Phone On ‘Do Not Disturb’

    Most of my friends and family know that I’m in bed by 9:00 p.m. — at times, much to their dismay. But because they’re human, they forget, and I occasionally get a text or telephone call that gets me out of bed. On nights when I need a solid seven hours, I put my phone on ‘do not disturb.’ There is a small part of me that feels guilty about this, however, there isn’t enough guilt to stop me from doing it. I do this every night now.

    Disadvantages

    When there is an upside, you can be certain that there will be a downside. The following are several issues related to being an early riser:

    1. Most of the people in my life (nearly all in fact) are not morning people. You know who you are. You like to stay up late watching television/Netflix or reading or being out on the town or passing the hours waiting to be sleepy enough to hit the sack. There was a time in my life when saying goodnight to these folks was embarrassing for me. I would sheepishly walk toward the bedroom and feel guilty for calling it a night. That’s a thing of the past; however, I do sometimes go to bed and miss a really good conversation and/or a bit of juicy gossip. The wine flows and the guard comes down and I’m already two hours into la la land.
    2. There are genuinely times when I would like to go out dancing. Most dance clubs don’t get going until way past midnight. Staying up that late is very difficult for me. I force myself to do it occasionally because I believe being a social animal is important for my relationships and potential dating life. It’s way too easy to crawl under a comfy blanket. Especially after discovering Portuguese cotton; life changing, trust me. A disco nap (you may not know the term if you’re less than 40). The night out dancing is also a distant memory.
    3. People do get annoyed with you when you say you’d like to have dinner by 7:00 p.m. The problem with retiring early, is that if you eat too late, the food just sits in your stomach and can be disruptive to sleep. Again, most of my friends put up with me. I like giving dinner parties; this way I get to decide when dinner is served.
    4. Speaking of dinner parties . . . I am so glad that I do not live in Japan. In Japan, if you host dinner guests, you cannot call it a night while said guests are enjoying your hospitality. When your guests decide to go home, then and only then, can you say goodnight. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked my guests to leave my apartment. In fact, when I host guests overnight, I almost always go to bed long before they do.
    5. When I am an overnight guest in someone’s home, I do not hesitate to ask them to grind their coffee beans and set up their coffee maker before they go to bed. Conversely, when I have guests, I grind my beans the night before so that I do not wake them at 5:00 a.m. — it’s the little things that differentiate one from other hosts; good hospitality means letting your guests sleep-in.
    6. No matter what time I go to bed, I usually wake up at the same time every morning. It’s not a good thing, but I’ve learned that there isn’t much I can do about it.
    7. It’s not good for dating.
    8. If you like award shows, you’re screwed.

    You’re not a morning person, but you’d like to be? I know people who have successfully made the change. For the rest of you, stay who are and keep the morning quiet for me.

    Future Travel

    It’s a ways off, Basel, Switzerland in September. Big Asia trip September/October — five countries in three weeks; land and sea. South Africa February 2024 and back to Oslo next July. Travel light diet these days; not baggage, time away.

    Current State of Mind

    I am currently in Oban, Scotland. It’s been a truly wonderful trip (home tomorrow). Spent time with friends, enjoyed nature, saw lots of castles, ate well (when do I not eat well). It’s been a time of reflection and peace of mind. I’ve realized who my true friends are and what is important now. The essence of life is gratitude and enjoying the moment, for all that I have, I am grateful.

    A friend sent me this photo recently. I don’t recall which friend or where he, she or they took it. I tried to add a photo of my current view, but alas, it won’t work, so you’ll have to settle for this. The sender will come to me at 2:00 a.m. (for sure).

  • My Baby Sister

    My sister Debbie 2nd to last on the right

    I consider myself quite the fortunate one in many ways, but I got especially lucky when my baby sister Debbie came into the world.

    Debbie at a year old, I was two

    If you currently do not have a baby sister, I suggest you go and find one.

    Debs as I affectionately call her, was born one year and 10 days after me. I can’t say I remember the day she was brought home, but I know for certain I was happy. I had two older sisters who were taking good care of me, but I needed a playmate and Debs fit the bill. I know most brothers and sisters have a unique bond, however, what made ours different was the hostile environment we were raised in and how we supported one another . . . and still do. Having one another as an anchor has served us well throughout our lives.

    As a toddler, I enjoyed dolls and cooktop toys more than baseballs and bats; Debs had no problem sharing. She was easy going and doughy eyed. I think the thumb sucking calmed her down. She was teased a lot for it, especially by our mom. That part still makes me angry.

    Our elementary school classrooms were next to one another for several years. I witnessed her teacher verbally abusing her and I told my mom about it. My mother was a lot of things I did not appreciate, but she was fiercely protective of her children. She went down to the school and reported the teacher and had my sister’s classroom changed. I was proud of her for that.

    We were so close growing up that people would mistake us for fraternal twins. As her older brother, it was my responsibility to keep the boys away. Debs never resented me for it; she knew I wanted the best for her. She was shy during her teenage years and sensitive about all things personal. I loved the way she looked up to me.

    I was in a very bad car accident when I was 18 years old. When my mom brought me home from hospital, Debbie walked into the house, saw me and wept hysterically. I believe she was imagining what it might have been like if she’d lost me. I sometimes wake up in a bad state from nightmares where something terrible happens to her; I guess we have similar fears of loss. Allow me to stress the happy times.

    When she met her husband Lynn, she struck gold. The guy (pictured with sunglasses below) is a gosh darned saint. Together they had two beautiful children: Nicole and James. They’ve been nurturing and loving parents and they have always included Uncle Chris in all of their kids’ milestones. Nicole now has twins, Stella and Ben, and it’s been a joy to watch them grow. As a gay single man, having a family that I consider my own, is a true gift. It’s been fun observing my sister with her grandchildren; she’s affectionate and sweet. And her best quality, she’s always laughing.

    Debbie, Lynn and my nephew James are very close. James is a career officer in the Air Force. James is also a talented musician; I suspect this is where his passion lies. Being an uncle is a privileged position in a family. It allows you to experience all the good bits without the inner family drama. I love my sister and her family dearly; however, this is often drama. My guess is that all of the trials and tribulations and relationship dynamics, add up to a very deep bond. As an outsider, that’s the part I don’t get to be a part of. That reality has it’s upside.

    One Beautiful Memory

    Debbie had just given birth to Nicole. It was her first and the whole family was excited. I had returned home from University to meet my new niece. I walked into my mother’s house and Debbie handed Nicole to me without saying a word. She was only days old and wrapped in a snuggly blanket. I brought her into another room to privately marvel at her beauty. I thought, this magnificent child is a part of me and she will be until I die. I must have had some insight into the roles Nicole and James would play in my life; how family is the most important thing we have and how the intimacy of family is everything.

    [Subscribing is free folks! And not all of my blogs are sappy.]

    Debbie and her husband Lynn came to see me in Portugal a few months ago; we had a blast. Appropriate “spicy” sign to her left.

    _________________________________________________________

    Upcoming Travel

    Fort Lauderdale (Deerfield Beach) next week, then Nantes and Pornic, France, Liverpool, England, and Marseilles — Nantes and Pornic are happening on the same trip, over a four day period. Other holidays planned later in the year. Biggest trip of 2023 will be Dubai, Singapore, Vietnam, Thailand, and Hong Kong — end of October to mid-November.

  • The Four Year Mark

    In Faro, Portugal

    [Pics from home and travel]

    The Past, Present & Future

    Much of the blog below was written at my one year milestone in Portugal. I thought after three years, a pandemic, a great deal of reflection, and trips to many places, I should provide new insights.

    A Brief Overview (I’ll note updates)

    I have pondered living outside of the United States my entire adult life. Until a couple of years ago, the opportunity had not presented itself. I moved to Maine, but it never felt like the right fit. When I’m unhappy I usually consider something I might do to change things up; leaving the country was my best option. I love America and will never give-up my citizenship. You just never know what the future has in store for you. Update: If anything, my decision to keep my U.S. citizenship is even stronger, without any doubt.

    The Highs

    I think the best part of leaving the States has been the ability to gain some perspective. A big move, such as the one I made, forces you to take inventory of your life. I left most of my material belongings behind. I didn’t put my things in storage, I got rid of them. I brought five suitcases full of memories I did not want to part with and clothing I hoped would fit for a long time. The purging of most of my material belongings was a good exercise for me. It made me realize that I can live without so much of what I have accumulated. It was also nice to start fresh. Update: I’ve always enjoyed buying new clothing as the seasons changed and my wardrobe wore out; not sure why, but when I left the U.S. I imagined myself wearing the same thing and buying very few new articles of clothing. After a short period of time I started feeling better about myself and I decided it would be good to wear comfortable, but stylish clothing. I came to Portugal and I found a style that I’m completely comfortable with: casual, smart and mostly cotton. The warmer climate is perfect for cotton fabric and I find the brighter colors and comfortable fit perfect for travel and local outings.

    Having my little Paco (see photo above) in my life has been a wonderful and pleasant surprise. Giorgio is forever in my heart and I am forever grateful that he got me to Portugal and stayed with me until I was all tucked in.

    The people in Portugal are gracious and welcoming. I have never felt like an outsider. I had dinner in a restaurant last week and when the owner learned that I was living in Faro, she gave me her cell number and said that I should call her if I ever needed anything. That’s just one example of the reception I have received. Update: I only went back to that restaurant once. I loved the coconut milk Thai soup and they took it off the menu — damn! It’s still true that Portuguese people are by and large, gracious and warm. I’ve made several close Portuguese friends (Swedish, British, Canadian, Brazilian, French, and German as well).

    Taxes on property are much lower in Portugal. Condo maintenance is one-fourth the cost in Maine and one-tenth of what I paid in New York. Groceries are about 30% less. Insurance costs are a lot lower. There are bargain airlines that allow you to fly for less than 30 euros each way (if you carry a small bag onto the plane — I’ve learned how to pack more efficiently). Sometimes I wonder why things cost so much more in the States.

    I know this is odd, but I had no idea that I would be only a little over two hours away from Seville, Spain and that it was an easy bus ride. It’s been a huge bonus to take two or three-day trips to one of my favorite cities. I love everything about Seville. Spanish culture is very different from Portuguese culture and there’s a whole lot to discover. Update: I actually spend a lot of time in Monte Gordo/Vila Real de Santo Antonio (VRSO)on the Portuguese side of the Spanish border. From there I can take a quick ferry over to Ayamonte, Spain. It’s about an hour by train, very reasonable, and a nice, easy respite. I have also been able to see parts of Spain I had not visited when I travelled with Alejandro.

    The weather in the Algarve is amazing all year-round. With an average 300 days of sunshine, no humidity most of the year, and the temperature never dipping below 45 degrees, I have to say it’s hard to beat. There is often a beautiful breeze in Faro during the summer months because of where we are on the south side of the Atlantic. The beautiful and diverse beaches here are also more than I could have hoped for. Update: I rarely go to the beach, but it sure is nice to have it nearby. My skin doesn’t like the sun anymore.

    The Little things that make a big difference:

    • Because there is very little humidity here, things like sponges and clothes never get that damp, musty odor.
    • No snow . . . ever! I loved snow until I couldn’t ski anymore (knee issues).
    • The Portuguese government has regulations prohibiting the use of pesticides in farming, no hormones, no food additives, etc. Eggs are bright orange and delicious and do not have to be labeled organic — all food is grown naturally.
    • Very little crime. I feel very safe. Update: a bit more since COVID.
    • Public transportation is cheap and efficient. City buses are less than a euro a ride and run frequently. Going outside the city is also easy and only a few euros. Buses and trains are never overcrowded. Not owning a car has been freeing and has saved me a good deal of money. My commitment to lessen my carbon footprint has been rewarding. It took me a while to figure out the system, but once I did, it was fairly easy. Update: I take the train rather than fly when possible. It’s that balance between doing what you love and doing what’s right.
    • Because we have an abundance of sunshine and great weather, I can cycle all year-round.
    • I have discovered many European healthcare products that are inexpensive and work well (i.e., face cream, toothpaste, pimple cream). I have a French grocery store a few blocks away and a fresh food market right above it. The outdoor farmer’s market travels from town to town and it’s in Faro on Sundays.
    • Labor is inexpensive. I have been able to do some very nice renovations to my apartment that did not cost me a fortune (i.e., french doors in my kitchen, tile work, painting).
    • Furniture is well-made here.
    • Update: Restaurants are increasing in number and quality in Faro. More ethnic food and close to home.
    • Incredible new friends
    • I love my gym and I try to get there six days a week. Annual membership, 245 Euros!
    • I have joined a croquet club: The Pink Flamingos. I usually play on Wednesdays; sometimes on Sunday as well. I also play Mah Jongg on Fridays and Mexican Train on occasion on Tuesday. My official retirement schedule and activities. I do all of this outside of a retirement community.

    The Lows

    Losing Giorgio to heart disease has been the worst thing that has happened in Portugal thus far. In truth, he would have had to be put down in the U.S. at some point; however, knowing that the climate change adversely affected his heart, made his death more difficult. The wide sidewalks were great because I could walk him without a leash. He loved our new home (parks and beaches) and that gives me great comfort.

    I indeed miss my friends and family and that can be tough at times. I fortunately chose a place people want to visit and so, I’ve had more friends and family come to see me than I ever anticipated. It’s been quite a treat to show the people I love, my new home.

    I’ve gained some weight and I’m not happy about that. Delicious pastries are everywhere and they’re so cheap. I think the novelty will soon wear off; either that or I’ll get tired of buying new pants. I’ve always had to work hard to keep the weight off, but aging makes this even more difficult. Update: I’ve been the same weight for a few years now. I keep active and I have accepted the fact that I will always be a bit overweight. I refuse to give up the food and drink that bring me happiness. All things in moderation.

    Also, I hate my condo association and I will not go into why.

    Flying back to the States is expensive. Currently, airfare back to the U.S. is 900 euros during the high season, April to July. I won’t be returning very often. There are bargain fares; however, you have to accept long layovers and not-so-great airlines. I like TAP — Air Portugal.

    Update: A Canadian airline has a new route to Toronto from Faro. I will not recommend them until I’ve tried them. It looks like I can get there and back for 650 Euros. I’ll probably fly to a U.S. city from Toronto. I hate flying into Newark, JFK or Miami.

    Did I Make the Right Choice?

    There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I chose the right country at the right time. Portugal is becoming more attractive to expats because real estate prices are reasonable; however, in the year since I purchased my condo, the value has risen by 20 percent. It will soon be just as expensive as everywhere else. I saw this happening with Spain 20 years ago. More importantly, I love it here. I love the people, I love the food, I love the weather, the quality of life, my location in Faro, my healthcare, and I love how it all makes me feel. I’ve mentioned this before, but I am 45 minutes to Spain by car and I can fly or take a train to several other European countries very easily. The time difference in other countries is only an hour or two and that’s manageable.

    Update: I believe that I found my place.

    Access to Travel

    Faro is not a very large city; however, it is the capital of the Algarve and the airport is a fairly large hub. Multiple airlines fly direct to many cities throughout Europe. The rail system in Europe is also quite extensive and efficient. I can see the world more easily from my new home. I know that as I get older I will want to stay closer to home where I get to enjoy all the creature comforts. I sleep better in my own bed than anywhere else. Still I know it’s best to travel as much as possible; while I still can. Update: I have fully embraced the notion that I will someday (soon) be an old fuddy duddy that likes to stay home.

    From Original Blog. Photos:  I took these photos in Sagres, Portugal, a couple of days ago. Sagres is the furthest south and west you can go on the Iberian continent. It’s difficult to capture how truly peaceful and spectacular this part of the world is. It was an easy two and a half hour drive from my home. Update: I’ve returned numerous times. I have also fallen in love with Alvor (off-season).

    Sagres Guide

    IMG_3319.jpg
    IMG_3320.jpg
    c97fdca8-bc50-4540-8e14-a599072a677e

    What Lies Ahead?

    The best is yet to come . . .

    I have decided to stop thinking long-term. I am open to possibilities I might not have ever considered before. I have two big trips coming up in 2019. After I return, perhaps a rescue dog? A pet would probably force me to stay put for a while, but that’s not a bad thing. I’m going to go the organic route on this decision and see where the future takes me. Getting older means aches and pains I did not anticipate and other small medical issues that I have to be dealt with. Staying on top of these things is important for long-term good health. When you get older, health becomes a priority. Update: all remains true. I did rescue Paco and I’m still “fairly” healthy. I thought I’d stop planning way ahead, however, I’ve given up trying, it’s what I do.

    “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
    ― Soren Kierkegaard

    “I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.”
    ― Beryl Markham, West with the Night

    “We don’t have to be defined by the things we did or didn’t do in our past. Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret. Maybe it’s a regret, maybe it’s not. It’s merely something that happened. Get over it.”
    ― Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

    Liverpool at the end of this coming week. Other travel will be mentioned in my Liverpool post. I’ve cancelled Asia in 2023. Due to COVID-19, there are too many considerations and changes to worry about. It will happen someday. The long flight to and from Cuba did me in, keeping me closer to Europe for a while.