Tag: books

  • Problem Child, Complicated Adult

    Stevie was never easy. When he was only three weeks old he refused to eat and had to be fed intravenously, at 24 months he decided he would no longer speak, and at 17, he packed a bag and left home without saying a word to anyone. The only reason his parents knew he was alive was his continued presence on social media. Stevie was troubled, he caused trouble for everyone around him, and he got into trouble with the law without much effort to avoid it.

    Anyone who is a parent knows that parenting is not easy; never has been, never will be. Mistakes are made and small victories are celebrated. But what to do about a deviant child; that’s a nearly impossible problem to navigate. Many give-up.

    Stevie’s mother, Lee Anne, was tired of hearing about gun violence, drug related tragedies, and the consequence of street gangs, on the news. She didn’t know exactly what Stevie was involved with, but her instincts told her it was criminal and potentially dangerous. His father Carl was less concerned. Carl was too busy with work and basketball, to be bothered. When Lee Anne tried to talk to Carl about Stevie, he tuned her out. It wasn’t that Carl didn’t care, he just didn’t have the right tools to deal with Stevie.

    It seemed at times that there was hope for their son. There was this one time when he volunteered for an animal rescue shelter. He went to the shelter after school for weeks. Stevie was focused on the animals, finding them a home and their overall happiness. But even that became a problem when he tried to prevent the shelter from euthanizing some of the older, unadopted animals. The shelter had to ban him from volunteering there; it destroyed Stevie.

    When Stevie decided he’d plan and execute a break-in at the Brooklyn Federal courthouse, he knew it would eventually land him in prison. His moral compass prevented that eventuality from deterring him. He knew in his heart that he wasn’t a hero, that he could never take the moral high ground, but there were things that truly got under his skin.

    Stevie was watching the news one day while hiding from the world. He’d seen where this federal judge was deliberately misleading the jury in a tax evasion case. It was really getting under his skin because the defense lawyer, who was court appointed, was ignoring or not calling attention to the judge’s obvious obstruction of justice. The prosecutors were often tongue tied and bewildered. Something had to be done.

    Of course Stevie knew that breaking into Judge Lindell’s chambers wasn’t the smartest thing to do. He’d done similar deeds in the past and hadn’t gotten caught, making him feel emboldened. The problem being, that the more he got away with, the more righteous he became. Stevie convinced himself he could do this, so stopping him would have been impossible. A above the law, assisting the law.

    Friday afternoon at 5:45 p.m. when the courts were set to close, Stevie put his plan into action. He walked into the security area carrying an Uber Eats bag. He knew security would be lax so close to weekend recess. He also knew that they probably wouldn’t bother to check with the clerk; he’d witnessed several late deliveries that went unchecked on days he was observing. He wore a very convincing wig, eyeglasses, and a baseball cap. He looked like every other male delivery person. He scribbled a signature and he was quickly ushered in. He silently laughed about how easy it was to enter the halls of justice.

    Judge Lindell’s secretary was not at her desk, her computer had been shut down. He opened the Judge’s Chambers knowing for certain that the judge had already left for the day. Security was aware of the back door exits. He was hoping the old school judge kept paper files; he wanted to take what he needed and head for home. A pile of folders on Judge Lindell’s desk were neat and in alphabetical order; his secretary was clearly tidy. There it was, Kenneth Jackson’s file right in the middle of the pile. He quickly sorted through the file and noticed ten pages clipped together, marked “omit for trial.” He was disgusted by the judge’s blatant breaking of the law. Stevie photographed the pages and closed the file. Not being able to help himself, he attached a post-it note, reading, “Your honor is cooked!”

    Stevie could barely sleep a wink, he was excited to expose the corruption. He woke early and went straight to the Fedex office to send what he had found to the district attorney. He was certain that even if the DA was in on the corruption, he’d be forced to take action because the evidence was out there and would eventually be leaked to the press. A note Stevie attached to the evidence, made it clear that unless the judge’s cover-up was brought to light, there would be further consequences. The very next day, the New York Times reported on a Grand Jury that would be hearing the case against the judge. There was to be a quick indictment and a new judge appointed to the Jackson case.

    Stevie got to have four days of glory before the police came calling. He was arrested on two counts of illegal entry to a federal office building, and eight counts of the theft of state’s evidence. Stevie’s parents were made aware of his arrest and crimes. A family attorney was hired to represent Stevie. Carl and LeeAnne were of course upset about Stevie’s actions, but they were also proud of their son. They hoped for leniency due to the nature of Stevie’s case. They assured Stevie that once released, they would help him in whatever ways they could. Now that they knew that their son was “on the right side,” their support would be unwavering.

    After pleading guilty, Stevie was given a light sentence of six months, four of which he had already served while awaiting judgment. The mayor of New York was made aware of the case and decided to put Stevie in charge of a corruption task force. That office went on to bring hundreds of cases to trial, with equal numbers of individuals exposed and brought to justice.

    Carl and LeeAnne Page, who never gave up on their son Stevie, created a foundation designed to help young people who may be morally and ethically inclined to justice, direct their energy in a way that would help them change the world.

    Young man wearing headphones sitting on a train, looking out a window with raindrops and countryside view.

    This piece is fiction

    State-of-Mind

    First, thank you to everyone who reached out to me after losing Paco. There have been some really bad days and some upbeat moments. Those of you who have lost a pet will understand.

    I’m not so fond of extreme heat. I feel fortunate to live in the Algarve where we often have a nice breeze off of the Atlantic ocean.

    Loss can help you put things in perspective. I feel like I’m finally beginning to focus on the things that matter.

    I am admittedly hyper focused on managing different aspects of my life. If something is broken, I work hard to figure out a way to fix it. One of the many things coming up for me as I grieve Paco’s loss, is that he had a medical issue and I could not fix it. I was frustrated, angry, and l lived with the inability to correct a problem I was certain could be eventually solved. Aside from the infection Paco was living with, he was fairly healthy. I was hellbent on killing that bacteria. In the end I failed. That failure has been more difficult to cope with than I imagined. How is it that the medical world has allowed many antibiotics to become ineffective? Do people realize that there are strains of bacteria that are killing us? I don’t think humankind understands the weight and scope of this problem.

    I know my writing is weak on this one. I haven’t gotten to a positive, creative place. Time and patience.

    “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes… and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” — Jamie Anderson

  • Night Sweats, Memory Loss & Sterility

    She sits by herself, trying as hard as she can to blend in with the locals. This isn’t the first time she’s escaped her home town; running from demons and ex-lovers. Samantha or Sammy as her friends call her, is often filled with remorse. She doesn’t intentionally cause harm, but when she does it, she leaves a wake of doubt about ethics. When people talk about her, and they do talk about her, it’s always a singular theme that makes her a villain; she’s intelligent, perhaps too much so.

    This time Sammy left in a hurry. She was fleeing a past no one would understand. Evan was not to blame. It’s true he was a Greek god with an ego to match his perfect jawline, but he was flawed and Sammy knew it. She’d warned him to stay away, let her move on and forget him. But Evan didn’t listen and he didn’t care; Evan had two goals: the first was to bed Sammy and the second was to hold her up like a trophy. The latter would be impossible, the former more complicated. Sammy didn’t give-in to good looks and promises; her desire for a conversation that went beyond money and small talk, made Evan seem petty. In fact so much so, that he faded into a background of discarded has-bins.

    Here she sat, alone; questioning her choices and her future, but not her mind. She knew she’d find a way out. It wasn’t the law she was running from, it was her mother. Sammy’s mother Felicia was beautiful, quiet, and dangerous. At first meeting you would never suspect how horribly driven this woman was. And Sammy always covered for her; making excuses, being her alibi, and hiding her secrets. Felicia was a brilliant surgeon. Top of her class at Johns Hopkins Medical School and one of Duke University Hospital’s leading researchers. Felicia’s singular goal was to perform as many vasectomies as possible.

    That lofty goal in and of itself wasn’t so bad, it was her desire to perform the procedure without the men knowing it. Sammy was her enabler; hiding the truth became more difficult as each procedure was performed. Choosing her victims was easy, anaesthetizing her victims was easy, performing the surgery was easy — relocating the sleeping men to their beds with no memory of the situation wasn’t so easy. Securing propofol was the difficult part; ensuring the scumbags could land in the twilight zone having no memory of how they got from the couch in Sammy’s apartment to their own bed. And the pain, what was that pain? And what brought it on?

    Felicia had an impeccable reputation — never botched a surgery; no malpractice lawsuits. Sammy knew what her mother was doing was wrong, but Felicia was convincing. Having the satisfaction of knowing these lowlife men would never sire children was incredibly satisfying for both of them.

    The fear of getting caught was a constant. Would they snip the wrong guy? Sammy didn’t like living on the edge. Barbados was only a temporary refuge. Lately, there were two men her mother had her eyes on and Sammy wasn’t certain she was right about them. There were only two character flaws Felicia regarded as criteria. The first was a man who lies, and the second was a man who wouldn’t go near a child. She relied on Sammy for information and a steady supply of unknowing victims. Perhaps it’s unfair to call them victims, patients is a better description. Patients being treated for the betterment of society. The two knew they were only making a small dent, but each contribution to a better future made it worthwhile.

    Thus far, no one had suspected Sammy. Yes, there had been phone calls about some pain and discomfort, but Sammy made it clear that one she had no idea what might have happened to their private parts, and two, she assured them that when she’d last seen them, they seemed fine. Most were too embarrassed to even say something. The men did sense that there was something off about her, making a second date improbable.

    About a year ago, one guy did contact Sammy a few weeks after their first date. He’d said he wasn’t well, explaining that this was the reason he hadn’t been in touch. Sammy told him that too much time had passed and she was no longer interested in seeing him. She always tried to teach them a lesson, as she let them down.

    It wasn’t that she and her mother hated men, mind you; they felt strongly that bringing children into the world is a privilege that should only be extended to those deserving of such.

    A week in Barbados helped Sammy clear her head. She decided to tell her mother that their mission was becoming too dangerous; therefore, it needed to stop. Felicia would, at the very least, be disappointed.

    After flying home to North Carolina, Sammy asked her mother to come and see her at her apartment. Felicia agreed to stop by the following day. Sammy felt resolute about her decision. She hoped her mother would be agreeable. To her surprise, Felicia was angry and argumentative. She threatened to find someone else who would help her. Felicia shared that she was hoping to train other women and surgeons to further the cause. She left Sammy in tears; not saying goodbye and slamming the door.

    Sammy decided to allow a few days to pass before she contacted her mother. Unfortunately for the two of them, the law made the decision for them. Their last patient woke up remembering being dragged by the two women. He went to his doctor and explained the pain he was feeling in his groin area and learned that he had undergone a vasectomy without his consent or knowledge. He contacted the police and the police leaked it to the media.

    Most lauded the two women as heroes. It is estimated that mother and daughter had performed 36 vasectomies in Raleigh and several others in neighboring cities. Felicia lost her medical license. Although they are awaiting trial, few expect them to serve jail time; after all, most of the men did not wish to press charges and nobody died.

    Fiction folks, fiction. The photo is as far as I’ll go with AI.

    State of Mind

    The Supreme Court ruling on Trump’s tariffs provided some hope this past week. It seems like all we have are these small victories for now.

    Paco is finally doing well. There are no signs of the bacterial infection and he is finally off of the antibiotics. This has been an 11 month battle I’m hoping never to fight again.


    The beautiful spring came; and when Nature resumes her loveliness, the human soul is apt to revive also.

    Harriet Ann Jacobs

    I hope you like the new design; change is good.

  • Redemption From Beyond III

    Last Chapter of a Three Part Novella

    It was no longer about what Steven had asked of him, it was much bigger than that. Jake was more driven, less concerned with what others thought of him. He was beginning to feel more alive, more empathetic, more like himself. He noticed his interaction with others was becoming fluid and genuine. What had brought this about he’d wondered.

    When he left Esther’s house, he was feeling euphoric. The look on the old woman’s face was imprinted in his memory. In the car, on the way back to Berlin, he called Eric at Arolsen to let him know what happened in Rüdesheim. He felt that he could trust Eric at this point and share everything, but before he could tell Eric the details of what took place, Eric asked him to meet him for dinner.

    “Jake, this is exciting news, can you tell me all about it over dinner tonight?”

    Jake was pleased to be able to ask Eric for another favor in person. He could probably do some research on Rachel’s child himself, but Eric had been such a big help and he seemed eager to do whatever he could for Jake. Jake was grateful for Eric’s invitation. He thought to himself, what a great guy that Eric is.

    They met at a very nice Thai restaurant close to Jake’s hotel. Eric was probably the most soft spoken man that Jake had ever met. He realized only moments after Eric arrived, that he was both nervous and excited; feelings about another man he had not had for a very long time. And then Eric said this:

    “Jake, I hope you don’t mind my inviting you to dinner. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we last met. I’m usually not this forward, but then, I’m usually not this smitten.”

    Jake felt himself blushing. He did not hesitate to let Eric know that the feeling was mutual. He proceeded to fill in the Esther Roseman story with more detail. He watched Eric’s smile grow broader with every word — together they shared a moment of absolute satisfaction.

    Eric knew this dinner was not just to spend time with Jake, although he was happy to do just that. He asked Jake what it was he wanted to speak to him about.

    “I was able to find out that Rachel Schwartz was moved to one of the other camps, but also that she was pregnant when she left Auschwitz . I know this won’t be easy, but I was hoping you could help me find out if her child is still alive. Also, if he or she is living, where they currently reside. I’d like to find the rightful owner of Rachel’s ring.”

    There was no question in Eric’s mind that although he’d need to do quite a bit of digging, he’d eventually find one of Rachel’s relatives. The rest of the evening would be all about getting to know one another, indeed they did just that.

    Eric dove into the files the very next day. There were so many Rachel Schwartz’s listed in the database, but he had an approximate age, her pregnancy, and hopefully a record of her having given birth. He combed over the files from each camp for hours. Finally it was at Bergen-Belsen in Northern Germany where he finally got somewhere. Rachel Schwartz was recorded as deceased, however, she left behind a baby boy named Ian, with the same last name. Unfortunately, Ian’s whereabouts were unrecorded. Hmm, another common Jewish name, but he had an approximate age and a possible location. Ian was hopefully still in Bergen-Belsen when the war ended.

    Eric discovered that anyone who remained alive at Bergen-Belsen, was put on a train to be processed in Berlin. He’d go through those records in the morning. He phoned Jake to let him know that he had made some progress, but that Jake shouldn’t get his hopes up. Jake was happy to hear Eric’s voice; this time it was Jake who asked Eric to dinner. Eric happily accepted. The two were enjoying getting to know one another.

    When he got back to his hotel, Jake called his friend Ashley in New York and told her he’d met someone in Germany. Ashley could only say,

    “Well it’s about fucking time.”

    Dinner was even better than the night before. Jake surprised himself by not thinking about little things that bothered him. By now there were usually red flags and petty considerations; Jake had a huge crush. Eric didn’t want Jake to leave Berlin, but he also knew it wouldn’t be fair to prolong the inevitable.

    The next morning he sat down with his laptop and found Rachel’s son — Ian Schwartz was living in Vienna. Ian was in his early seventies, director of the Holocaust Museum Vienna, and he was married to Isabel. Eric went straight to Jake’s hotel and called him from the lobby. Jake could tell Eric had good news from the sound of his voice. They had coffee and the hotel’s café and Eric shared what he’d learned.

    Jake jumped up to hug Eric; Steven’s task was nearly complete. The two sat with one another in silence. Hope and adoration filled the air around them.

    “Eric come with me to Vienna to meet Ian. We need to do this together.”

    “Are you kidding, I would have gone whether you’d asked me or not, but you’ve made it easier.”

    They arrived on a Friday afternoon. The next few days were some of the best days of Jake’s life. They stayed in a very sweet boutique hotel across from the Holocaust Museum. Eric knew and loved Vienna; showing it off to Jake was a pleasure for him. They were having a wonderful weekend while waiting for the museum to open. They weren’t certain Ian Schwartz would be at work on Monday, but at that point Ian didn’t know about Steven and the stolen ring, a few more days before he’d learn of the found ring wouldn’t make a difference.

    When Monday morning came, they had a quiet breakfast at the hotel. They had more time at the hotel than seeing the sites and they were both okay with that. At 9:30 a.m. they crossed the street to the museum. They both realized they were a nervous wreck; Eric even more so than Jake. The Museum staff led them to Ian’s office where they waited to see him. They had informed a staff member that they had urgent business and that Ian Schwartz would be interested in their news; Eric’s Arolsen Archives business card didn’t hurt.

    After five minutes with Ian, it was clear that Ian was Rachel’s son and he had survived the camps. When Jake told him about his mother’s ring, he fell silent. When he spoke, he informed Jake and Eric that he had no memory of his mother whatsoever. His life’s work had been about bringing this atrocity to light. For Ian, the ring represented his journey and how it had come full circle. For Jake and Eric to experience Ian’s joy was a true gift; an experience that would be a part of their story.

    After a few more days of exploring Vienna, Jake and Eric held each other at the airport knowing that this was the beginning of a love that would have pleased Steven; perhaps it was part of his plan.

    The Camps

    I know, it was a shmaltzy fantasy, but I’m in a good place and I wanted this story to have multiple happy endings. I also realize I speed up my stories at the end — I’m enjoying the writing, but I’m ready for the next thing. Thank you for indulging me.

    Ten Things I Care More About As I Get Older (not in order of importance)

    • My health and the health of the people and pets I care about
    • How I spend my time
    • My finances (can I stretch my savings/retirement allocation until my death?)
    • My safety
    • My comfort (physical, mental, and emotional)
    • The well-being of my friends & family (beyond health)
    • What I will be remembered for (but I care about this less and less each day)
    • Being more practical
    • Peace and the quality of my sleep
    • Good food & wine

    Ten Things I Care Less About

    • What others think (I stopped shaving every day)
    • Partying excessively
    • Things I have that would impress others
    • Expensive meals
    • Doing risky things that might put my life in danger (no more skydiving, hang gliding, climbing tall ladders, running across the street, recreational drugs, etc.)
    • Fancy products
    • Checking every item off off my bucket list (I destroyed mine a few years ago — self-imposed pressure)
    • The past (in terms of reliving or regretting)
    • What I could have accomplished
    • Finding the right partner

    What did I forget?

    “In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.”